Getting remarried and having another child when you have a tween/teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom remarried when I was ten, had my half-brother. My dad remarried a couple years later, and a half-brother and half-sister resulted from that marriage. It sucked to shuttle between two intact families (to echo a PP) living with their *family* while I was not. Christmases with stepfamilies etc. It only accentuated the things that suck about being a child of divorce. But that's life. It's up to you, OP.

I'm kind of horrified at how many of you think op should put her own plans ahead of her daughter. The poor kid didn't ask for any of this, including being the child of a broken home in the first place.

Op wait til she's 18. Then get married and have all the additional kids you want.

I'll be pushing 50 when she's 18, babies will be out of the question by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom remarried when I was ten, had my half-brother. My dad remarried a couple years later, and a half-brother and half-sister resulted from that marriage. It sucked to shuttle between two intact families (to echo a PP) living with their *family* while I was not. Christmases with stepfamilies etc. It only accentuated the things that suck about being a child of divorce. But that's life. It's up to you, OP.

I'm kind of horrified at how many of you think op should put her own plans ahead of her daughter. The poor kid didn't ask for any of this, including being the child of a broken home in the first place.

Op wait til she's 18. Then get married and have all the additional kids you want.

I'll be pushing 50 when she's 18, babies will be out of the question by then.

OP, this means you're currently pushing 43? There are people who do it, and lots of them are on this forum. More power to them if that's what they want to do. I'm the poster with the joint-custody only child teen again. Personally (and it's just me I'm talking about, here) I got remarried when my child was twelve. Among all the other reasons I didn't have another baby, the idea of starting over with a baby in my forties after getting a child well into adolescence was not appealing to me. That's having a ten year old at 53 and a fifteen year old at 58. However, I'm not everybody. Some people do and are very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely feel that way too. Poor DD gets to split her time between two intact families and she's the outsider all the time.

So you understand why this is a tough decision for me?

Yes. Please choose your daughter over any future possible kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom remarried when I was ten, had my half-brother. My dad remarried a couple years later, and a half-brother and half-sister resulted from that marriage. It sucked to shuttle between two intact families (to echo a PP) living with their *family* while I was not. Christmases with stepfamilies etc. It only accentuated the things that suck about being a child of divorce. But that's life. It's up to you, OP.

I'm kind of horrified at how many of you think op should put her own plans ahead of her daughter. The poor kid didn't ask for any of this, including being the child of a broken home in the first place.

Op wait til she's 18. Then get married and have all the additional kids you want.

I'll be pushing 50 when she's 18, babies will be out of the question by then.

OP, this means you're currently pushing 43? There are people who do it, and lots of them are on this forum. More power to them if that's what they want to do. I'm the poster with the joint-custody only child teen again. Personally (and it's just me I'm talking about, here) I got remarried when my child was twelve. Among all the other reasons I didn't have another baby, the idea of starting over with a baby in my forties after getting a child well into adolescence was not appealing to me. That's having a ten year old at 53 and a fifteen year old at 58. However, I'm not everybody. Some people do and are very happy.

I'll be 42 this year. When my daughter is 18 and in college, I'll be 48. I wouldn't want to start over at time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad remarried when I was 13. They had a child when I was 21. I didn't learn until much later that he was willing to give her a baby but it was on the condition that we had graduated HS and were out of the house. My brother is 2 years younger than me.

We both love our little sister

Wow, you dad sounds like a very very loving father who respects and loves you immensely. You are lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it but not for the reasons you mention. Why go back to diapers, burping, breastfeeding and all this crap?? you have a nice life with a guy who does not live with you - no additional problems with having another adult in the house and making all those compromises.
Why would you want all that baby hubby crap???
I would never do that!

If OP decides she doesn't want more children, she needs to tell her boyfriend as soon as possible so he can find a woman to marry and have a family with. It's unfair to drag him along like that. He brought up marriage before, clearly he want a family and kids of his own. If OP doesn't wanna give him that, for whatever reason, them she needs to let him go so he can find what he wants too. It's great that she considers her daughter, but she also should consider him. She can't be selfish just because she already has a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it but not for the reasons you mention. Why go back to diapers, burping, breastfeeding and all this crap?? you have a nice life with a guy who does not live with you - no additional problems with having another adult in the house and making all those compromises.
Why would you want all that baby hubby crap???
I would never do that!

If OP decides she doesn't want more children, she needs to tell her boyfriend as soon as possible so he can find a woman to marry and have a family with. It's unfair to drag him along like that. He brought up marriage before, clearly he want a family and kids of his own. If OP doesn't wanna give him that, for whatever reason, them she needs to let him go so he can find what he wants too. It's great that she considers her daughter, but she also should consider him. She can't be selfish just because she already has a child.

OP here, you're absolutely right. I told him that I want to be with him, but my daughter comes first. He's still around so it looks like he's willing to make it work one way or another. I know I need to make a decision soon because he really wants a family.

[Anonymous]

My dad did this. The issue was not my half sister, but that my dad is clueless and my stepmother is evil. Those things would likely be true with or without the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad did this. The issue was not my half sister, but that my dad is clueless and my stepmother is evil. Those things would likely be true with or without the baby.

The fact you still think this at your age shows you're just as clueless as your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it but not for the reasons you mention. Why go back to diapers, burping, breastfeeding and all this crap?? you have a nice life with a guy who does not live with you - no additional problems with having another adult in the house and making all those compromises.
Why would you want all that baby hubby crap???
I would never do that!

If OP decides she doesn't want more children, she needs to tell her boyfriend as soon as possible so he can find a woman to marry and have a family with. It's unfair to drag him along like that. He brought up marriage before, clearly he want a family and kids of his own. If OP doesn't wanna give him that, for whatever reason, them she needs to let him go so he can find what he wants too. It's great that she considers her daughter, but she also should consider him. She can't be selfish just because she already has a child.

OP here, you're absolutely right. I told him that I want to be with him, but my daughter comes first. He's still around so it looks like he's willing to make it work one way or another. I know I need to make a decision soon because he really wants a family.

Red flag. You and your daughter would be a family for him. Sounds like that isn't enough.

[Anonymous]

Self-centered PP. The world does not revolve around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad did this. The issue was not my half sister, but that my dad is clueless and my stepmother is evil. Those things would likely be true with or without the baby.

The fact you still think this at your age shows you're just as clueless as your dad.

I'd like you to meet my dad and stepmother! I wish it weren't true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it but not for the reasons you mention. Why go back to diapers, burping, breastfeeding and all this crap?? you have a nice life with a guy who does not live with you - no additional problems with having another adult in the house and making all those compromises.
Why would you want all that baby hubby crap???
I would never do that!

If OP decides she doesn't want more children, she needs to tell her boyfriend as soon as possible so he can find a woman to marry and have a family with. It's unfair to drag him along like that. He brought up marriage before, clearly he want a family and kids of his own. If OP doesn't wanna give him that, for whatever reason, them she needs to let him go so he can find what he wants too. It's great that she considers her daughter, but she also should consider him. She can't be selfish just because she already has a child.

OP here, you're absolutely right. I told him that I want to be with him, but my daughter comes first. He's still around so it looks like he's willing to make it work one way or another. I know I need to make a decision soon because he really wants a family.

Red flag. You and your daughter would be a family for him. Sounds like that isn't enough.

Him wanting a family is a red flag? How?