Should I call it off?

[Anonymous]

I think the question is what will be different in a year? that's a year you are wasting in case his family doesn't come around. I'm also wondering about your child. Is (s)he already bonded to your fiancé? Do you want to put him/her through another year of growing closer to this man that might never marry you because of family pressure? I agree with others that you really need to step back.

The thing to think about is that you may end up marrying him in a year, but you need to separate from him and start looking for someone that accepts you totally and would stand up for you to everyone else. He may realize after a year apart from you that he can't be without you and it may be the push he needs to stand up to his family. But by staying around for another year you are setting up the dynamics of your marriage - and those dynamics are that his family dictates your family's decisions (when to get married).

My guess is that they want the year to convince him to break up with you, you'd want the year to convince him to marry you and he just waivers in the middle for the next year.

Please call it off and break up with him. If you and he were meant to be, it'll somehow happen.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's look at this from another angle....what issue does his family have with you other than just the previous marriage and a child? That isn't a big deal now a days, every other person has been divorced or has a child. Are these really religious folks that don't believe in divorce? Do they not like your child, are they unruly? I have a brother and he is a goof and if he was marrying someone with a child I would be more concerned about her than him. More often than not families are supportive of your decisions unless you are truly making some bad decisions. Have a friend about to get married, met girl on web dated for a year but have only been in the same room with her for 100 days and they are getting married. She has a kid, who is great by the way, and she was married before. He is like a brother to me, I finally met her and all the issues I had had disappeared. She is a nice girl, my friend on the other hand is a handfull and she may not know what she is getting into.

Have you met these people who so vehemently oppose you?

I've met them and they've always been really nice to my face. I'm guessing the issue is my child and that I'm divorced. I can't think of any other reason why they would have a problem with him marrying me.

Are they super religious? This doesn't make sense unless they have a personal issue with you. That seems more reasonable than just divorced and a kid. Is your fiance greatly younger than you? How old are you and how old is he?

They're Catholic, but not super religious. He's older than me, I'm 38 and he's 40.

Do you still want to have kids? Maybe his family is disappointed that he's not marrying someone young and will start a family.

Either way, if a 40 year old man can't stand up to his family, there's no hope for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's look at this from another angle....what issue does his family have with you other than just the previous marriage and a child? That isn't a big deal now a days, every other person has been divorced or has a child. Are these really religious folks that don't believe in divorce? Do they not like your child, are they unruly? I have a brother and he is a goof and if he was marrying someone with a child I would be more concerned about her than him. More often than not families are supportive of your decisions unless you are truly making some bad decisions. Have a friend about to get married, met girl on web dated for a year but have only been in the same room with her for 100 days and they are getting married. She has a kid, who is great by the way, and she was married before. He is like a brother to me, I finally met her and all the issues I had had disappeared. She is a nice girl, my friend on the other hand is a handfull and she may not know what she is getting into.

Have you met these people who so vehemently oppose you?

I've met them and they've always been really nice to my face. I'm guessing the issue is my child and that I'm divorced. I can't think of any other reason why they would have a problem with him marrying me.

Are they super religious? This doesn't make sense unless they have a personal issue with you. That seems more reasonable than just divorced and a kid. Is your fiance greatly younger than you? How old are you and how old is he?

They're Catholic, but not super religious. He's older than me, I'm 38 and he's 40.

Is this his first marriage? You need to call his bluff. May or never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have healthy boundaries with my family. I express my concerns like an adult, and they do to me. People can have opinions that differ from you and be leading healthy lives....

Ok but that's not what OP said. People expressing concerns as an adult do not threaten not to come to your wedding. That is immature and manipulative.

Adult: " hey I have some concerns about Larla wanting to get remarried just so she has a dad for her kid. Can we talk about this?"

Vs

Brat: "If you marry Larla this year you will upset me so much that I won't be able to attend the ceremony."

[Anonymous]

I have 2 sons. I would not want one of them to marry someone with a child. Think it is only natural. I would eventually accept if he insisted.

Your fiancé should want to move heaven and earth to be with you. My MIL was not a fan of me. We still married. Her in-laws also did not like her and she married my FIL. Your fiancé should not waiver bc his family unless he also had doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons. I would not want one of them to marry someone with a child. Think it is only natural. I would eventually accept if he insisted.

Your fiancé should want to move heaven and earth to be with you. My MIL was not a fan of me. We still married. Her in-laws also did not like her and she married my FIL. Your fiancé should not waiver bc his family unless he also had doubts.

What is natural about not wanting one of your precious sons to marry someone who already has a child? B.c you know she's not a Virgin...for your son to implant his mighty seed unto?

How old are you,PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons. I would not want one of them to marry someone with a child. Think it is only natural. I would eventually accept if he insisted.

Your fiancé should want to move heaven and earth to be with you. My MIL was not a fan of me. We still married. Her in-laws also did not like her and she married my FIL. Your fiancé should not waiver bc his family unless he also had doubts.

What is natural about not wanting one of your precious sons to marry someone who already has a child? B.c you know she's not a Virgin...for your son to implant his mighty seed unto?

How old are you,PP?

Yep. So, PP, you would basically force your son to "move heaven and earth" to marry his chosen partner, because you would vociferously oppose the marriage based on the partner not meeting your criteria for a proper spouse, unless your son "insisted." And then you say OP's fiance shouldn't waver because of his family's pressure, but you've already decided to exert pressure on your own children and potentially oppose their choices. You need to get your head screwed on straight. You sound like a nightmare MIL in the making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's look at this from another angle....what issue does his family have with you other than just the previous marriage and a child? That isn't a big deal now a days, every other person has been divorced or has a child. Are these really religious folks that don't believe in divorce? Do they not like your child, are they unruly? I have a brother and he is a goof and if he was marrying someone with a child I would be more concerned about her than him. More often than not families are supportive of your decisions unless you are truly making some bad decisions. Have a friend about to get married, met girl on web dated for a year but have only been in the same room with her for 100 days and they are getting married. She has a kid, who is great by the way, and she was married before. He is like a brother to me, I finally met her and all the issues I had had disappeared. She is a nice girl, my friend on the other hand is a handfull and she may not know what she is getting into.

Have you met these people who so vehemently oppose you?

I've met them and they've always been really nice to my face. I'm guessing the issue is my child and that I'm divorced. I can't think of any other reason why they would have a problem with him marrying me.

Are they super religious? This doesn't make sense unless they have a personal issue with you. That seems more reasonable than just divorced and a kid. Is your fiance greatly younger than you? How old are you and how old is he?

They're Catholic, but not super religious. He's older than me, I'm 38 and he's 40.

Is this his first marriage? You need to call his bluff. May or never.

Yes this will be his first marriage.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that they want the year to convince him to break up with you, you'd want the year to convince him to marry you and he just waivers in the middle for the next year.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Run, run, as fast as you can....

[Anonymous]

I called off the engagement, it broke his heart, but he understands why I did it. We'll still remain friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons. I would not want one of them to marry someone with a child. Think it is only natural. I would eventually accept if he insisted.

Your fiancé should want to move heaven and earth to be with you. My MIL was not a fan of me. We still married. Her in-laws also did not like her and she married my FIL. Your fiancé should not waiver bc his family unless he also had doubts.

What is natural about not wanting one of your precious sons to marry someone who already has a child? B.c you know she's not a Virgin...for your son to implant his mighty seed unto?

How old are you,PP?

I'm 38. Yes, I would not want my child to raise another's child. I think many parents feel similarly to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons. I would not want one of them to marry someone with a child. Think it is only natural. I would eventually accept if he insisted.

Your fiancé should want to move heaven and earth to be with you. My MIL was not a fan of me. We still married. Her in-laws also did not like her and she married my FIL. Your fiancé should not waiver bc his family unless he also had doubts.

What is natural about not wanting one of your precious sons to marry someone who already has a child? B.c you know she's not a Virgin...for your son to implant his mighty seed unto?

How old are you,PP?

Yep. So, PP, you would basically force your son to "move heaven and earth" to marry his chosen partner, because you would vociferously oppose the marriage based on the partner not meeting your criteria for a proper spouse, unless your son "insisted." And then you say OP's fiance shouldn't waver because of his family's pressure, but you've already decided to exert pressure on your own children and potentially oppose their choices. You need to get your head screwed on straight. You sound like a nightmare MIL in the making.

My oldest child is 7 years old. I don't have to think about this for a long time. I don't think any mother wishes for her child to marry a single mom. Sorry if this offends you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know best.

+1 The best advice. Trust your instincts.

[Anonymous]

Go to the courthouse like we did. To hell with them. If he won't to hell with him.