In-laws didn't come to daughters 1st birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I may be off base but it's how I feel. Like I said - holidays and birthdays are important to me. Will my daughter remember - no and am I planning to remind her about her grandparents not coming, no. But we will not have another time together (both families) again. It's sad they made that choice.

You're setting yourself up for a world of hurt in the future op. You're being unreasonable and you need to learn to take responsibility for your "feelings". You're in for a rocky road with your daughter if you think your irrational feelings are more important than anything else.

[Anonymous]

You're way over thinking this, OP, and creating a problem where there isn't one. You say they are good and involved grandparents. That matters way more than one day out of the year when you built up a dream birthday party in your head.

They are moving, for crying out loud -- that is insanely stressful. They were absolutely right to schedule the move for Saturday so they would have Sunday to settle in before heading back to work on Monday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I may be off base but it's how I feel. Like I said - holidays and birthdays are important to me. Will my daughter remember - no and am I planning to remind her about her grandparents not coming, no. But we will not have another time together (both families) again. It's sad they made that choice.

You're not off-base to be upset. You are entitled to your feelings. Where you are off-base is making this a major issue when it's not. There will be many milestones in your child's life. Unfortunately not everyone can be there for every one of them. The first birthday is the most important to you, the mother, but not as important to anyone else. You feel disappointed because it was a big deal to you, and they did not rearrange their lives to make it to this. But it isn't a big deal except to anyone but you. I understand that you are hurt, but you have to let this go, accept that it was important to you, that your in-laws disappointed you, but that you are an adult and should be able to move on from this.

On another note, you say your in-laws chose to move on a Saturday. But I can tell you from experience, that movers often charge more for Sunday moves than Saturday moves. If they are downsizing due to poor finances in general (which you imply), then they may have made the financially prudent call to save some money on the move by not paying elevated Sunday rates. Additionally, a Saturday move gives you Sunday to settle in, figure out if anything is missing or broken, anything in the new place need maintenance or repair, and have a list ready on Monday to address issues quickly. Moving on Sunday means you often don't get to call companies/maintenance until Tuesday and sometimes have fewer options of when repairmen can come out to address your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - but it's her first and probably only birthday where our family will come together. Sure she won't remember it but she'll have photos of everyone celebrating her except her grandparents.

In a couple years, you'll look back and laugh at how ridiculous you were being.

[Anonymous]

What a Drama Llama.

[Anonymous]

I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I may be off base but it's how I feel. Like I said - holidays and birthdays are important to me. Will my daughter remember - no and am I planning to remind her about her grandparents not coming, no. But we will not have another time together (both families) again. It's sad they made that choice.

You're setting yourself up for a world of hurt in the future op. You're being unreasonable and you need to learn to take responsibility for your "feelings". You're in for a rocky road with your daughter if you think your irrational feelings are more important than anything else.

+1. And I'm about to blow your mind, OP: regardless what the self help books and daily affirmations say, not all feelings are valid. Just because you feel upset doesn't mean you have any right to feel upset.

[Anonymous]

Life does happen but in life you make choices and yes, a move is a priority but so is your family. 30 minutes to show your face at somewhere when you have "planned" your move for 6+ months yet waited until the last minute to actually do it seems ridiculous to me.

I've moved many times and if there was an option for me to move things around to attend a function for my family, I'd do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a first birthday party. It seems that no one gives a F because no one gives a F. Certainly the birthday girl doesn't.

LOL This.

OP, you suck so hard, I can't even begin to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life does happen but in life you make choices and yes, a move is a priority but so is your family. 30 minutes to show your face at somewhere when you have "planned" your move for 6+ months yet waited until the last minute to actually do it seems ridiculous to me.

I've moved many times and if there was an option for me to move things around to attend a function for my family, I'd do it.

Seriously, op, GET OVER IT.

You are being insanely petty. You are in charge of your feelings. You can choose to be upset about this, or you can choose to let it go. Right now you are choosing to be upset. That is not good for you, your daughter, your dh, or your in-laws. You're standing your ground like an upset child. You're being incredibly immature. You are a mother now. You need to grow up. Mature and responsible people would not find this upsetting. You will need to teach your daughter that she is not the center of the universe, and that her hurt feelings do not make her more important than anyone else. This attitude you have is a problem, and you need to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I may be off base but it's how I feel. Like I said - holidays and birthdays are important to me. Will my daughter remember - no and am I planning to remind her about her grandparents not coming, no. But we will not have another time together (both families) again. It's sad they made that choice.

It's sad to you, but absolutely no one else. You wanted them to inconvenience themselves to please you, period.

[Anonymous]

OP, you keep bemoaning how it will be a while before yuthe can get everyone together again. Does that mean everyone else can't be bothered visiting at other times?

Because I know, if it came down to "special occasion" grandparents and "real life" grandparents, I'd say the latter is the better bet at having a good relationship with your daughter. Even if it means you don't get the super duper special social media worthy "look how much everyone adores my DD" photo op.

You ILs planned a move at the end of the month. To some degree, they are bound by the availability and timing of the moving company and crew. The fact that you're taking this so persoanally is way over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're way over thinking this, OP, and creating a problem where there isn't one. You say they are good and involved grandparents. That matters way more than one day out of the year when you built up a dream birthday party in your head.

They are moving, for crying out loud -- that is insanely stressful. They were absolutely right to schedule the move for Saturday so they would have Sunday to settle in before heading back to work on Monday.

Yep op wanted them to drive 3 hour and stay for 30 minutes? It's just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life does happen but in life you make choices and yes, a move is a priority but so is your family. 30 minutes to show your face at somewhere when you have "planned" your move for 6+ months yet waited until the last minute to actually do it seems ridiculous to me.

I've moved many times and if there was an option for me to move things around to attend a function for my family, I'd do it.

You have an incredibly selfish and self-centered attitude, OP. You are making yourself out to be the center of the universe and getting upset at people who do not revolved about you and feed your selfishness.

Grow up. Accept that you were upset, but forgive and move on. If you can't do this, you're going to be a emotional mess by the time your child gets to grade school. Right now, your family is not, but you are going to make it dysfunctional if you cannot let go of this. There will be many unexpected turns in life as you raise your child. You and your husband are the only ones whose universe revolves around your child. Get used to that. Do the best you can and learn to adapt to the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're way over thinking this, OP, and creating a problem where there isn't one. You say they are good and involved grandparents. That matters way more than one day out of the year when you built up a dream birthday party in your head.

They are moving, for crying out loud -- that is insanely stressful. They were absolutely right to schedule the move for Saturday so they would have Sunday to settle in before heading back to work on Monday.

Yep op wanted them to drive 3 hour and stay for 30 minutes? It's just stupid.

To be fair to op, she said the party lasted for three hours, and she wanted them to come by for at least 30 minutes. The apparently live in the next town over, so presumably at least a 15 minute drive away, so a thirty minute stop-over would be at least an hour out of their day. Still ridiculous.