Uninvited my sister from my wedding and wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Let me preface this by saying that I do not have a good relationship with my Mom and sister. I'm not sure why - in my adult years we have drifted apart. We do not have anything in common. I love them, but I do not generally like them as people.

Neither one of them has been supportive throughout my wedding planning process. My FI and I had agreed we would not invite extended family because neither one of us is close to our extended cousins, plus they are all 10+ years older than I am. My mom almost refused to come to my wedding, along with her family, until I invited the ENTIRE side of her family with her agreeing to pay for it. I told my mom this and she was deeply offended, and told me my aunts/uncles would not come unless their children and grandchildren were invited. So I am basically forced to invite them, grudgingly, but now my mom is happy and I can move on - whatever.

My sister has griped the entire time. She did not like my wedding dress - she called it "cheap!". She insulted the fabric that I chose for the BM dresses, said it was polyester. She insisted on going to another store to buy her dress when I said no, she had to go with at leas the same fabric and retailer because the store corresponds with the same store we are getting the ties for the groomsmen and it has to match.

Then, it came out that my Mom, my sister, and my ENTIRE mom's family is mad at me that I chose my wedding date before my sister did. My sister was engaged before I was, and apparently it's "etiquette" to wait for my sister to get married first?! She and her FI got engaged after 3 weeks of dating!!! My FI and I were dating for 2 years. It's ridiculous. I got frustrated and just told her not to come. All in all, it doesn't feel like a huge loss but I hate that I keep getting painted as the "bad guy". This is f*cking ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

What's an FI? Father-In-?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's an FI? Father-In-?

Fiance

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just elope? It sounds like you don't really want a big wedding so don't have one.

[Anonymous]

Before uninviting them, tell them your true feelings. They deserve to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just elope? It sounds like you don't really want a big wedding so don't have one.

+1

[Anonymous]

You all sound like nightmares.

[Anonymous]

I would love to elope. But we have sent out the invitations, the date is set and the deposits have been paid. Now I am incredibly upset and don't even want to get married in front of that side of the family knowing they all think shitty things about me. Also considering that *I* am the asshole in this scenario for not considering my sister's engagement to a guy she dated for 3 weeks in planning my wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying that I do not have a good relationship with my Mom and sister. I'm not sure why - in my adult years we have drifted apart. We do not have anything in common. I love them, but I do not generally like them as people.

Neither one of them has been supportive throughout my wedding planning process. My FI and I had agreed we would not invite extended family because neither one of us is close to our extended cousins, plus they are all 10+ years older than I am. My mom almost refused to come to my wedding, along with her family, until I invited the ENTIRE side of her family with her agreeing to pay for it. I told my mom this and she was deeply offended, and told me my aunts/uncles would not come unless their children and grandchildren were invited. So I am basically forced to invite them, grudgingly, but now my mom is happy and I can move on - whatever.

My sister has griped the entire time. She did not like my wedding dress - she called it "cheap!". She insulted the fabric that I chose for the BM dresses, said it was polyester. She insisted on going to another store to buy her dress when I said no, she had to go with at leas the same fabric and retailer because the store corresponds with the same store we are getting the ties for the groomsmen and it has to match.

Then, it came out that my Mom, my sister, and my ENTIRE mom's family is mad at me that I chose my wedding date before my sister did. My sister was engaged before I was, and apparently it's "etiquette" to wait for my sister to get married first?! She and her FI got engaged after 3 weeks of dating!!! My FI and I were dating for 2 years. It's ridiculous. I got frustrated and just told her not to come. All in all, it doesn't feel like a huge loss but I hate that I keep getting painted as the "bad guy". This is f*cking ridiculous.

Does it really have to match OP?
I am always suspect of these "it is all them and I am the victim" posts. I am willing to bet there is another side to this story ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to elope. But we have sent out the invitations, the date is set and the deposits have been paid. Now I am incredibly upset and don't even want to get married in front of that side of the family knowing they all think shitty things about me. Also considering that *I* am the asshole in this scenario for not considering my sister's engagement to a guy she dated for 3 weeks in planning my wedding.

So cancel it. You don't care what they think, and you don't want what you've planned, so can it and do what you want without the people you don't want. Consider the deposits payment for lesson learned- you're not going to please everyone. Please yourself. (That sounds dirty but you know what I mean.)

[Anonymous]

Yes, she would look like the odd person out with a different dress color than the other bridesmaids and groomsmen.

[Anonymous]

Op yeah this entire family situation is messy. So if all this stresses you, then cancel the wedding and just do a small destination wedding or elope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to elope. But we have sent out the invitations, the date is set and the deposits have been paid. Now I am incredibly upset and don't even want to get married in front of that side of the family knowing they all think shitty things about me. Also considering that *I* am the asshole in this scenario for not considering my sister's engagement to a guy she dated for 3 weeks in planning my wedding.

So cancel it. You don't care what they think, and you don't want what you've planned, so can it and do what you want without the people you don't want. Consider the deposits payment for lesson learned- you're not going to please everyone. Please yourself. (That sounds dirty but you know what I mean.)

NP here. My first thought, too, was, "Cancel and elope," but that's assuming that OP's finace has zero input into all of this. OP, if your fiance wants a wedding (of any size) then you should go ahead with this one. This may be your chance to embrace his family more closely as your own.

If he doesn't give a darn, well, elope. But I can see canceling the wedding, this close to the date, as something that might end up making the groom's family at the least confused and concerned and at the worst, upset, if they've spent money to travel etc. Just saying that you do need to think about his side of things in all of this. It's not just a wedding for your side of the family but for his as well.

By the way, OP, if you just told your sister verbally or even in writing, "So don't come," she might have interpreted that as a huffy, heat-of-the-moment remark and doesn't understand that you were officially disinviting her. Because she's in the wedding party she might be assuming you were just tossing off a remark and of course wouldn't dream of actually and sincerely disinviting her, a bridesmaid. She might turn up.

[Anonymous]

I would really, truly tell you and your fiance to get married in a civil ceremony first - just the two of you - and then go out to a special meal and just enjoy the day for yourselves. Then you can go ahead with the big, messy family day of crap and you won't be as annoyed because you know you've shared what's important with just the two of you and did it on your terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she would look like the odd person out with a different dress color than the other bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Who cares? Honestly. Having everyone match DOES NOT MATTER. I realize it's what people do, and if my sister or SIL was throwing a temper tantrum about the dress I'd be super annoyed as well. BUT. Burning bridges with your whole family over this issue is not worth it. Even if you aren't best friends, this is your family. You don't go scorched earth on them over a dress.