I'm at my wits end

[Anonymous]

My 9th grade daughter said that you need to talk more, and not be judgemental. Just talk. Be open with her. Be honest, and tell her about things that you did when you were a teen. Be real to her. That will open the lines of communication, and give you a starting point. Teens are actually easy, if you know how to talk to them. I have two now, and three adults. Communication is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had some useful advice, but apart from suggesting the book, "yes your teen is crazy" I don't know what to tell you. I am also curious which is this one of the hardest languages that she speaks?

My own, like, has a problem with, like, English, so, like, that one is like pretty hard. Like.

amen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may go well beyond normal teen rebellious behavior if she was previously well behaved with no other issues. I would have her evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist as it could be more than just a teenager acting out and experimenting with bad choices.

+1 And add in a visit to her pediatrician to get his/her input. But your daughter needs more than the school counselor right now you should find a reputable psychologist, psychiatrist or LCSW to help your daughter.

+2 DD is a bit younger, but psychiatric meds, counseling, and removal of the phone has resulted in a changed kid.

Also, OP, keep in mind that the role of the school counselor is to advise re academics. That is why the three of us above are recommending going outside of the school counseling system to get help for your daughter. You may also want to consider family therapy if the situation warrants it and the behavior at home is sufficiently concerning.

[Anonymous]

I was like that and didn't care about the punishment. I would do the time for the crime. The only way I turned around was when I wasn't allowed to hang out with a few bad eggs and my parents implemented a reward system where I was rewarded for my grades. I went from failing and being punished to being on the honor roll and being rewarded.

[Anonymous]

In addition to therapy, I would spend a lot more time with her. Take her with you when you go grocery shopping, exercising, etc. I would consider changing to a different school.

[Anonymous]

Has she finally had it with your pressure to succeed and is now refusing your standards? She may not have wanted to do all that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to therapy, I would spend a lot more time with her. Take her with you when you go grocery shopping, exercising, etc. I would consider changing to a different school.

This always helps. We are doing this with DS -- outside hikes, ride-alongs for errands, quick unexpected lunches, an occasional mid-week movie (homework be damned), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like that and didn't care about the punishment. I would do the time for the crime. The only way I turned around was when I wasn't allowed to hang out with a few bad eggs and my parents implemented a reward system where I was rewarded for my grades. I went from failing and being punished to being on the honor roll and being rewarded.

Just curios as to what reward system made you turn around like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to therapy, I would spend a lot more time with her. Take her with you when you go grocery shopping, exercising, etc. I would consider changing to a different school.

We spend a lot of time together, and I fee like we are close, but then when I let my guards down, she does something dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9th grade daughter said that you need to talk more, and not be judgemental. Just talk. Be open with her. Be honest, and tell her about things that you did when you were a teen. Be real to her. That will open the lines of communication, and give you a starting point. Teens are actually easy, if you know how to talk to them. I have two now, and three adults. Communication is key.

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not uncommon with "beautiful" girls, who find more excitement from the attention of boys than they do from the drudgery of schoolwork.

1) See a counselor;
2) Remove the electronics;
3) Alarms on the doors and windows.

We are going through a rough time with my 14yo DS (sending nasty pictures to strangers via Kik, early onset marijuana, dishonesty) so you certainly have my sympathy.

Early onset marijuana?! Is that like early onset Alzheimer's or menopause? That is the wackiest dcurbanmom phrase I have ever read...

Early onset, in the sense that he's just now figuring it out, trying to find out where to get it, etc. Oh, and now we've found a bunch of empty Nyquil bottles. Stupid teen experimentation or the start of years of heartache? Trying to sort this out.

My DH was an early user or drugs/alcohol and was out of control for when he was 13 and 14 - marajuana, cocaine, ether (!), but he had (according to my ILs) always been a difficult child most of his life up to that point. He drank himself into a coma at 14 and was hospitalized, and it scared him into stopping the drugs and over drinking. As he reflects back, it was a scary time for him (internally/emotionally). He straightened up his behavior after that, but I feel sympathy for any parent who has to see their child go through that.

He is now a very successful professional with no substance abuse issues, so for him the drug/alcohol abuse was for a discrete time.

Wishing the best for you and your son.

[Anonymous]

See if the book Raising Human Beings by Ross Greene might help with discussing the behavior problems. Find ways to cut down on demands. Maybe she's just trying to chill out.

[Anonymous]

Repeating another PP, where is her father in all of this? Don't tell me, let me guess: He doesn't live in the home.

[Anonymous]

How does she "find a device?" My son had a rough transition to HS and we took away ALL (ipads, ipods, phones, computers) the devices. Locked them in a safe in our house. Every single day. DH and I took out what we needed each day (mainly phones) and kept the rest locked up. WE put our phones back in the safe at night

Although we build this house long before DS was a teenager, we have an alarm that beeps (or sets off the alarm if it is armed) every time a window or door is opened.

This is a difficult time. Have her talk to a counselor. If she won't go, go yourself to develop strategies to work with her.

DS is now in college, back to being a rational person, and is nice to be around. There is hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Repeating another PP, where is her father in all of this? Don't tell me, let me guess: He doesn't live in the home.

That's right. Blame the mother.