What's up with teen girls these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up here in the 80's and I don't think it is anything new... though I would say that the kids with anxieties were the top students taking too many honors/AP classes and could never satisfy their parents endless need for them to "do better than their parents".

I also went to a reunion and the "top" students are not exactly standouts professionally/personally. So it seems like it was all for naught.

I think it's this area, super competitive... extrinsic validation... pushing your kids to beat the Jones' kids.

I let my kids take life slowly, don't over do their school schedule (freshman year: took Algebra, no APs), let them navigate their sports, etc.... People act like I have 2 heads. OTOH, my brother who lives in Colorado had his son do test prep for the SATs and people looked at him like he had 2 heads.

he doesn't live in boulder does he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up here in the 80's and I don't think it is anything new... though I would say that the kids with anxieties were the top students taking too many honors/AP classes and could never satisfy their parents endless need for them to "do better than their parents".

I also went to a reunion and the "top" students are not exactly standouts professionally/personally. So it seems like it was all for naught.

I think it's this area, super competitive... extrinsic validation... pushing your kids to beat the Jones' kids.

I let my kids take life slowly, don't over do their school schedule (freshman year: took Algebra, no APs), let them navigate their sports, etc.... People act like I have 2 heads. OTOH, my brother who lives in Colorado had his son do test prep for the SATs and people looked at him like he had 2 heads.

he doesn't live in boulder does he?

Denver

[Anonymous]

New form of attention whoring. Anxiety and depression is a "thing" ... a trend. Thank the likes of Lena Dunham and picture blogs like tumblr for making it trendy; they glorify popping xanax and lexapro. It's so cool to be in anti-depressants!

[Anonymous]

I'm the parent of a teen girl with serious mental health issues, some of which are undoubtedly genetic and some of which are the result of the ongoing trauma inflicted by abusive peers in person and online. I am really appalled that anyone would use the term "attention whoring" to describe young women who are asking for help and/or speaking about their struggles.

[Anonymous]

this campaign season and our new assaulter-elect haven't helped the situation for girls and women any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of a teen girl with serious mental health issues, some of which are undoubtedly genetic and some of which are the result of the ongoing trauma inflicted by abusive peers in person and online. I am really appalled that anyone would use the term "attention whoring" to describe young women who are asking for help and/or speaking about their struggles.

I am sorry to hear that your DD is having major issues. My DS has a serious mental issue since 4 years old. I am not the pp who posted the offending post. However, I agree to some degree that some girls are faking it and it is a fad. This is completely wrong as there are kids with serious issues, and these girls are in a way making a mockery of real mental illness. It is not right, but it is happening. I drive a lot of teen girls to and from activities and school, and sometimes they talk about how they are sure they are bipolar, or OCD, or depressed, all while having a great time and laughing. My DD herself went on about how she is triggered... by the fact that I didn't buy ice cream! They have no idea what half of the terms mean, they are using trigger for anything, they are the product of our sensitive, politically correct wimp producing society. I say all this with acknowledging that this is wrong, but they are doing it. Some are doing it as attention grabbing, some for fun, some read too much online and are pampered girls who have too much time on their hands. This is all sorts of wrong as kids who really have problems might be lost in all this other drama when it comes to education and behavioral help. How is a parent to know? If you do take her to a Dr. you are trying to help, if you don't you are insensitive and blind to your child's issues. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to college at 18 with a raging eating disorder and anxiety. This is nothing new?

Last year?

I did, too. In 1990.

But it was more unusual then, I think.

[Anonymous]

mental health is more talked about, treatment is more widely available and getting treatment is becoming more widely accepted. It is NOT new for teens to have mental health issues. RECOGNIZING IT and TREATING IT appropriately is what is new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have talked about this a lot but we are older - almost 50. We have two teens and the difference in how we were raised and how we are raising ours is huge. Some of it we are happy about but some we are not. Our neighborhood, kids peer group, schools have influence for good and bad.

One difference is that We spend so much time with our kids! Not complaining only sharing an observation. It is the expectation and the environment so with all this time together we see/ hear more ( or they tell us more?)

When we were kids we were in the neighborhood/ community with friends, no way to contact parents during the day from school! Now, The slightest thing and I get a text from a DC.

Only Hall phones and weekly letters when I started college so a lot of things we had to figure out on our own or with the help of our peers. Made mistakes and really dumb decisions a few times but I want to believe it allowed for growth and resilience?

I don't know but I see this dependence on parents and level of anxiety extremely high in my community. I know one can argue that there was a lot our parents did not know and that was not good either but there needs to be balance.

I'm not innocent as have fallen in to over - parenting at times. A lot has to do with the community. You feel your DC can do, see, plan, account for something but no other friend is " allowed" so you eventually just go along with the norm.

All this rambling to say I think maybe one theory is we spend too much time with our kids?

Interesting. Have you ever spoken to your DCs about this? What do they think? They're old enough to observe themselves and their friends and have opinions and insights that might be helpful to you and your DH.

More specifically, how would they feel about working together to set limits on when/why they can text you? Especially during the school day? Do you think they'd be open to a one-week "experiement" see how it feels for them (and you) to text less and problem-solve on their own more (or just save up all the things to tell you later, when they see you at home)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mental illness is in, didn't you hear? High school girls are diagnosing themselves, and want to get tests these days, as so many of their friends have something wrong... it is a fad and peer following. Not all are truly having issues, plus what qualifies as anxiety today used to be considered part of growing up and even needed to do well in school. If you are smart you worry about how you will do on a test, with peers, but it rarely is clinical anxiety, yet parents and kids buy into this today.

Agree to disagree. A lot of kids "diagnosing" themselves do so with limited knowledge of the mental health illnesses they're claiming. Even this can be partially attributed to social media. There's a lot of big Youtubers (and others on different platforms) out there that have made an identity out of being a "special snowflake" and claim they have anxiety disorders. While some of them are truthful, most all of them fail to distinguish the difference between having anxious feelings sometimes and having an actual anxiety disorder. Thus, many young teens jump to conclusions, thinking that because they've experienced moments of anxiousness as well, they suffer from an anxiety disorder.

That being said, there are many kids out that there are actually struggling with debilitating mental health issues. It doesn't help that we're in a generally high-pressure area. It's frustrating to many because the kids claiming mental health issues they don't actually have often inadvertently delegitimize the kids who are actually dealing with such things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mental illness is in, didn't you hear? High school girls are diagnosing themselves, and want to get tests these days, as so many of their friends have something wrong... it is a fad and peer following. Not all are truly having issues, plus what qualifies as anxiety today used to be considered part of growing up and even needed to do well in school. If you are smart you worry about how you will do on a test, with peers, but it rarely is clinical anxiety, yet parents and kids buy into this today.

Teen DD - 17 and a senior was just telling me this the other day and she feels while many have issues, some of her friends seem to be creating them for themselves. One friend is now using the word "anxious" all the time in her vocabulary and spends a lot of her free time on Tumblr. She and so many of the girls have decided they are bisexual - more than you'd think is statistically the norm. DD feels like all of this is "trending".

I feel like it's much worse than the 80s when I was in HS. Yes there were kids with issues but nothing like the numbers of kids and what I hear about today from our teens plus also there seems to be way more kids with special needs/ADD etc these days.

Social media plays a huge and detrimental role especially in promoting cutting and crazy fads and so on. I read the articles on Snapchat, Buzzfeed etc and they try to normalize every sort of deviant behavior out there and make it seem okay or like something everyone is doing. Ugh! I feel so sorry for teens today.

[Anonymous]

I think that what a lot of teenagers don't understand is that there is clinical anxiety (not normal) and then there is the feeling of being anxious, which is a normal part of life. Some people may be more prone to feeling anxious (myself included, I have always been a perfectionist, type A person) but that doesn't mean that they have a clinical anxiety disorder. I do think that it is a smart idea to talk to teenagers about how they can deal with normal feelings of anxiety in a healthy way without overreacting.

On another note, I do think social media is having a detrimental effect on teenagers (particularly girls). Although it is fun and makes it easy to keep up with friends and family, I think there's an inherent sense of competition and striving for the perfection that people portray on social media that isn't good for young females to grow up with. Prime example of this is the instagram account "AmberFillerup" I see so many young girls commenting on her posts saying how she is "#goalz" and young teenagers may not realize how fake these social media celebrities' lives actually are.

Read a really interesting book about this over the summer: https://www.amazon.com/American-Girls-Social-Secret-Teenagers/dp/0385353928

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that what a lot of teenagers don't understand is that there is clinical anxiety (not normal) and then there is the feeling of being anxious, which is a normal part of life. Some people may be more prone to feeling anxious (myself included, I have always been a perfectionist, type A person) but that doesn't mean that they have a clinical anxiety disorder. I do think that it is a smart idea to talk to teenagers about how they can deal with normal feelings of anxiety in a healthy way without overreacting.

On another note, I do think social media is having a detrimental effect on teenagers (particularly girls). Although it is fun and makes it easy to keep up with friends and family, I think there's an inherent sense of competition and striving for the perfection that people portray on social media that isn't good for young females to grow up with. Prime example of this is the instagram account "AmberFillerup" I see so many young girls commenting on her posts saying how she is "#goalz" and young teenagers may not realize how fake these social media celebrities' lives actually are.

Read a really interesting book about this over the summer: https://www.amazon.com/American-Girls-Social-Secret-Teenagers/dp/0385353928

I definitely agree. A lot of anxiety disorders are misunderstood. Take OCD. I've met people that have self-diagnosed themselves (all in seriousness) with OCD because they're self proclaimed perfectionists that love cleaning - a far cry from the actual thing. Education and awareness are important in these kids, and adults alike.

Funny you mention one of the few big instagrammers I'm aware of. Amber has gotten lip injections and lots of Botox, and her parenting frankly seems inadequate for her young children. But she has nice clothes, lots of makeup, and travels the world, portraying her life as something unrealistic that girls should "aspire to."

[Anonymous]

There are so many snowflakes with Tumblr blogs going on about their illnesses, mental and physical, that numerous threads against them are a staple on anti-snowflake sites.

These illnesses are almost always entirely self-diagnosed. I think the ones who actually have the illnesses are continuing to suffer in silence, although they may be more open to telling their parents than they were back in the day. That is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the parent of a teen girl with serious mental health issues, some of which are undoubtedly genetic and some of which are the result of the ongoing trauma inflicted by abusive peers in person and online. I am really appalled that anyone would use the term "attention whoring" to describe young women who are asking for help and/or speaking about their struggles.

Yes. Really. In fact I carry some guilt because once we realized how severe her anxiety was I researched more into it and she'd been showing signs since childhood. I had been writing it off as phases etc but tied together in a string clearly showed the progression. I am also anti meds and had to own up to my prejudice to meds so that we could help her. Really to mock our children is simply cruel and thoughtless.