Your bedtime vs spouse's bedtime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, tell your husband to learn to cook. Why should you stop work to cook dinner for him? This is the 21st century.

They both work so why is he coming home everyday demanding to know what's for dinner...?

He can cook 2 nights and she 2. On Friday it's take out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a Fed job with flex hours and she snoozes to work 6am to 2:30pm to avoid rush hour commuting. By doing this she is on bed at 9am and up at 4:30am.

She chooses this over having any bedroom time with me. I now know what is important in her life.

Why don't you try going to bed at 9:30 with her? I also have a fed job with flex time, and it is such a benefit. Go to bed with her. Her coming home at 2:30 means she can do all those house things you don't have to do (kids? cleaning? groceries? lawn? dog walking? making dinner? The likes). By you choosing to stay up over having bedroom time tells me what is important in your life. It isn't your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a Fed job with flex hours and she snoozes to work 6am to 2:30pm to avoid rush hour commuting. By doing this she is on bed at 9am and up at 4:30am.

She chooses this over having any bedroom time with me. I now know what is important in her life.

Why don't you try going to bed at 9:30 with her? I also have a fed job with flex time, and it is such a benefit. Go to bed with her. Her coming home at 2:30 means she can do all those house things you don't have to do (kids? cleaning? groceries? lawn? dog walking? making dinner? The likes). By you choosing to stay up over having bedroom time tells me what is important in your life. It isn't your wife.

That's another way to view it. However, 4:30 is early so she probably needs her sleep. Everyone is assuming the other spouse wants to have sex every night when realistically they don't. One can't expect the other spouse to always fulfill those needs. I would say shoot for Saturday night when you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn. If it's mutual great, a job or duty than no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW has a Fed job with flex hours and she snoozes to work 6am to 2:30pm to avoid rush hour commuting. By doing this she is on bed at 9am and up at 4:30am.

She chooses this over having any bedroom time with me. I now know what is important in her life.

Why don't you try going to bed at 9:30 with her? I also have a fed job with flex time, and it is such a benefit. Go to bed with her. Her coming home at 2:30 means she can do all those house things you don't have to do (kids? cleaning? groceries? lawn? dog walking? making dinner? The likes). By you choosing to stay up over having bedroom time tells me what is important in your life. It isn't your wife.

That's another way to view it. However, 4:30 is early so she probably needs her sleep. Everyone is assuming the other spouse wants to have sex every night when realistically they don't. One can't expect the other spouse to always fulfill those needs. I would say shoot for Saturday night when you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn. If it's mutual great, a job or duty than no.

I agree it is early and if my spouse wanted to have sex with me every night I'd probably go insane from lack of sleep. But we agreed that at least once a week during weekdays I'd make time to have sex with my spouse, even if it means I end up staying up until 10:30 or 11:00. I do suffer later in the day, but there is time for an afternoon coffee nap if I need one. Saturday and Sunday mornings are also a good time!

The early to bed early to rise works for me. Late to bed late to rise does not. And, so, spouse and I have compromised. But you do need to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

I'm an early to bed DW. We have an infant and DH doesn't do any of the middle of the night wake ups even though we both work so I need to go to bed much earlier than him to be able to function the next day. He promised he would do the middle of the night stuff when I went back to work and he had paternity leave but he would never follow through, even when I'd beg him in the middle of the night to please get up and DO SOMETHING so I could actually work the next day. So now I go to bed by 9 at the latest. He wants to prioritize himself so I do the same. I'm not going to stay up late to hang out with him when he clearly isn't giving a sh*t about me.

[Anonymous]

I usually fall asleep on DH's chest every night around 10. He wiggles out and watches tv for another couple hours before bed around 2. We're typically morning/shower sex people.

[Anonymous]

I was a. Igor owl before dh. Went to bed at 1 or so and got up at 8-9 and rolled into work at 9:30-10. He has been waking up at 4:30 since middle school for sports and then military. We moved in together and I started going to bed at 10 with him and got so much sleep the first 6 months since I still couldn't get up earlier. Now with dd I'm up at 6. He still gets up at 4:30 but needs less sleep than me. We always go to bed together around 10 or earlier if we are going to watch something in bed etc. we are closer that way. I'm exhausted by the evening so sex is in the am/nap time on weekends or right after baby bedtime on weekdays. It's fun. We put the baby to bed, clean up from dinner, take a shower together and have intimate time and then can dose or talk or have a glass of wine in bed.

[Anonymous]

DW in bed at 10pm and up by 6am. DH in bed at 2am (he works split hours due to office in Asia), up around 10am.

We have our sexy time between time kids are in bed and 10pm, not always in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW usually goes to bed around 10pm while I stay up until midnight. Does anybody else have a similar difference in bedtime? I sometimes like the time to myself after she is in bed, but it is often lonely. This loneliness leads to too much time online, too much porn and generally feeling less engaged with DW.

Initiating sex can't be as spontaneous because we aren't in bed awake at the same time.

We both wake up around 7am, so there's no schedule driven reason for her to go to bed that early.

I bet she loves that time to herself. Why can't you enjoy those two hours without porn or other things? That I find weird and kind of needy. Imo when you live with someone you see each other every day. Your time alone shouldn't feel lonely. Sex imo doesn't have anything to do with loneliness. Sounds like you need better ways to fill up that time.

I agree. Isnt there anything more productive you can do during that time? Exercise so that you can be home earlier? Make kids lunches? Prep the coffee maker? Learn a second language? Read James Joyce? Prepare something above and beyond for work? Write the great American novel? Two hours a day is a lot of time.