MIL - I am not inclined to respond, but ideas welcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can, send her a schedule. I remember my grandfather often showing up at my little league baseball games. I have very vivid memories of him being there. I was a pitcher and if I won he'd give me a dollar. Someday I'd like my grandchildren to have the same memory.

Oh man this is adorable

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound very angry. That kind of resentment isn't good for your kids or you. I think you would be making a huge mistake alienating your MIL. Life is way too short to carry around that kind of anger. Your MIL has expressed the desire to be more involved with your children. She did this in an email wishing you a happy Birthday. Your anger says much more about you than it does her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for the birthday wish! We'll make sure to let you know of any upcoming events the kids have. (if you want to get a dig in - they don't have as many of those type of events as they did in elementary school) See you soon. Love, DIL"

This and, if she brings it up again, let hubby deal with her.

[Anonymous]

She's on board and wants to be involved now. They're still kids. Why punish everyone because she missed a few years? No wonder your husband is sensitive - you probably don't miss a chance to tell him how bad his mom is. sheesh

[Anonymous]

You sound like a real peach, OP. MIL hasn't made it to any events and you want to write her off for it? Has she been present in other ways? This seems like a bizarre thing to carry such resentment over.

[Anonymous]

Let this one go and take the high road. I had one set of grandparents that were less involved than the other set, and I remember being really happy when they came to my dance recital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for the birthday wish! We'll make sure to let you know of any upcoming events the kids have. (if you want to get a dig in - they don't have as many of those type of events as they did in elementary school) See you soon. Love, DIL"

This and, if she brings it up again, let hubby deal with her.

The first quoted poster is brilliant. Be glad it was an email and not a phone call. See it as an apology for not being there.

[Anonymous]

There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

[Anonymous]

Don't include the dig - but yes - send the schedule. She probably won't show up but who knows! Honestly - you have no idea why she hasn't been there. She says she does now so why in the world would you do anything other than encourage it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

Why? Are your kids limited to a certain # of people loving them? Are only those people that loved them from the beginning the ones that count? Do you think everyone's problems, lives, issues, work, etc take a back seat to your children? Can you not be sympathetic that maybe something was going on in her life that kept her from being involved then, but for whatever reason it's now changed? Here's a little tip for you: Keeping track and paying back "wrongs" with wrongs will exhaust you. Let go and just appreciate that she wants to be involved now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very angry. That kind of resentment isn't good for your kids or you. I think you would be making a huge mistake alienating your MIL. Life is way too short to carry around that kind of anger. Your MIL has expressed the desire to be more involved with your children. She did this in an email wishing you a happy Birthday. Your anger says much more about you than it does her.

Sounds like MIL has difficult relationships. I have one of those too- let husband handle and save your sanity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

This is insane

Nobody goes to a middle school piano recital for entertainment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

This is insane

Nobody goes to a middle school piano recital for entertainment

You explain it then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for the birthday wish! We'll make sure to let you know of any upcoming events the kids have. (if you want to get a dig in - they don't have as many of those type of events as they did in elementary school) See you soon. Love, DIL"

OP this is perfect. And just let her know of any events coming up. That way it's on her to attend or not.

Yup. Then, if she is really reevaluating her distance, you are open to a new page in the relationship, and if it is all talk, this costs you nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is such a thing as "too little, too late". My kids aren't Plan B. They aren't your entertainment when all else fails. You don't just get to be uninvolved and then one day *poof* want to take on an involved grandparent role.

This is insane

Nobody goes to a middle school piano recital for entertainment

You explain it then.

You clearly don't understand my mother. It seems that the sun shines out of my son's ass. He is better at everything than any other kid who ever lived (especially yours, if yours is the other kid in the recital), and not even Normal Rockwell could do a better illustration for a school project.

And yes, people do get second chances, so grandma should have the chance to mend her ways (I bet she doesn't change, beyond this whistful email, but that's not the point).