MIL - I am not inclined to respond, but ideas welcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

And this mentality is precisely why people don't get involved with your kids. They aren't at the forefront of everyone else's lives simply because other people have lives too. Does it bother you that you're the only person who thinks the world revolves around your kids?

[Anonymous]

Op, your "venting to your husband" should have been no more than, "this email came for me from your Mom, would you like to read it?" That's it. And he doesn't have to read it or respond to you. He is not his mother and shouldn't be put in the position of hearing your blah blah blah about her. And you know what to do - - - you said it - - you ignore her reference to changed behavior in the future. It's just blah blah blah. Actions are all that matters. She obviously has deficiencies so it would make you the foolish one to think that her words (alone) meant anything.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

This is insane

Nobody goes to a middle school piano recital for entertainment

You explain it then.

You clearly don't understand my mother. It seems that the sun shines out of my son's ass. He is better at everything than any other kid who ever lived (especially yours, if yours is the other kid in the recital), and not even Normal Rockwell could do a better illustration for a school project.

And yes, people do get second chances, so grandma should have the chance to mend her ways (I bet she doesn't change, beyond this whistful email, but that's not the point).

Ha, fair enough! My mom loves to talk about my (preschool-aged!!!) son in superlatives and it drives me a little nuts, although I know it comes from a loving place. I just wish she wouldn't be like BEST, MOST, GREATEST about everything around him...I don't want him to think everything is a competition! (And most of the time he's NOT the best, most, greatest...let's be honest)

I agree there's a good chance she won't change, although if she were to change it would be nice for the kids. I had that thought too...that if she really wanted to be involved she'd be more specific (When is Larla's next game? Would love to come) not issue some big proclamation about wanting to be involved, but hopefully I'm wrong.

(I'm PP who thought "Grandma missed her chance and should die with regrets" hardline stance was insane. It's about letting somebody know when to show up for a recital if they can make it, it's not an unreliable parent wanting shared custody all of a sudden!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

The only thing wrong is that she's late. Apparently the OP is really angry about that, and not inclined to be kindhearted.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks for a great birthday wish! Love to see you at kids' events." There is nothing to overthink or be angry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

What is the huge effort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

Yes, but to be honest maybe the op was giving the in-laws the vibe that she really didn't want them there? Now that she knows your mom is unavailable she wants to make up for lost time. What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very judgmental person. It will cause you, more than anybody, else a lot of grief. Learning to let go and give, even if not given back, is a healthier mind set.

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes it's easier for tweens to relate to adults who aren't their parents. And at that age I might have acted like I hates my mom, but I sure as shit wanted her at my plays. I loved it when my grandparents showed up too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

Are you the OP, or another insane person? There is nothing wrong with MIL. She had her reasons for not being there before, and now she wants to be more present (supposedly). Who cares? It doesn't give OP more work, nor her children. She can come, or not, it won't really change their lives.
It's astonishing the number of judgemental people who want to apply strict standards to others but would go off the deep end if they were applied to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

Are you the OP, or another insane person? There is nothing wrong with MIL. She had her reasons for not being there before, and now she wants to be more present (supposedly). Who cares? It doesn't give OP more work, nor her children. She can come, or not, it won't really change their lives.
It's astonishing the number of judgemental people who want to apply strict standards to others but would go off the deep end if they were applied to them

Um, no. If I had been absent in someone's life and then showed sudden onterest, I wouldn't be surprised if they WEREN'T interested. Why should they be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand what was wrong with the email. Is there more to the story, OP?

This. How is it too little too late when the kids are just in middle school?!

Well, what took them so long?

I don't do fair weather friends, and I don't do people who could have played an important role in my children's life since day one, but who didn't, and suddenly want ME to make a huge effort years later. You had your chance from day one. Where were you then?

Are you the OP, or another insane person? There is nothing wrong with MIL. She had her reasons for not being there before, and now she wants to be more present (supposedly). Who cares? It doesn't give OP more work, nor her children. She can come, or not, it won't really change their lives.
It's astonishing the number of judgemental people who want to apply strict standards to others but would go off the deep end if they were applied to them

Seriously, how much work is it to email the MIL the kids' game schedule? or school schedule?

OP - you have issues.