10 year old won't stay in his bed

[Anonymous]

Our child had this problem as well for months and months. It was frustrating but we also felt sympathetic towards her obvious distress.

We told her she could come into our room during the night when she felt she needed to but not into our bed. We kept a large, cushy comforter easily accessible so she could make a little nest on the rug next to the bed.

We had her start working with a psychologist who does cognitive behavioral therapy to address her anxiety issues and specifically focus on the problem of her not sleeping all night in her own bed. They made a chart and and she began keeping a sleep journal. She also used an app called Calm to help meditate if she woke up during the night. They met once a week for over a year.

We discussed what would make her feel most comfortable in her own bed - a favorite pillow, a night light, an open door. We started leaving our door cracked open too so she felt we were "closer".

Gradually she started sleeping through the night in her own room more and more and now she always does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband to get out of bed and go sleep in your son's room. That's what I do. Ours rarely tries to sleep in our bed, but when he does I kick both of them out.

Is there something in his room he is scared of?

Yes, can your husband go sleep with him so you can get some rest?

I am dealing with the same issue with my 9 year old, except when I couldn't take it anymore I started sleeping in his room with him. It's actually worked well from a sleep standpoint because DH snores so much. If I go to bed in DS's room there is actually a chance I will sleep most of the night because I can't hear DH and DS stays in bed. This summer we'll try another plan but, damn, I'm 46. I can't start my day at 3:30 anymore which is exactly what happened before. Frankly, if DH can't get his snoring under control I may just move to the guest room once DS can sleep by himself.

Get your husband a CPAP. Its been a life saver for me. I can't sleep with my husband without it.

He tried it but couldn't tolerate it. That was at least 5 years ago...I wonder if they have improved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.

Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?

I didn't read this as sanctimonious or judgmental at all, but I do read a lot of "defensive " in your post. Simply because PP has had success with a stern, black and white approach doesn't make her wrong or judgmental at all. Looks like her approach has had success, as opposed to coddling and enabling.

She hasn't had success, she has a kid who either doesn't have anxiety or has already figured out his mom will be no help if he does. Not really an achievement in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.

Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?

I didn't read this as sanctimonious or judgmental at all, but I do read a lot of "defensive " in your post. Simply because PP has had success with a stern, black and white approach doesn't make her wrong or judgmental at all. Looks like her approach has had success, as opposed to coddling and enabling.

She hasn't had success, she has a kid who either doesn't have anxiety or has already figured out his mom will be no help if he does. Not really an achievement in my book.

100% agreed, Joan Crawford seems proud of herself.

Btw, don't you love when people come back & defend their own posts, add if they're a new poster? lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always lock our door. Our room is ours, their rooms are theirs. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My youngest son has ADHD and has never come to our room at night. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself if he wakes up, and nothing scares him. I haven't had a child sleep in my bed since he was a year old.

Well, let's hear it for the sancti-mommy with the perfect children... so glad you've finally showed up!

How exactly does your sanctimonious, judgemental & arrogant post help the OP anyway?

I didn't read this as sanctimonious or judgmental at all, but I do read a lot of "defensive " in your post. Simply because PP has had success with a stern, black and white approach doesn't make her wrong or judgmental at all. Looks like her approach has had success, as opposed to coddling and enabling.

PP's child had ADHD. That's very different than a child with anxiety disorder. I've had success with my kids sleeping in their beds too, but I'm not patting myself on the back for my "success" story. My kids don't have anxiety. My friend's kid does, and it permeates many aspects of her life. Until you've interacted with a child with real anxiety, you have no clue. I read the pp's post as sanctimonious and judgmental.

I have a child with ADHD & one with ADHD & anxiety & the poster who wrote that the child with ADHD & anxiety (or just anxiety) usually develops separation anxiety is absolutely right!

My one with ADHD never slept a night in our bed, the one with ADHD & anxiety, has always gotten up some time to climb in with us.

It's the ANXIETY that's doing this & by locking them out or giving them "tough love" or "requiring him to stay in his room" are ALL the wrong approach & as the PP sous, you will only perpetuate the problem further by doing this.

They'll eventually stop on their own, however but by pushing them away or in essence "punishing" them by doing any of the suggestions above, you'll only make it worse & desk with it longer.

Could you buy him something like this for next to your bed?
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000H1MRJO/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1493394925&sr=8-6&keywords=toddler%2Bbeds&th=1&psc=1

Also, agree with everyone else... that post was sanctimonious & judgemental to the core.

People, if you've never dealt with a child with anxiety issues, don't give advice on what this parent should do!

[Anonymous]

I could not imagine locking my door all night so my kid didn't have access to me. We lock the door when we are having sex but unlock it before we fall asleep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD 10 year old son is exactly the same, does yours have anxiety as well?

Our therapist told us due to his ADHD & anxiety this caused him to have separation anxiety all of his life (which he has, although it's gotten a little better).
The separation anxiety / anxiety wakes him & causes the moving to our bed.

OP here. Yes, our son has anxiety, as well. He's not currently medicated for it, but we're keeping an eye on it. His bed in his room is small and not that most comfortable, so I just ordered him a queen size bed that will be delivered this weekend. I'm hoping the more comfortable bed will help and that it will make laying down with him (if needed) more comfortable.

We live in an old house and we don't even have a lock on our door. I would never lock him out, because I think that would be terrifying for him.

Thanks again for all of the advice. I'm hoping the new bed will help a bit. If not, we may try the cot option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD 10 year old son is exactly the same, does yours have anxiety as well?

Our therapist told us due to his ADHD & anxiety this caused him to have separation anxiety all of his life (which he has, although it's gotten a little better).
The separation anxiety / anxiety wakes him & causes the moving to our bed.

OP here. Yes, our son has anxiety, as well. He's not currently medicated for it, but we're keeping an eye on it. His bed in his room is small and not that most comfortable, so I just ordered him a queen size bed that will be delivered this weekend. I'm hoping the more comfortable bed will help and that it will make laying down with him (if needed) more comfortable.

We live in an old house and we don't even have a lock on our door. I would never lock him out, because I think that would be terrifying for him.

Thanks again for all of the advice. I'm hoping the new bed will help a bit. If not, we may try the cot option.

I'm the poster you quoted & that cot posted above is fabulous (and so cheap at $22) we have one too!

I'm glad to hear that you've ordered a new bed, hopefully "too much space" in the bed won't be scary for him too.

You'll get through this mom, I know it doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there will be.
Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD 10 year old son is exactly the same, does yours have anxiety as well?

Our therapist told us due to his ADHD & anxiety this caused him to have separation anxiety all of his life (which he has, although it's gotten a little better).
The separation anxiety / anxiety wakes him & causes the moving to our bed.

OP here. Yes, our son has anxiety, as well. He's not currently medicated for it, but we're keeping an eye on it. His bed in his room is small and not that most comfortable, so I just ordered him a queen size bed that will be delivered this weekend. I'm hoping the more comfortable bed will help and that it will make laying down with him (if needed) more comfortable.

We live in an old house and we don't even have a lock on our door. I would never lock him out, because I think that would be terrifying for him.

Thanks again for all of the advice. I'm hoping the new bed will help a bit. If not, we may try the cot option.

I'm the poster you quoted & that cot posted above is fabulous (and so cheap at $22) we have one too!

I'm glad to hear that you've ordered a new bed, hopefully "too much space" in the bed won't be scary for him too.

You'll get through this mom, I know it doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there will be.
Hugs to you!

OP here. Thank you so much! This really helps. It's tough to talk about because some people look at me like I'm crazy when I say that our 10 year old still crawls in our bed. Again, I really appreciate the helpful (and hopeful!) advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD 10 year old son is exactly the same, does yours have anxiety as well?

Our therapist told us due to his ADHD & anxiety this caused him to have separation anxiety all of his life (which he has, although it's gotten a little better).
The separation anxiety / anxiety wakes him & causes the moving to our bed.

OP here. Yes, our son has anxiety, as well. He's not currently medicated for it, but we're keeping an eye on it. His bed in his room is small and not that most comfortable, so I just ordered him a queen size bed that will be delivered this weekend. I'm hoping the more comfortable bed will help and that it will make laying down with him (if needed) more comfortable.

We live in an old house and we don't even have a lock on our door. I would never lock him out, because I think that would be terrifying for him.

Thanks again for all of the advice. I'm hoping the new bed will help a bit. If not, we may try the cot option.

I'm the poster you quoted & that cot posted above is fabulous (and so cheap at $22) we have one too!

I'm glad to hear that you've ordered a new bed, hopefully "too much space" in the bed won't be scary for him too.

You'll get through this mom, I know it doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there will be.
Hugs to you!

OP here. Thank you so much! This really helps. It's tough to talk about because some people look at me like I'm crazy when I say that our 10 year old still crawls in our bed. Again, I really appreciate the helpful (and hopeful!) advice.

You're definitely NOT alone, mom!

Nobody ever puts this stuff on Facebook or talks about it at the PTA meetings, because there's this thing about having to appear like your life is perfect...It's SO prominent down here especially.

I'm originally from NY & I find when a woman down here wants to judge another woman harshest, she goes after her parenting skills.

Like I said, I'm glad you got him the new bed, but the cot is so affordable (and comfortable actually) it may be a good option in case of emergency.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid to put a cot in our room only cause my DD would sleep there every single night and she'd be there til college (funny but not funny).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD 10 year old son is exactly the same, does yours have anxiety as well?

Our therapist told us due to his ADHD & anxiety this caused him to have separation anxiety all of his life (which he has, although it's gotten a little better).
The separation anxiety / anxiety wakes him & causes the moving to our bed.

OP here. Yes, our son has anxiety, as well. He's not currently medicated for it, but we're keeping an eye on it. His bed in his room is small and not that most comfortable, so I just ordered him a queen size bed that will be delivered this weekend. I'm hoping the more comfortable bed will help and that it will make laying down with him (if needed) more comfortable.

We live in an old house and we don't even have a lock on our door. I would never lock him out, because I think that would be terrifying for him.

Thanks again for all of the advice. I'm hoping the new bed will help a bit. If not, we may try the cot option.

I'm the poster you quoted & that cot posted above is fabulous (and so cheap at $22) we have one too!

I'm glad to hear that you've ordered a new bed, hopefully "too much space" in the bed won't be scary for him too.

You'll get through this mom, I know it doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel but there will be.
Hugs to you!

OP here. We got the new bed set up this weekend. Last night was the first night in it, and DS panicked before bed. There was some crying and asking for his old bed, but he finally fell asleep...and stayed asleep in his bed all night! Of course I still woke up at 4:00 and couldn't go back to sleep, but I'm so relieved that he stayed in his bed. Hoping that this will be a trend, although I'm sure we'll have some set backs sooner rather than later.