saying no to sharing, am I modeling it correctly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to say no to sharing sometimes for the reasons you mentioned. However, I think the general etiquette in a public space like the park is that you share your toys with the other kids. And also I think the park or playground are good places to practice and navigate social skills with peers, under your supervision.

So next time, bring more than one item, so that you can offer a consolation toy to the asker ("Sorry, we're using this one right now, but you could borrow this other one"). And try encouraging your son to use the toy together with the other child so that they can play together ("Do you want to show him how to use it so you can do it together?")

You can't be too nazi about your toys in a public space because, kids are kids and are still learning- they are not yet very good at taking turns, sharing, understanding ownership, and using manners when coveting another child's toy). If it's really something you don't want to share or want other children interrupting your play, I don't think you should be at the park, you should probably be in your own backyard.

Really? Until what age? Adults certainly don't share their stuff with strangers just because they are in a public place. Usually random strangers don't walk up to me and ask to drive my car for 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these other kids are too used to getting everything they want. It's good for them to be told no, politely.

+1, especially if they go crying to Mom because sharing (or handing the toy over) didn't happen.

Like I said earlier a kid can ask but the answer might be no. That's ok. A kid can be told "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to say no to sharing sometimes for the reasons you mentioned. However, I think the general etiquette in a public space like the park is that you share your toys with the other kids. And also I think the park or playground are good places to practice and navigate social skills with peers, under your supervision.

So next time, bring more than one item, so that you can offer a consolation toy to the asker ("Sorry, we're using this one right now, but you could borrow this other one"). And try encouraging your son to use the toy together with the other child so that they can play together ("Do you want to show him how to use it so you can do it together?")

You can't be too nazi about your toys in a public space because, kids are kids and are still learning- they are not yet very good at taking turns, sharing, understanding ownership, and using manners when coveting another child's toy). If it's really something you don't want to share or want other children interrupting your play, I don't think you should be at the park, you should probably be in your own backyard.

Really? Until what age? Adults certainly don't share their stuff with strangers just because they are in a public place. Usually random strangers don't walk up to me and ask to drive my car for 5 minutes.

If they do it's likely considered a crime. Not yours? You aren't entitled to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to say no to sharing sometimes for the reasons you mentioned. However, I think the general etiquette in a public space like the park is that you share your toys with the other kids. And also I think the park or playground are good places to practice and navigate social skills with peers, under your supervision.

So next time, bring more than one item, so that you can offer a consolation toy to the asker ("Sorry, we're using this one right now, but you could borrow this other one"). And try encouraging your son to use the toy together with the other child so that they can play together ("Do you want to show him how to use it so you can do it together?")

You can't be too nazi about your toys in a public space because, kids are kids and are still learning- they are not yet very good at taking turns, sharing, understanding ownership, and using manners when coveting another child's toy). If it's really something you don't want to share or want other children interrupting your play, I don't think you should be at the park, you should probably be in your own backyard.

Really? Until what age? Adults certainly don't share their stuff with strangers just because they are in a public place. Usually random strangers don't walk up to me and ask to drive my car for 5 minutes.

So funny that kids are forced to share everything with everyone while their parents wouldn't dream of it.

If they do it's likely considered a crime. Not yours? You aren't entitled to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to say no to sharing sometimes for the reasons you mentioned. However, I think the general etiquette in a public space like the park is that you share your toys with the other kids. And also I think the park or playground are good places to practice and navigate social skills with peers, under your supervision.

So next time, bring more than one item, so that you can offer a consolation toy to the asker ("Sorry, we're using this one right now, but you could borrow this other one"). And try encouraging your son to use the toy together with the other child so that they can play together ("Do you want to show him how to use it so you can do it together?")

You can't be too nazi about your toys in a public space because, kids are kids and are still learning- they are not yet very good at taking turns, sharing, understanding ownership, and using manners when coveting another child's toy). If it's really something you don't want to share or want other children interrupting your play, I don't think you should be at the park, you should probably be in your own backyard.

Really? Until what age? Adults certainly don't share their stuff with strangers just because they are in a public place. Usually random strangers don't walk up to me and ask to drive my car for 5 minutes.

So funny that kids are forced to share everything with everyone while their parents wouldn't dream of it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a kid with SNs, communication being one of them. Gosh, if kids are taking an interest in your DC b/c he has something cool, that's a great time to practice social interaction.

Don't say no b/c you're trying to right some perceived wrong in a completely unrelated context. Let your kid learn to answer for himself. If you truly have no interest in sharing don't bring stuff to the playground.

[Anonymous]

Do it in your own backyard if you don't want to share, unless it's something like a bike that you don't have to share. Or act like you are leaving in 5 minutes and can't really share.

[Anonymous]

I think it is ridiculous that kids are growing up thinking that it is ok to go up to a stranger ask ask to use thier stuff. I hate the " all kids are friends and should share mentality". If a stranger walked up and asked for a turn to use my car, I would not have to explain that I am using it right now.

But you do need to teach your child that sharing with friends is different and sharing group things is different.

[Anonymous]

Do you often equate a ball and a car?

[Anonymous]

Our rule is we don't bring a toy to the park if DS can't let another kid take a turn. Wei to the prk to play with other kids and the equipment, if he wants to play with a specific truck, he can do that at home. Playing soccer with your kid - you couldn't include anther did in that? Or let your DS show another child how to use the metal detector for a few minutes? I think you should model kindness and inclusion. You can say 'thank you for asking!' And explain its not okay for kids to come and take things from him, but they can ask and he can share.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh! My son is in K and just like this - special needs and all. Never sticks up for himself and always will give the toy away even if he had it first, picked it up only one second ago, or is a special toy. I encourage him to share and to stick up for himself. It is tough, but I think you are fine.

I say no for my kid sometimes too. If it is a special toy with lots of parts, then no, your friend cannot borrow it or take it home!

For what it is worth - I make him ask permission as well when he wants someone else's toy and parents have told him no. That is fine too. I support the other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is ridiculous that kids are growing up thinking that it is ok to go up to a stranger ask ask to use thier stuff. I hate the " all kids are friends and should share mentality". If a stranger walked up and asked for a turn to use my car, I would not have to explain that I am using it right now.

But you do need to teach your child that sharing with friends is different and sharing group things is different.

+1 to all this.

[Anonymous]

Don't think it's wrong to not share but I would encourage sharing a frisbee or ball to help if he needs to develop social skills as well as large motor. A metal detector is different (could be broken easily) and not if the other kid runs off with the toy.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the opinions are quite divided.

Op, do you ever include the other kids? I wouldn't hand over the bike (nobody expects that), but do you ever let other kids play catch or kick the ball WITH you/your kid? It's a good way to make friends, and I don't see how it would be detrimental to your goal of "practicing" his skills.

The metal detector: kids are going to be curious about that, that's to be expected. I don't think you need to share it, but you should take it only to places where there aren't a lot of other kids. You can find lots of good stuff at places that aren't parks.

[Anonymous]

What does op's kid want? I would defer to him.