"Praying for you"...why don't you actually DO something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine just found out her mother has leukemia. Her mother is only 61 and she is really crushed. We are not that close, but we both volunteer on a Board of Directors and mutually respect each other. She was so upset that she wrote the whole board asking for advice. I offered to take the test to see if I am a match for a marrow transfusion. Another person offered to help her with childcare. She took both of us up on our offers, so it is clear the need is there. Everyone else was like "praying for you". Really? How about actually doing something?

Op,

You are assuming that everyone on that list is also not going through difficult times. Perhaps they have kids with mental issues, Dads or Moms with dementia or cancer or going through divorce or anything really that prevents them from doing more.

Why do you assume that it is lack of interest and not that they are human too and your friend is not the only person going through bad times?

Let's not assume the worst of people, ok? Maybe those other people are just more private and prefer not to seek help from others.

OK Maybe they can't "Do" something because of their own circumstances, but that doesn't make it more acceptable to say something meaningless.

If you think prayer is meaningless than you are right BUT if you don't than you consider it doing something! Why are you the judge and jury of what is worthy? Pray tell me! If you like I won't pray for you at all.

[Anonymous]

Have you never said a non practical action based comment?

Never said Thinking of you, or our thoughts are with you, or we are here for you, or we love you, etc.

Prayer for those who believe is an action term, even if not a practical action. It is also a way of saying thinking about you.

There are many, many people who appreciate that others are thinking about them and praying for them during difficult times even if those people can't be involved in a practical, hands-on help way.

Not everyone is going to be comfortable for their own personal reasons presenting themselves as a match for a bone marrow transfusion. You can look down on them for that but you have no idea what their reasons are behind it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine just found out her mother has leukemia. Her mother is only 61 and she is really crushed. We are not that close, but we both volunteer on a Board of Directors and mutually respect each other. She was so upset that she wrote the whole board asking for advice. I offered to take the test to see if I am a match for a marrow transfusion. Another person offered to help her with childcare. She took both of us up on our offers, so it is clear the need is there. Everyone else was like "praying for you". Really? How about actually doing something?

Op,

You are assuming that everyone on that list is also not going through difficult times. Perhaps they have kids with mental issues, Dads or Moms with dementia or cancer or going through divorce or anything really that prevents them from doing more.

Why do you assume that it is lack of interest and not that they are human too and your friend is not the only person going through bad times?

Let's not assume the worst of people, ok? Maybe those other people are just more private and prefer not to seek help from others.

OK Maybe they can't "Do" something because of their own circumstances, but that doesn't make it more acceptable to say something meaningless.

If you think prayer is meaningless than you are right BUT if you don't than you consider it doing something! Why are you the judge and jury of what is worthy? Pray tell me! If you like I won't pray for you at all.

Who says anyone is judge and jury? We're all expressing opinions here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine just found out her mother has leukemia. Her mother is only 61 and she is really crushed. We are not that close, but we both volunteer on a Board of Directors and mutually respect each other. She was so upset that she wrote the whole board asking for advice. I offered to take the test to see if I am a match for a marrow transfusion. Another person offered to help her with childcare. She took both of us up on our offers, so it is clear the need is there. Everyone else was like "praying for you". Really? How about actually doing something?

Frankly, I find it strange that she wrote to the other members of a board of directors she was on. Does she have no family to help her? No real community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine just found out her mother has leukemia. Her mother is only 61 and she is really crushed. We are not that close, but we both volunteer on a Board of Directors and mutually respect each other. She was so upset that she wrote the whole board asking for advice. I offered to take the test to see if I am a match for a marrow transfusion. Another person offered to help her with childcare. She took both of us up on our offers, so it is clear the need is there. Everyone else was like "praying for you". Really? How about actually doing something?

Frankly, I find it strange that she wrote to the other members of a board of directors she was on. Does she have no family to help her? No real community?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance of mine just found out her mother has leukemia. Her mother is only 61 and she is really crushed. We are not that close, but we both volunteer on a Board of Directors and mutually respect each other. She was so upset that she wrote the whole board asking for advice. I offered to take the test to see if I am a match for a marrow transfusion. Another person offered to help her with childcare. She took both of us up on our offers, so it is clear the need is there. Everyone else was like "praying for you". Really? How about actually doing something?

Op,

You are assuming that everyone on that list is also not going through difficult times. Perhaps they have kids with mental issues, Dads or Moms with dementia or cancer or going through divorce or anything really that prevents them from doing more.

Why do you assume that it is lack of interest and not that they are human too and your friend is not the only person going through bad times?

Let's not assume the worst of people, ok? Maybe those other people are just more private and prefer not to seek help from others.

OK Maybe they can't "Do" something because of their own circumstances, but that doesn't make it more acceptable to say something meaningless.

If you think prayer is meaningless than you are right BUT if you don't than you consider it doing something! Why are you the judge and jury of what is worthy? Pray tell me! If you like I won't pray for you at all.

Who says anyone is judge and jury? We're all expressing opinions here.[/quote

The op is.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is prayer supposed to accomplish? Are you suggesting that the person with leukemia hasn't talked enough to God herself? Or that she doesn't have as much juice with Him as you do?

Do you expect your prayers to cure her cancer?

I'm serious -- what is the point of "praying" for someone? If you believe in prayer, I'm guessing you believe in God's will, which means OP's mother's leukemia is all part of God's plan and thus not something we should be questioning, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is prayer supposed to accomplish? Are you suggesting that the person with leukemia hasn't talked enough to God herself? Or that she doesn't have as much juice with Him as you do?

Do you expect your prayers to cure her cancer?

I'm serious -- what is the point of "praying" for someone? If you believe in prayer, I'm guessing you believe in God's will, which means OP's mother's leukemia is all part of God's plan and thus not something we should be questioning, right?

Prayer is often to ease pain--the mental as well as physical pain associated with having terminal cancer. Everybody dies, so praying that somebody has eternal life isn't in the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is prayer supposed to accomplish? Are you suggesting that the person with leukemia hasn't talked enough to God herself? Or that she doesn't have as much juice with Him as you do?

Do you expect your prayers to cure her cancer?

I'm serious -- what is the point of "praying" for someone? If you believe in prayer, I'm guessing you believe in God's will, which means OP's mother's leukemia is all part of God's plan and thus not something we should be questioning, right?

Prayer is often to ease pain--the mental as well as physical pain associated with having terminal cancer. Everybody dies, so praying that somebody has eternal life isn't in the cards.

Eternal life comes after the physical death -- for those who believe in prayer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is prayer supposed to accomplish? Are you suggesting that the person with leukemia hasn't talked enough to God herself? Or that she doesn't have as much juice with Him as you do?

Do you expect your prayers to cure her cancer?

I'm serious -- what is the point of "praying" for someone? If you believe in prayer, I'm guessing you believe in God's will, which means OP's mother's leukemia is all part of God's plan and thus not something we should be questioning, right?

Prayer is often to ease pain--the mental as well as physical pain associated with having terminal cancer. Everybody dies, so praying that somebody has eternal life isn't in the cards.

Eternal life comes after the physical death -- for those who believe in prayer.

True, I misspoke. I meant that nobody thinks God is going to intervene to make somebody live forever on earth....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Praying for her and her mother IS doing something.

No it isn't. It's just a platitude designed to make yourself feel better as if you are actually doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praying for her and her mother IS doing something.

No it isn't. It's just a platitude designed to make yourself feel better as if you are actually doing something.

Yes it is. If she knows people are praying for her, she will probably feel better mentally and maybe even physically (regardless of what happens medically). And she does know, because “I’m praying for you” conveys exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praying for her and her mother IS doing something.

No it isn't. It's just a platitude designed to make yourself feel better as if you are actually doing something.

It’s the equivalent of saying “I’m thinking of you” or “I care about you.” Do you think these are useless? Of course not, they make the person feel loved, and that alone can help a great deal.

And yes, it usually does come with a circle of dinner providers or other types of help. You act like all religious people just spout phrases and don’t do anything else, while the atheists are showing up with dinner. You know this isn’t true or fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Praying for her and her mother IS doing something.

No it isn't. It's just a platitude designed to make yourself feel better as if you are actually doing something.

Yes it is. If she knows people are praying for her, she will probably feel better mentally and maybe even physically (regardless of what happens medically). And she does know, because “I’m praying for you” conveys exactly that.

Not really, the benson study on prayer found that people who knew they were being prayed for actually did a bit worse than those who didn't know they were being prayed for.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/31/health/31pray.html
"Prayers offered by strangers had no effect on the recovery of people who were undergoing heart surgery, a large and long-awaited study has found.

And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, perhaps because of the expectations the prayers created, the researchers suggested. ....."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very judgmental. Offering to pray for someone absolutely IS doing something. Often when I pray for someone, the very act of spending time thinking about them leads me to action. When we quiet our minds in prayer and meditation, answers to problems are often revealed. Prayer/meditation can bring clarity and show us the best ways to help.

Be careful with that better-than-everyone attitude. It makes me question your real motives for helping.

+1. Illness is not a time to act like you're better than/doing more than other people.