Uninvited my sister from my wedding and wedding party.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the PPs are crazy--it's your day and you shouldn't need to elope because your family isn't being fair. Your sister sounds awful--don't worry about uninviting her. It was, of course, 100% fine for you to set your date before hers regardless of how long she had dated her FI.

I'm sorry you are in this situation but enjoy the day as much as possible and just keep in mind what really matters--celebrating your love with FI!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like nightmares.

this!!!

"the dresses don't match" "the fabric is cheap" "you said the fabric was cheap!"

[Anonymous]

It's sad that a day that is supposed to be a loving celebration has to get bogged down in fights over dresses not matching and people using emotional blackmail to get their way.

I can see why you have negative feelings towards your mom and sister. Everyone sounds too enmeshed, including you.

Why would your mom refuse to come to your wedding if a bunch of extended family wasn't invited? My in-laws are like that, but it's just their cultural (Asian) thing, because their weddings require everyone in the community to be invited or people become mortally offended and stop speaking. They also expect to follow hierarchies in who gets married first.

[Anonymous]

It's a mistake to uninvite your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all sound like nightmares.

omg petty AF.

[Anonymous]

Op here. She is coming, to the wedding but as a guest not as a bridesmaid. She felt upset with me that I didn't allow her to get married first. I think that's incredibly petty. We are not in a race to the altar and if we set a precedence of competition we will be competing for rest of our lives. Who has the baby first? Who buys their first house? It's just ridiculous. I don't want to be at her throat - it's too exhausting.

I'm just irritated that neither my Mom or sister have said one single nice thing about my wedding. Yet they are the pickiest ones, my Mom has to have her ENTIRE family there. My sister feels jilted that she's not getting married first?!

All in all - it's my wedding day and the most important thing is that I get to marry the love of my life. I'm going to try and push aside this family drama as it's just not helping anyone.

I'm not going to cancel and elope, because my FI does want a wedding, family is important to him. I will do what I can to make sure it's a good day for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She is coming, to the wedding but as a guest not as a bridesmaid. She felt upset with me that I didn't allow her to get married first. I think that's incredibly petty. We are not in a race to the altar and if we set a precedence of competition we will be competing for rest of our lives. Who has the baby first? Who buys their first house? It's just ridiculous. I don't want to be at her throat - it's too exhausting.

I'm just irritated that neither my Mom or sister have said one single nice thing about my wedding. Yet they are the pickiest ones, my Mom has to have her ENTIRE family there. My sister feels jilted that she's not getting married first?!

All in all - it's my wedding day and the most important thing is that I get to marry the love of my life. I'm going to try and push aside this family drama as it's just not helping anyone.

I'm not going to cancel and elope, because my FI does want a wedding, family is important to him. I will do what I can to make sure it's a good day for both of us.

This reminds me of the movie bride wars.

[Anonymous]

OP -- how old are you? You sound very young.

Sometimes you have to take the high road, it sounds like this might be an instance where it would benefit your long term relationship with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She is coming, to the wedding but as a guest not as a bridesmaid. She felt upset with me that I didn't allow her to get married first. I think that's incredibly petty. We are not in a race to the altar and if we set a precedence of competition we will be competing for rest of our lives. Who has the baby first? Who buys their first house? It's just ridiculous. I don't want to be at her throat - it's too exhausting.

I'm just irritated that neither my Mom or sister have said one single nice thing about my wedding. Yet they are the pickiest ones, my Mom has to have her ENTIRE family there. My sister feels jilted that she's not getting married first?!

All in all - it's my wedding day and the most important thing is that I get to marry the love of my life. I'm going to try and push aside this family drama as it's just not helping anyone.

I'm not going to cancel and elope, because my FI does want a wedding, family is important to him. I will do what I can to make sure it's a good day for both of us.

I disagree with PPs about eloping or "taking the high road." Your mom and sister are trying to bully you into doing what they want. Ignore their demands, threats, tantrums - just do what makes you and your fiance happy, and if your mom and sister want to be angry, that's their problem.

You could have stood up to your mom about inviting her whole family and called her bluff about skipping the wedding - but you didn't, so now that it's done, let it go. They're not going to say nice things about your wedding. That's sad, but it is what it is. Don't expect it to change.

Don't let yourself be backed into a corner on anything else. Tell your sister you're sorry her feelings are hurt, but your wedding date is set, and you won't discuss it with her anymore. Then stick to your guns. Don't engage - it takes two to make drama.

[Anonymous]

There is no law that everything and everyone has to match.

There is no law the people must be referred to by a two-letter abbreviation.

There should be a law that anyone saying (or clearly thinking) that "It's my special day" can only have a courthouse wedding.

[Anonymous]

Let me preface this by saying that I do not have a good relationship with my Mom and sister. I'm not sure why - in my adult years we have drifted apart. We do not have anything in common. I love them, but I do not generally like them as people.

Neither one of them has been supportive throughout my wedding planning process. My FI and I had agreed we would not invite extended family because neither one of us is close to our extended cousins, plus they are all 10+ years older than I am. My mom almost refused to come to my wedding, along with her family, until I invited the ENTIRE side of her family with her agreeing to pay for it. I told my mom this and she was deeply offended, and told me my aunts/uncles would not come unless their children and grandchildren were invited. So I am basically forced to invite them, grudgingly, but now my mom is happy and I can move on - whatever.

My sister has griped the entire time. She did not like my wedding dress - she called it "cheap!". She insulted the fabric that I chose for the BM dresses, said it was polyester. She insisted on going to another store to buy her dress when I said no, she had to go with at leas the same fabric and retailer because the store corresponds with the same store we are getting the ties for the groomsmen and it has to match.

Then, it came out that my Mom, my sister, and my ENTIRE mom's family is mad at me that I chose my wedding date before my sister did. My sister was engaged before I was, and apparently it's "etiquette" to wait for my sister to get married first?! She and her FI got engaged after 3 weeks of dating!!! My FI and I were dating for 2 years. It's ridiculous. I got frustrated and just told her not to come. All in all, it doesn't feel like a huge loss but I hate that I keep getting painted as the "bad guy". This is f*cking ridiculous.

No, you were not forced to invite them. You agreed to your mother's condition. You should stop bitching about the choice you made. If you regret that choice, you should learn from it. Learn to establish and maintain boundaries - and not react to the bullshit of others. Your health and marriage will benefit from it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you probably already know this, but you have to let go of your expectations about how your family *should* be acting. Yes they *should* be happy for you and not be so petty, but that's not the case. This is who they are and they are not going to be different just because a wedding is involved. Be prepared for similar drama if you have kids. It's another milestone in life that seems to highlight tensions and drama in some families. It's disappointing yes, but just move on. You can't change them, so don't let them darken an important day for you and your fiance.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Wanted to add one more thing: all of this feels very important right now - the matching dresses, the guest list, etc. I totally get it. Most of us felt the same way when planning our own weddings. But years from now, you'll be able to have some perspective on this and honestly, most of this stuff won't even matter. You might even feel silly at how strongly you felt about the matching dresses or at having to invite your mom's side of the family. None of this matters in the long run. Truly.

[Anonymous]

PP here that mentioned eloping. I only suggested it because it seemed you were stressed and wanting that. Your wedding day is about you and the groom. You don't get a redo.

At the same time, your wedding isn't about dress colors. It's not about who is there or who isn't. Be reasonable. Figure out what is most important to you and don't stress the petty things.

[Anonymous]

OP, my goodness, just suck it up and let it go. Yes, your sister sounds annoying, but you are matching - if not surpassing her - in pettiness. No bridesmaid likes her dress. Yes, it is probably typical that the first engaged is the first married. Of course your sister should have kept her mouth shut about all this, but you are blowing it way out of proportion. Call your sister, tell her to wear anything she thinks would complement the wedding and wedding party (dollars to doughnuts she doesn't ultimately want to "stick out"), and decide you all just want to put this behind you. Your wedding - and life! - will be much improved.