When did you realize (accept) your child was not gifted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so lame. Accept that your kid is gifted? What's the alternative? Relax about it after? Who are you people? Just let your kid be and stop stressing about it or you'll make them anxious too.

you are right in principle, but some of us are profoundly gifted ourselves and perhaps expected our kids to be the same. this is the only thing we know.

i have a very iq, and so does my husband. before i had kids i assumed they would be at the very top of every class, never get a B and easily pursue and be successful in whatever field they wish. my older kid had a profound language delay and this was a shock to me, but also a blessing in that i quickly and early disposed of those assumptions. now she caught up and i am thrilled with that and it is in fact liberating not to have all those assumptions about her or her sister. in fact i wish i could apply the same attitude towards myself.

I was considered profoundly gifted growing up with a 150+ IQ, and I skipped 2 grades.

I married a bright, curious, kind, loving man who went to an average state school, and every day I hope my kids are exactly like him.

you seem not to like yourself too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was happier finding out that they're just smart and a bit above average in certain subjects rather than gifted as I was labeled growing up.

No one ever asked me if I wanted to leave my class three times per week starting in 4th grade to go take MS classes. No one asked me if I wanted to be exempt from PE class so that I could work one-on-one with an advanced math expert to further my skills. And the thing is, once you start those advanced classes so early on, even when you're old enough to protest in MS & HS, there's no going back. At least not in the school system in which I was enrolled. Once you were on the advanced track, that was it.

So you're bused to MS when you're in ES, bused to HS when in MS, and then you get to leave HS early each day to go to community college classes... and your whole life is leaving your peers and feeling like the outcast weirdo smart kid among the older kids and fielding questions from everyone about why you go to other schools. When I was in HS and taking a college Physics course, my professor would always announce to the class, "no curve on this test because Jane got a 105%" and oh boy was that fun. Nothing like the ire of 44 adult classmates not getting a grade bump because I'd scored perfect + extra credit.

By the time I was a senior in HS, I was done. All I wanted was a break and to just be normal for a bit. I missed Senior Field Day because I had a test in a college class and same with our Senior class trip. I went to an Ivy for college and a different Ivy for grad school and yes, I'm successful, but so are my co-workers who are "just smart" and had the normal experiences and went to regular ol' colleges.

acceleration is bullshit.

I totally agree! I was accelerated in math and honestly it made me not want to do math anymore. I would have done much better in a regular level class where I was encouraged to take my time and enjoy and understand it, rather than speeding through it as some kind of badge of "giftedness." This doesn't apply to everyone of course -- I knew kids who were intrinsically motivated to get ahead in math, and I think acceleration was right for them.

you don't need acceleration to be "ahead" in math. you just do harder problems at the same grade level. there are really hard math problems that require little math knowledge.

Sure, that's fine, but I don't think bright kids should be pushed to do harder problems just in the name of acceleration, either. More important to learn to like math, do it carefully, and understand it, than rush ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giving your children a steady happy supportive childhood leading to an emotionally healthy and available adult able to navigate life's difficulties and relationships will be a pretty good 'gift' to give them.

Everyone is gifted in their own way, some people paint, some people cook, some people math, some people read, some people throw balls, some people listen, some people travel. Everyone is different. Don't get hung up on an IQ, wait for your child to show you their gifts instead of hoping for a specific type.

Well said.

Yep. People can have very narrow perceptions of 'giftedness'. My DS is bright and the school labeled him as "gifted" for math, although there also I think he's just normally bright, not particularly gifted. Where I do think he's "gifted" is in his social skills -- he's a very likable kid, comfortable in any situation, makes friends very quickly. No idea where it came from since DH and I are both socially awkward introverts. He's always been like that and that, more than how well he does academically, makes me feel comfortable that he will do well in life. But it's not going to be picked up on any test!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who was identified as gifted, and now has a wonderful, kind, creative, thoughtful, kid with an IQ right around 100, I have to say that the idea that one would have to accept or come to terms with the fact that your child isn't part of a minority of 2% is really awful.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't think about it. I know so many gifted people that went on to have very average, mediocre lives and careers. My brother was considered pretty mediocre in school. He was always a B student at best but went on to become insanely successful in life. Doing well in life takes more than just being book smart.

I think what helped the most is that my parents instilled in us the importance of working hard and choosing careers that would put us in a good spot in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so lame. Accept that your kid is gifted? What's the alternative? Relax about it after? Who are you people? Just let your kid be and stop stressing about it or you'll make them anxious too.

AMEN!

[Anonymous]

Are you my mother? Ha..

DH and I are both above average IQS (140s). We are told "DC" is very smart but neither of us see it. We just see a happy, curious kid.. we have not had him tested and don't plan to until it's necessary for school.

I would much rather have a normal, happy socially adept kid than in the pressure cooker of DCUMs "ivy or bust" culture.

Labeled Gifted is not always a good thing. I know plenty of too smart people who are miserable and can't navigate life outside of school. I'd rather my kid be able to schmooze than crunch algorithms in his head. Life skills...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for OP's kids.

Sadly, over the several years I've been on DCUM this isn't the first time, nor I imagine the last, that I've seen a thread like this.