Reply to Why does my mother find it impossible to stop talking?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Why does my mother find it impossible to stop talking?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like this is me.  I think I am just extroverted, and it is anxiety too.  When I was growing up, my mother's silence meant she was distant, angry, and some bad stuff was about to go down.  I feel much safer constantly checking the barometer of the room by being in conversation [/quote]

I'm sorry, PP. My SIL is like this and I suspect it's for the same reason. "Checking the barometer of the room" describes her really well. It makes me sad that she can't relax when we're together.[/quote]

In this situation it seems like letting the anxious person know why you are being silent might help. "Jane, I'm a bit of an introvert. All this talking is exhausting and making me feel (bad, anxious,etc). I need a little silence. It's not because I'm mad or angry. In fact silence makes me happy. If your goal is to make the people around you happy, please give me 30mins of silence so I can read and decompress. "[/quote]

This would probably help.  It's taken me YEARS to realize when people are silent they aren't being angry at me, they just are in their own heads.  Particularly around family, this is ramped up way more.  Now I can tolerate it and even relax into it but I think many extroverted types or anxious types assume something is wrong.  If you are an extrovert, human interaction makes you feel better. The same way that them constantly talking makes you feel stressed, your silence makes them feel stressed.  So it's about compromise, I think- I make an effort to be quieter/not try to chat all the time, and I tell them that I need some reassurance- I need to ask them questions and not get one words answers back, that kind of a thing.  But communicating about it so both sides can understand the other person is I think the key, and helps to meet in the middle so both parties can relax a bit. [/quote]

This is so interesting--I appreciate that you and the other PPs spelled ithis out. I think it describes the dynamic my very extroverted mom had quite well. The amount of talking she would do when we were first reunited after an absence was amazing to me, but it was all very insightful and interesting stuff. I think she was trying to make sure we felt connected. She did fear silence, and it likely was due to her judgmental mom.

I adored my mom, but can't take that level of talking from anyone. I have an equally chatty youngest son, and I'd sic them on each other. The two of them would sit together in a big chair and talk and do projects hour after hour. This is our first xmas without her, and i feel like we need to bring in some outside talent to siphon off some of my son's social energy. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics