Why does my mother find it impossible to stop talking?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this. It's mostly harmless tho its pretty wearing after a few hours. It's this nonstop inane yammering. If I try to interject or add to the conversation, she'll often just stare blankly at me for a moment before continuing on her blathering, without at all acknowledging the thing I just said. It's really weird and I mainly put it down to perhaps early signs of dementia. We usually only see the inlaws over Christmas so i can put up with it. Drives DH bonkers tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my mother and my MIL do this. My mom is local, so we only have to deal with it for an afternoon or an evening or so. We're traveling tomorrow to stay with MIL and I'm dreading it because she's also one of those people who believe that we all MUST BE TOGETHER EVERY MOMENT. If I go to the bathroom and am gone for more than 5 minutes she starts calling for me to see where I am. If I'm reading a book on the couch she'll sit down across from me and start talking to me and will complain to DH that I'm being rude by reading. We have to talk while watching TV or watching movies. I'm an introvert who works with people all day and I just want some downtime to recharge for a few days and I don't get a minute of downtime there. I know I need to suck it up and deal, especially because she lives alone and is lonely, but it's exhausting.

Deep breaths....

My MIL is like this, too. I feel you.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. I think she's really lonely. I do know deep down that she means we'll and try to not get aggravated, but it's so trying.

When she asks about me, she doesn't even ask a real question, she just said things like "So work's going well?" "So you're feeling better?" "So you like your new place?" And then keeps going with her conversation. I'd have to contradict her to confide that anything is ever wrong, so I don't bother.

I would love to be closer, I just don't know how. I end up saying almost nothing when she visits because there's no room in the monologue. I'll check back this thread on case anyone has good tips! Good luck everyone! I need to write down how i feel now so I don't do the same thing to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if we're watching a movie or somebody is reading, she can't be quiet for more than a minute or two. She hasn't even been here for 24 hours and I'm exhausted.

My mother used to be the same. Now she's gone, and I miss it along with her.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if we're watching a movie or somebody is reading, she can't be quiet for more than a minute or two. She hasn't even been here for 24 hours and I'm exhausted.

My mother used to be the same. Now she's gone, and I miss it along with her.

My MIL was like this too. So glad she's gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol..this is my mom too. She completely dominates the conversation and it is all about her. After a while, I just nod and smile hoping she will stop. If I have friends over, she interrupts me to make sure she gets her thoughts out. She is coming after Christmas, so I am enjoying the quiet now.

My mother and my grandmother!

My mother... doesn't lead the examined life. Every single thought she has is vomited out immediately. I think silence makes her nervous.

[Anonymous]

My mom, too! We are wallowing in the relative peace and quiet of chirstmas morning with a toddler and a dog before she flies in this afternoon. She's taking a cab from the airport but if not, I guarantee that I could spot her seat mate from the plane at the security exit. It'd be whoever looked the most exhausted and shellshocked from 2 hours of her anxiety-induced and/or attention-seeking chatter. Best part is all her talking revolves around her. I'm setting an iPhone timer when she arrives and will turn it off the first time she asks me something about me. It will look like one of those timers you forget to turn off until they hit 79 hours or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if we're watching a movie or somebody is reading, she can't be quiet for more than a minute or two. She hasn't even been here for 24 hours and I'm exhausted.

My mother used to be the same. Now she's gone, and I miss it along with her.

My MIL was like this too. So glad she's gone.

All I want for Christmas is to be able to say my mother is gone. She never stops talking and everything she says is either criticism, bragging, or orders.

My dad could use a year of peace and quiet, with no domestic abuse, before he dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is me. I think I am just extroverted, and it is anxiety too. When I was growing up, my mother's silence meant she was distant, angry, and some bad stuff was about to go down. I feel much safer constantly checking the barometer of the room by being in conversation

I'm sorry, PP. My SIL is like this and I suspect it's for the same reason. "Checking the barometer of the room" describes her really well. It makes me sad that she can't relax when we're together.

In this situation it seems like letting the anxious person know why you are being silent might help. "Jane, I'm a bit of an introvert. All this talking is exhausting and making me feel (bad, anxious,etc). I need a little silence. It's not because I'm mad or angry. In fact silence makes me happy. If your goal is to make the people around you happy, please give me 30mins of silence so I can read and decompress. "

This would probably help. It's taken me YEARS to realize when people are silent they aren't being angry at me, they just are in their own heads. Particularly around family, this is ramped up way more. Now I can tolerate it and even relax into it but I think many extroverted types or anxious types assume something is wrong. If you are an extrovert, human interaction makes you feel better. The same way that them constantly talking makes you feel stressed, your silence makes them feel stressed. So it's about compromise, I think- I make an effort to be quieter/not try to chat all the time, and I tell them that I need some reassurance- I need to ask them questions and not get one words answers back, that kind of a thing. But communicating about it so both sides can understand the other person is I think the key, and helps to meet in the middle so both parties can relax a bit.

This is so interesting--I appreciate that you and the other PPs spelled ithis out. I think it describes the dynamic my very extroverted mom had quite well. The amount of talking she would do when we were first reunited after an absence was amazing to me, but it was all very insightful and interesting stuff. I think she was trying to make sure we felt connected. She did fear silence, and it likely was due to her judgmental mom.

I adored my mom, but can't take that level of talking from anyone. I have an equally chatty youngest son, and I'd sic them on each other. The two of them would sit together in a big chair and talk and do projects hour after hour. This is our first xmas without her, and i feel like we need to bring in some outside talent to siphon off some of my son's social energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend does this. It's anxiety. She is completely exhausting. She never stops talking. Not even for a second and when I talk she doesn't listen. I hate that she's so anxious but it does a number on my psyche to spend more than a couple of hours with her.

Yes, I think it's anxiety.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me grateful for my family, which is comprised of "big talkers". No, it's not a competition for dominance (what an odd thing to think). It's because conversation is enjoyable and fun, and lively ones where everyone is engaged and contributing moreso. I've told friends before when visiting my family, "They talk a lot, so don't worry about feeling awkward, they'll make you feel right at home"- and my family always does! They certainly have their flaws- but when you are hanging out with my uncles, cousins, etc, you're going to hear really interesting conversations about varying topics, great, intellectual jokes, and you're not going to be bored.

I think it's really unforunate some take such a paranoid and crazy view of people who are chatty. They are not out to get you (at least, most arent)- they are just extroverted and chatty, and probably excited to see you and talk to you. (And, probably, if anything, a little bummed if they are used to nonresponsiveness from you- maybe that is a tension you sense, and assume ulterior motives)

Lighten up, realize that people are different and want different things. I was raised going to family dinners where conversation moved swift and fast, so I learned to navigate it. If you didn't, that's totally fine too. But don't hold it against those who like to chat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is me. I think I am just extroverted, and it is anxiety too. When I was growing up, my mother's silence meant she was distant, angry, and some bad stuff was about to go down. I feel much safer constantly checking the barometer of the room by being in conversation

I mean this kindly, honestly, I do. Your barometer is off. Please recalibrate your barometer by listening or breathing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me grateful for my family, which is comprised of "big talkers". No, it's not a competition for dominance (what an odd thing to think). It's because conversation is enjoyable and fun, and lively ones where everyone is engaged and contributing moreso. I've told friends before when visiting my family, "They talk a lot, so don't worry about feeling awkward, they'll make you feel right at home"- and my family always does! They certainly have their flaws- but when you are hanging out with my uncles, cousins, etc, you're going to hear really interesting conversations about varying topics, great, intellectual jokes, and you're not going to be bored.

I think it's really unforunate some take such a paranoid and crazy view of people who are chatty. They are not out to get you (at least, most arent)- they are just extroverted and chatty, and probably excited to see you and talk to you. (And, probably, if anything, a little bummed if they are used to nonresponsiveness from you- maybe that is a tension you sense, and assume ulterior motives)

Lighten up, realize that people are different and want different things. I was raised going to family dinners where conversation moved swift and fast, so I learned to navigate it. If you didn't, that's totally fine too. But don't hold it against those who like to chat!

I'm super extroverted and love conversation. What bothers me is people who talk and talk and don't have actual back and forth. These people don't listen or really respond appropriately, they just go on and on with their internal thoughts. I'm pretty sure the OP is not annoyed with the type of lively talk you're posting about.

[Anonymous]

I feel you. If the talk is all about herself maybe it is narcisum.

[Anonymous]

I do the same thing my dad says.He gives me a reminder by telling me he can't watch the show without pausing it bc I won't shut up or we will be in the car and he will just say "damn you talk a lot" while I'm blabbering away