Uninvited my sister from my wedding and wedding party.

[Anonymous]

You should post under the thread I started about that one person in every family that all others have to indulge and cherish while getting nothing or little in return. It seems that you have mom and a sister who are complete drama queens and don't see you as an adult, rather as a scape goat for them to vent on. You sister wanting a dress she likes is not that unusual, but your mom insisting on the whole extended family coming is a lot. Sure she is paying for it, and for how long will you have to listen to how she paid for it?

[Anonymous]

May I ask where are you or your parents from? Next thing you know, third sister can't marry and has to watch the parents and take care of them in their old age. Your sister sounds insufferable and narcissistic as does your mom. Those toxic people usually pick a family member to abuse, and then pretend that they are angels, so people think you are crazy. I am same pp as above,but just saw that you posted about the date tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my goodness, just suck it up and let it go. Yes, your sister sounds annoying, but you are matching - if not surpassing her - in pettiness. No bridesmaid likes her dress. Yes, it is probably typical that the first engaged is the first married. Of course your sister should have kept her mouth shut about all this, but you are blowing it way out of proportion. Call your sister, tell her to wear anything she thinks would complement the wedding and wedding party (dollars to doughnuts she doesn't ultimately want to "stick out"), and decide you all just want to put this behind you. Your wedding - and life! - will be much improved.

Totally disagree. It's not about the wedding, it's about giving into bullying and manipulation - which does not improve your life.

[Anonymous]

Tell your side that the wedding has been cancelled. Then get married in front of friends and fiance's side - no need to start your union surrounded by people who are negative or who do not wish you well!

[Anonymous]

Why did you ask your sister to be in the wedding if you had this kind of relationship?

[Anonymous]

Call me crazy, but I can't imagine completely ruining my relationship with my MOTHER and SISTER over one day of your life. Yeah, maybe you don't have the best relationship to begin with, but really? No one is going to remember your sister's dress. Most people won't even remember your dress. Believe me when I say this, no one cares about your wedding except for you. No one gives one crap what anyone wears. And you're going to ruin relationships over it for years to come? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Op, you like to ride this drama train, to some extent. A much lesser extent but you still have some love of drama (or you wouldn't be posting here)

I'd elope. Or change the wedding completely - maybe destination with your friends.

btw, it makes no sense to hate people and still care what they think of you.

[Anonymous]

OP, my goodness, just suck it up and let it go. Yes, your sister sounds annoying, but you are matching - if not surpassing her - in pettiness. No bridesmaid likes her dress. Yes, it is probably typical that the first engaged is the first married. Of course your sister should have kept her mouth shut about all this, but you are blowing it way out of proportion. Call your sister, tell her to wear anything she thinks would complement the wedding and wedding party (dollars to doughnuts she doesn't ultimately want to "stick out"), and decide you all just want to put this behind you. Your wedding - and life! - will be much improved.

Totally disagree. It's not about the wedding, it's about giving into bullying and manipulation - which does not improve your life.

What are you talking about? Her mom may be out of line, but the sum total of her sister's sins is bitching about her dress (which for better or worse, is Bridesmaids 101) and complaining to her Mom (not to OP) about the order of weddings. This is really petty shit. OP is blowing this way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying that I do not have a good relationship with my Mom and sister. I'm not sure why - in my adult years we have drifted apart. We do not have anything in common. I love them, but I do not generally like them as people.

Neither one of them has been supportive throughout my wedding planning process. My FI and I had agreed we would not invite extended family because neither one of us is close to our extended cousins, plus they are all 10+ years older than I am. My mom almost refused to come to my wedding, along with her family, until I invited the ENTIRE side of her family with her agreeing to pay for it. I told my mom this and she was deeply offended, and told me my aunts/uncles would not come unless their children and grandchildren were invited. So I am basically forced to invite them, grudgingly, but now my mom is happy and I can move on - whatever.

My sister has griped the entire time. She did not like my wedding dress - she called it "cheap!". She insulted the fabric that I chose for the BM dresses, said it was polyester. She insisted on going to another store to buy her dress when I said no, she had to go with at leas the same fabric and retailer because the store corresponds with the same store we are getting the ties for the groomsmen and it has to match.

Then, it came out that my Mom, my sister, and my ENTIRE mom's family is mad at me that I chose my wedding date before my sister did. My sister was engaged before I was, and apparently it's "etiquette" to wait for my sister to get married first?! She and her FI got engaged after 3 weeks of dating!!! My FI and I were dating for 2 years. It's ridiculous. I got frustrated and just told her not to come. All in all, it doesn't feel like a huge loss but I hate that I keep getting painted as the "bad guy". This is f*cking ridiculous.

I'm confused... first you say you weren't going to invite extended family, then you said the aunts and uncles weren't going to come unless you invited their kids/grandkids. Were you planning to invite some extended family members but not others, or were you not going to invite any of them until your mom started pushing? Right or wrong, I know it would ruffle feathers in my family if I invited some extended family members but not others, especially if they were parents/children.

Also, you don't sound like you respect your sister's decision to get engaged... she may not be upset that you're getting married before her, but that you don't respect her upcoming marriage. You mentioned how long they dated before getting engaged, but how long have they been engaged? If they JUST got engaged, I can understand her feeling frustrated/feeling like you stole her thunder... Not something she should be hold against you, but something that it would be natural to feel a little upset about. And since she talked about this to your mom, not to you, she may not have intended for you to even know she was feeling that way.

I guess I just feel like there's more to the story than what's being presented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would really, truly tell you and your fiance to get married in a civil ceremony first - just the two of you - and then go out to a special meal and just enjoy the day for yourselves. Then you can go ahead with the big, messy family day of crap and you won't be as annoyed because you know you've shared what's important with just the two of you and did it on your terms.

+1 got married on the beach by a friend with no one there. It was great. Still waiting to do the whole family celebration because it's going to be a fiasco.

[Anonymous]

Bridzilla

[Anonymous]

It's not about the dress colour, clearly. That is a symptom no one in your family letting you get it your way ever or not supporting you. Elope, spend the $$ on yourselves, get on with living your life and cut your family off if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, my goodness, just suck it up and let it go. Yes, your sister sounds annoying, but you are matching - if not surpassing her - in pettiness. No bridesmaid likes her dress. Yes, it is probably typical that the first engaged is the first married. Of course your sister should have kept her mouth shut about all this, but you are blowing it way out of proportion. Call your sister, tell her to wear anything she thinks would complement the wedding and wedding party (dollars to doughnuts she doesn't ultimately want to "stick out"), and decide you all just want to put this behind you. Your wedding - and life! - will be much improved.

Totally disagree. It's not about the wedding, it's about giving into bullying and manipulation - which does not improve your life.

What are you talking about? Her mom may be out of line, but the sum total of her sister's sins is bitching about her dress (which for better or worse, is Bridesmaids 101) and complaining to her Mom (not to OP) about the order of weddings. This is really petty shit. OP is blowing this way out of proportion.

Given that it's bridesmaids 101, why can't bridesmaids dresses be NICER? I know that's off-topic - but I really don't understand why the dresses are so shitty that no one wants to wear them.

[Anonymous]

OP, my goodness, just suck it up and let it go. Yes, your sister sounds annoying, but you are matching - if not surpassing her - in pettiness. No bridesmaid likes her dress. Yes, it is probably typical that the first engaged is the first married. Of course your sister should have kept her mouth shut about all this, but you are blowing it way out of proportion. Call your sister, tell her to wear anything she thinks would complement the wedding and wedding party (dollars to doughnuts she doesn't ultimately want to "stick out"), and decide you all just want to put this behind you. Your wedding - and life! - will be much improved.

Totally disagree. It's not about the wedding, it's about giving into bullying and manipulation - which does not improve your life.

What are you talking about? Her mom may be out of line, but the sum total of her sister's sins is bitching about her dress (which for better or worse, is Bridesmaids 101) and complaining to her Mom (not to OP) about the order of weddings. This is really petty shit. OP is blowing this way out of proportion.

Given that it's bridesmaids 101, why can't bridesmaids dresses be NICER? I know that's off-topic - but I really don't understand why the dresses are so shitty that no one wants to wear them.

Ha, PP answering the off-topic question, but yes! The crappiness of the dresses does seem to create unnecessary strife among friends. When I got married, I chipped in half the cost of the dresses so my bridesmaids could get silk dresses (i.e. natural fabric) without going bankrupt. And y'know, they were well above average, but still not great. I don't know what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Given that it's bridesmaids 101, why can't bridesmaids dresses be NICER? I know that's off-topic - but I really don't understand why the dresses are so shitty that no one wants to wear them.

Why do brides insist that their bridesmaids wear matching dresses? If your friends were told "Here's my dress, find something that goes with it" or even "Your dress needs to pink and it needs to be long," bridesmaids could find something they like.