Nephews visiting over Christmas smoked pot outside our home and returned high -- wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Weed is legal in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weed is legal in DC.

Legal or not OP has the right to determine what she does or does not want on her property.

OP should have spoke up as it was happening. Since she didn't she could tell her sister now that her house is a weed free zone. They are free to do what they want with that info.

Also OP your 16 year od knows about pot and it's highly likely has partaken in it, so knows a good time to make it crystal clear your home is a drug free zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weed is legal in DC.

Not for minors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell their parents they are not invited back due to the use of illegal drugs at your home.

Was the smoking illegal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weed is legal in DC.

Not for minors.

She didnt say the ages.

[Anonymous]

What you should do OP is rush out to Jared and buy some pearls to clutch. Give me a fucking break. Weed is legal in DC. It'll probably be legal in Maryland soon. Additionally, without some drawbacks, most studies indicate it's a much more benign substance than alcohol. Anyway, calm down and just ask your relatives to tell their kids to cool it while they're at your house. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also bring it up now and cite not saying anything b/c you did not want to ruin the holidays.
But I can bet you money you and your husband will be called prudes, uptight etc etc. plus you will offend their parenting skills. So get ready for some push back. And you can't ban only the nephews from your house for this, you never made the rules clear, so they figured it was fine. I would say no drugs or drug use in my house, Maybe you will never have to host them again....

And you need to tell them not to shit on the rug to make it an understood rule? Give me a break. You don't need to tell anyone not to do drugs in your house when they walk in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. I'm sure you'd be fine killing a bottle of wine with your girlfriends but god forbid someone who has smoked weed be near your precious snowflakes!

Ah, the precious snowfkake spotter strikes again.

[Anonymous]

Meh, I don't think OP is pearl clutching. This is from someone who both smokes and drinks (albeit not too often with little ones to take care of). Getting high on Xmas morning and coming in for present opening is kind of shitty to do. Just like someone pounding a whole bottle of wine before xmas morning would be weird too. I had a mimosa while present opening (my kids don't quite get santa yet so we didn't do it super early), if I had 1 pull off a bowl, maybe that would be similar but being visibly drunk or high is different IMO.

That said, I think jumping to the "you are barred" conversation is so extreme, this is your family- you sound like you love them and view them as important not an obligation- so just have an honest convo with the adults, it bugged you, you want that to be just an evening/after kids activity or not at all in your house or whatever you are comfy with. There is no need to make this a HUGE deal, just be honest. THey will probably feel bad they upset you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't think OP is pearl clutching. This is from someone who both smokes and drinks (albeit not too often with little ones to take care of). Getting high on Xmas morning and coming in for present opening is kind of shitty to do. Just like someone pounding a whole bottle of wine before xmas morning would be weird too. I had a mimosa while present opening (my kids don't quite get santa yet so we didn't do it super early), if I had 1 pull off a bowl, maybe that would be similar but being visibly drunk or high is different IMO.

That said, I think jumping to the "you are barred" conversation is so extreme, this is your family- you sound like you love them and view them as important not an obligation- so just have an honest convo with the adults, it bugged you, you want that to be just an evening/after kids activity or not at all in your house or whatever you are comfy with. There is no need to make this a HUGE deal, just be honest. THey will probably feel bad they upset you.

+1

Absolutely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was so angry about this, but didn't complain. My brother and sister-in-law were well aware of what they were doing and did not even blink an eye. I have a sixteen year old son (never has drunk or any drugs) and a nine year old daughter. I don't want them exposed to this behavior, although I don't think they were aware of what was going on. On top of this, one of the nephews was extremely rude and would not even sit up when we were opening gifts...he just lounged on the sofa. It also bothers me that this happened in front of my husband's family members, and it is just embarrassing to me that my family behaves in such a classless manner.

They will surely want to visit again next year, but I will want to put my foot down on drug use around my family. Should I wait until the time comes or say something now? They live 7 hours away, so I don't expect they will visit before then.

If you think lounging on the sofa on christmas morning is classless, I think you need to see a surgeon about whatever is stuck up your ass.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't invite them again and make excuses why.

Or I would call sibling and say that I didn't feel comfortable with the smoking if she is the type to be able to talk about things.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I probably should have clarified that the boys did not smoke right outside the house, but walked a few doors down and smoked in front of my neighbor's house. Either way, I find it unacceptable behavior for obvious reasons. They are in their late teens. We don't live in DC, so it is illegal where we live.

As for the lounging on the couch, this was not Christmas morning, but Christmas evening after dinner (they arrived around 3 pm Christmas Day). The boy was acting extremely rude slouching down on the couch with his feet up and not engaging with the group. I actually think he is depressed, which makes it sad, but still feel his parents should have corrected the behavior.

No I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to cause an argument on Christmas Day. Also considering that their mom (my sister-in-law) was trashed from drinking too much wine, bring up the issue would probably have created more drama that I didn't want to expose my kids to. They were clueless as to what was going on, and I consider that a good thing.

I still don't think bringing up the issue now is going to do any good. If they plan another visit, I will bring it up then. I don't think saying the boys are not invited is going to do anything good for my relationship with my brother, so I will just set the ground rules for the visit before they come.

Thanks to those who gave thoughtful input. And for those who called me a prude, I got a good chuckle. You don't know anything about me. What I do around my kids vs. what I do with a group of adults only are two different things. I expect the same from my adult nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I don't think OP is pearl clutching. This is from someone who both smokes and drinks (albeit not too often with little ones to take care of). Getting high on Xmas morning and coming in for present opening is kind of shitty to do. Just like someone pounding a whole bottle of wine before xmas morning would be weird too. I had a mimosa while present opening (my kids don't quite get santa yet so we didn't do it super early), if I had 1 pull off a bowl, maybe that would be similar but being visibly drunk or high is different IMO.

That said, I think jumping to the "you are barred" conversation is so extreme, this is your family- you sound like you love them and view them as important not an obligation- so just have an honest convo with the adults, it bugged you, you want that to be just an evening/after kids activity or not at all in your house or whatever you are comfy with. There is no need to make this a HUGE deal, just be honest. THey will probably feel bad they upset you.

+1

Absolutely agree.

This is all totally reasonable. But, like, are you really never going to have your brother over for the holidays again because his teenagers smoked pot at the wrong time that once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell their parents they are not invited back due to the use of illegal drugs at your home.

+1

That is what I would do.

Where do you live? Not illegal in DC.

NP here. I don't EFFIN' care if it's illegal or legal. In MY HOME, with MY KIDS in the house, NOBODY may use it. Which the nephews full on should know, because they HID IT. that is, if they thought it was ok to do, they would have lit up right in the living room. So you don't need to feel that you had to "address in advance" that nobody should use drugs. Illegal or not.

So now you address it. previous posters have suggested better ways than I can (we've been thinking about it, didn't want to talk in front of others, but your children aren't allowed back if they are going to use any type of drugs while they are guests in my home.) I'd be hard pressed to act civil.

Frankly, I think I would hvae taken the little brats (and even if they are 28 and 29 years old, they are acting like brats) outside and told them that what they did was unacceptable, so they should now try to fix it by going up to the bedroom they were staying in and stay there until they are straight. And if that means they missed a meal, so be it.

God, people are crazy, talking about whather it's "legal or illegal" because you do not do not live in DC. Who cares? This is YOUR HOME and you don't need to put up with kids being high in your home. You don't need to put up with your sister and brother doing it, either, by the way, even though they are adults, etc.

Frankly, I'd also say "if your sons can't promise to stay clean during their entire stay at our home, then they aren't welcome." and, yes, expect push back but who cares?