Friends coming over but bored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD and her friends typically entertain themselves. They do nails and hair. They watch tv. They make up plays. They do crafts - right now they are making jewelry and bookmarks. They make music lys. They listen to music. They shop online and then beg us moms to buy them new clothes. They bake. That's all I can think of.

Right now we don't have a tv and tend to not let kids use games/computers. We are wondering if we are outliers and that is part of why bored.

We will keep crafts handy thought they had outgrown that.

Movie and ice skating and such are great but right now we are kind of limited to at home play dates when we host.

I am sorry but you are better off not inviting the kids over

OP, ignore this ridiculous PP. You're fine inviting kids over even if you don't have a TV or video games or don't want to haul them on outings.

I agree with the earlier PP who said always have a plan for a first play date; your DD should work with you to make that plan. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive and does not have to involve going to a pool or movie or whatever ; you just need to have a couple of things that will occupy the kids. Crafts are very good for this, even for kids who walk in and say "I'm not crafty." Have a variety of things on hand -- both kits that guide kids through to a completed end product (such as full kits for making, say, friendship bracelets) or go online for about a million different ideas. We've had kids over to make tote bags out of old t-shirts and decorate them with fabric paint; to tie-dye t-shirts they brought with them (save that one for good weather to do it outside); some kids like to just sit around and mess with beads and make jewelry while they talk.

If your DD has friends who moan that they really would rather be watching TV during a play date...next time you invite someone else who doesn't do that. It's 100 percent your prerogative to tell the kids that here are these two kits, and here are a pile of cool beads etc. etc. and here are some games, and those are all there for them. Then you leave. Your DD will need to be a bit more assertive and suggest things, and even just pick up a craft or activity and start doing it herself, if she wants guests to get engaged.

My own DD is a teen now but she knew when she was younger that watching TV was not something you did with a guest over, period. And we never had any gaming systems or games on phones etc. She survived with plenty of friends. Your DD will too.

Be sure she's inviting over kids who share something with her besides just being a classmate -- see if you can get play dates with kids who have a common interest or activity with her. That helps move things along.

[Anonymous]

Role play being DD's friend at a play date. Walk her through the beginning of the playdate; show her how to go from greetings to a tour to getting into an activity.

Give her a script to work with. "Do you want to play X or do you want to do Y?"

Having play dates with two other kids at once may be useful, but I would keep an eye on those to be mindful of the dynamic. You don't want two girls to come over and play while excluding your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Role play being DD's friend at a play date. Walk her through the beginning of the playdate; show her how to go from greetings to a tour to getting into an activity.

Give her a script to work with. "Do you want to play X or do you want to do Y?"

Having play dates with two other kids at once may be useful, but I would keep an eye on those to be mindful of the dynamic. You don't want two girls to come over and play while excluding your daughter.

Love the idea of role playing. And I also like the PP's suggestion about the dynamics. Maybe just one friend at a time?

[Anonymous]

When the kids get bored, they are not finding common ground.

[Anonymous]

Have more than one kid over at a time. It might cause a little drama if there are 3 but it solves the bored problem.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old 3rd grader, so maybe it will be different next year when she's in 4th, but we never have the tv on during play dates, and most of her friends don't either. They play outside on the swingset, kick the soccer ball around, chalk up our driveway, have a dance party, sing karaoke, dress up and act out scenes from Harry Potter, spy on various aged siblings, have snacks, do crafts. And this is with a wide variety of friends, not just 1-2. I want to say there was one play date that they said they were bored and wanted to watch Tv and I didn't give in. They whined for approximately 5 minutes then wrote and directed a play. I think it takes practice for kids to feel bored and use that boredom to be creative. Tv/iPad is a quick fix to boredom.

Op, if your dd is shy, I think it's a great idea to have a plan for play dates like baking, a hike in the woods, fun crafts (duct tape purses?) and guide her a little, but don't feel compelled to have tv and video games just because other people say you should.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you don't do screen, try getting an Echo or Echo Dot. My kids and their friends have a grand time picking their songs and then singing and dancing their hearts out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have more than one kid over at a time. It might cause a little drama if there are 3 but it solves the bored problem.

I second this if you have a shy kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, you mention not having TV because you cut the cord, but you can stream directly to a TV. Look for one that is wifi ready and you can stream Amazon Prime right over it. We do not have cable, we do have an antenna and Amazon Prime, which we stream over the TV. I couldn't care less about a gaming system, but DH is planning to get one for the kids soon. He doesn't want them to be weird for not having one or knowing how to use one when they go to another kids house.

I agree with making cookies (DD just did this yesterday at a neighbors house), nerf guns (they have some that are girl colors), I personally don't like crafts, but DD has done this at play dates - though I sometimes need to help. Also consider art supplies. My kids are often happy just to color. Goodluck!

[Anonymous]

Make rice krispie treats, easier than cookies or cupcakes and the kids love them! If you want to take it one step further google some items you can make with the treats.. ie houses, animals etc.. they are easy to shape and you can use M&Ms or candy to decorate

[Anonymous]

Cut the length of time down.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a super social daughter. When she had friends over, it was because they were already friends so finding stuff to do wasn't much of a problem. They already liked each other and just liked hanging out together. So I didn't have to plan much stuff.

If your daughter is shy, things will be different. She is inviting girls over that she isn't good friends with already. And if she is introverted just hanging out is going to be very hard.

You have a lot of limitations on the two best things to do -- going to an activity somewhere else, and hanging and watching a movie or playing a game. So you need to up your game in other areas.

You need to plan some activities and not expect that your daughter will automatically know how to be social.

- painting finger nails
- simple crafts from Michaels. At that age my daughter and her friends loved taking some min-canvas panels and paint. You need a good supply of arts and crafts to choose from. Make people or animals out of posicel sticks, glue eyes and feathers on etc etc.
-jewelry making, beading
- board games or card games can work -- my daughter and her friends play them all the time, but they like the ones with lots of pieces -- like Life where you have the car with the babies, etc. At that age they loved to play Sleeping Queens. You could maybe get a couple of girls interested in Poker if you had the chips to bet with. I think girls like props.
-listening to music
- my daughter's friends were really into Playmobile-- one girl had a HUGE collection of sets up in her attic and they'd spend hours there -- again it helps to have a lot of props.
- bake cookies, ice cupcakes -- again it helps to have all the right tools for decorating etc.
- make videos of each other with a video camera or phone

[Anonymous]

Honestly I have a 9 year old and a 10 year old. we NEVER put on the TV during a playdate - what is the point of that?

Maybe we did it once, at the end of a long play date when everyone was tired and had run out of steam, but as a rule - why bother? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Play dates are fine if they are about 2 or 3 hours. Video games are fine, but no one I knows watches tv during play dates. you shouldn't have to "lead" a play date since you're the parent. What does your dd like to do?

Is your dd quiet? Maybe she would get along with a chatty friend. My dd acted like yours did when she was in k. what helped was for her to play with neighborhood friends, that made th playing more informal and the kids seemed to fell more at ease with each other because they saw each other so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the kids get bored, they are not finding common ground.

This.

DS went to a play date yesterday, and found that he actually had more in common (for the moment) with his friend's older brother. At one point, his friend said, "I'm bored. I'm going to turn in the TV." His mom told him they don't do tv during play dates (I agree), and we worked together to come up with another activity he could invite DS to do. That worked out.