When did you realize (accept) your child was not gifted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I asked the question is because I think most of us when we first have kids, deep down think that maybe (just maybe) our child will be the next Einstein, Bill Gates, Oprah, etc. We track their development and are excited they are speaking X amount of words by age Y, or they started walking early at 9 months, etc. But as they get older, most of us, I think, realize they are just normal (or average) and suddenly there's no more pressure and you start to relax and actually enjoy your kids for who they are. That's all I was getting at. One of my nieces tested in the top 1% when she was tested for entrance to a private school for Kindergarten, and another started reading by age 3 and is an amazing artist at age 6. I celebrate their gifts and achievements and no longer feel compelled to compare my kids.

Then I am confused why you posted this. It sounds like you're asking advice in your OP but now you're acting like you've already processed this and are doing just fine accepting your non-gifted kid.

You shouldn't have to "accept" a kid or ever feel compelled to compare them. They're individual human beings. They're better at some stuff than others, worse at other things. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I guess I just don't get why you think everyone has to come to terms with the radical notion that kids are their own people.

not op, but a lot of people are competitive and often compare themselves to others. of course they are going to compare their kids. that's they way many people are.

it should also be noted that a lot of people who don't care about giftedness also compare themselves and their kids. they just use different dimensions. i can imagine kylie jenner and kim kardashina comparing numbers of followers and feel good/bad as result. "noncompetitive" parents here will often point out that some gifted kid didn't do so well while their average kid is in fact popular and successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the majority of the PPs claim place no value in being labelled gifted yet made sure to mention their own giftedness in their posts

I'm probably the first person who responded and mentioned that I had the label as a child.

OP's argument seemed to be that because she had the label her thoughts were reasonable. I wanted to make it clear that there are others of us who also have that label who think her thinking is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My kid is grown now, but I am not sure I have ever truly accepted it. I had such high hopes that never seemed to come to fruition. He seems happy with his average state school and mundane job, but it just seems like such a waste of genetic opportunity. But at least I am smart enough to recognize this is reallly my issue, not his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how the majority of the PPs claim place no value in being labelled gifted yet made sure to mention their own giftedness in their posts

I'm one of those pp's. The point is that based on my personal experience, I don't see giftedness as just a blessing with no downside. There's a reason gifted kids get an IEP in public school, because giftedness is a special need that can present challenges if ignored. Gifted kids often get bored and may act out, are lazy because they don't have to work hard, and can be entitled because adults are constantly labeling them as special. These are things I had to intentionally work on as an adult, and honestly the kids with above average intelligence and a strong work ethic are often doing better as adults than the adults that had the gifted label as kids.

I married someone who is not as book smart as me, but is much more kind, hard working, generous, funny, and creative. Those are the traits I really want to pass on to my kids, not a top 2% IQ.

[Anonymous]

This thread cracks me up. It is sooo DCUM.

My mom swears that my 13-month-old son is exceptionally bright. I don't think he is. He seems completely average to me. But he is the happiest damn kid I've ever seen and he gives huge hugs and loves to laugh and play. I hope I can continue to cultivate his joyful attitude and also teach him how to work hard. He'll do well in life with those gifts.

[Anonymous]

I am normal person smart (Ivy League), but not a supergenius by any means. I hope that my children will figure out what makes them happy and how to pursue that as either a vocation or an avocation. That is all I want for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am normal person smart (Ivy League), but not a supergenius by any means. I hope that my children will figure out what makes them happy and how to pursue that as either a vocation or an avocation. That is all I want for them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread cracks me up. It is sooo DCUM.

My mom swears that my 13-month-old son is exceptionally bright. I don't think he is. He seems completely average to me. But he is the happiest damn kid I've ever seen and he gives huge hugs and loves to laugh and play. I hope I can continue to cultivate his joyful attitude and also teach him how to work hard. He'll do well in life with those gifts.

sounds like you are comparing your child to other kids.

[Anonymous]

I was happier finding out that they're just smart and a bit above average in certain subjects rather than gifted as I was labeled growing up.

No one ever asked me if I wanted to leave my class three times per week starting in 4th grade to go take MS classes. No one asked me if I wanted to be exempt from PE class so that I could work one-on-one with an advanced math expert to further my skills. And the thing is, once you start those advanced classes so early on, even when you're old enough to protest in MS & HS, there's no going back. At least not in the school system in which I was enrolled. Once you were on the advanced track, that was it.

So you're bused to MS when you're in ES, bused to HS when in MS, and then you get to leave HS early each day to go to community college classes... and your whole life is leaving your peers and feeling like the outcast weirdo smart kid among the older kids and fielding questions from everyone about why you go to other schools. When I was in HS and taking a college Physics course, my professor would always announce to the class, "no curve on this test because Jane got a 105%" and oh boy was that fun. Nothing like the ire of 44 adult classmates not getting a grade bump because I'd scored perfect + extra credit.

By the time I was a senior in HS, I was done. All I wanted was a break and to just be normal for a bit. I missed Senior Field Day because I had a test in a college class and same with our Senior class trip. I went to an Ivy for college and a different Ivy for grad school and yes, I'm successful, but so are my co-workers who are "just smart" and had the normal experiences and went to regular ol' colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was happier finding out that they're just smart and a bit above average in certain subjects rather than gifted as I was labeled growing up.

No one ever asked me if I wanted to leave my class three times per week starting in 4th grade to go take MS classes. No one asked me if I wanted to be exempt from PE class so that I could work one-on-one with an advanced math expert to further my skills. And the thing is, once you start those advanced classes so early on, even when you're old enough to protest in MS & HS, there's no going back. At least not in the school system in which I was enrolled. Once you were on the advanced track, that was it.

So you're bused to MS when you're in ES, bused to HS when in MS, and then you get to leave HS early each day to go to community college classes... and your whole life is leaving your peers and feeling like the outcast weirdo smart kid among the older kids and fielding questions from everyone about why you go to other schools. When I was in HS and taking a college Physics course, my professor would always announce to the class, "no curve on this test because Jane got a 105%" and oh boy was that fun. Nothing like the ire of 44 adult classmates not getting a grade bump because I'd scored perfect + extra credit.

By the time I was a senior in HS, I was done. All I wanted was a break and to just be normal for a bit. I missed Senior Field Day because I had a test in a college class and same with our Senior class trip. I went to an Ivy for college and a different Ivy for grad school and yes, I'm successful, but so are my co-workers who are "just smart" and had the normal experiences and went to regular ol' colleges.

Wow, thanks for sharing. You're obviously brilliant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was happier finding out that they're just smart and a bit above average in certain subjects rather than gifted as I was labeled growing up.

No one ever asked me if I wanted to leave my class three times per week starting in 4th grade to go take MS classes. No one asked me if I wanted to be exempt from PE class so that I could work one-on-one with an advanced math expert to further my skills. And the thing is, once you start those advanced classes so early on, even when you're old enough to protest in MS & HS, there's no going back. At least not in the school system in which I was enrolled. Once you were on the advanced track, that was it.

So you're bused to MS when you're in ES, bused to HS when in MS, and then you get to leave HS early each day to go to community college classes... and your whole life is leaving your peers and feeling like the outcast weirdo smart kid among the older kids and fielding questions from everyone about why you go to other schools. When I was in HS and taking a college Physics course, my professor would always announce to the class, "no curve on this test because Jane got a 105%" and oh boy was that fun. Nothing like the ire of 44 adult classmates not getting a grade bump because I'd scored perfect + extra credit.

By the time I was a senior in HS, I was done. All I wanted was a break and to just be normal for a bit. I missed Senior Field Day because I had a test in a college class and same with our Senior class trip. I went to an Ivy for college and a different Ivy for grad school and yes, I'm successful, but so are my co-workers who are "just smart" and had the normal experiences and went to regular ol' colleges.

acceleration is bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reason I asked the question is because I think most of us when we first have kids, deep down think that maybe (just maybe) our child will be the next Einstein, Bill Gates, Oprah, etc. We track their development and are excited they are speaking X amount of words by age Y, or they started walking early at 9 months, etc. But as they get older, most of us, I think, realize they are just normal (or average) and suddenly there's no more pressure and you start to relax and actually enjoy your kids for who they are. That's all I was getting at. One of my nieces tested in the top 1% when she was tested for entrance to a private school for Kindergarten, and another started reading by age 3 and is an amazing artist at age 6. I celebrate their gifts and achievements and no longer feel compelled to compare my kids.

No, I don't think *most* of us think that. Maybe you and your family, but definitely not most people.

I mean, yes, we are excited about their development, but never once have I had any concern about whether my children are gifted or not despite having always been at the top of my class growing up. All I care about is that they are happy, healthy, and when they get older, develop a good (healthy) work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread cracks me up. It is sooo DCUM.

My mom swears that my 13-month-old son is exceptionally bright. I don't think he is. He seems completely average to me. But he is the happiest damn kid I've ever seen and he gives huge hugs and loves to laugh and play. I hope I can continue to cultivate his joyful attitude and also teach him how to work hard. He'll do well in life with those gifts.

sounds like you are comparing your child to other kids.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

I def was not labeled as "gifted" growing up and we are doing JUST fine (very high HHI, good colleges, etc.) Not sure why OP (or anyone) thinks being labeled gifted is necessary to achieve success in life.

[Anonymous]

My IQ is 160, tested multiple times since 6, and my child's is slightly below the mean. I did not have to "accept" it, wtf? He's not some j crew order. Get over yourself dumb ass. I'd be connectedness with your own intellectual capacity.