Being cut off by a sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/562856.page

My bad, I don't think this is the same poster. It reads similarly though.

[Anonymous]

Haha here's the motherlode

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/552934.page

[Anonymous]

I feel like OP has defined a lot of herself as being "the older sister" and doesn't have much of an identity on her own, or outside of that role. The obsession (and criticism) with her younger sister is way beyond normal sisterly/sibling stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to what she says? I really don't know how people can cut off a blood relative. My sister doesn't seem to give me much thought. She always has an excuse for why she has to get off the phone or why she can't visit. Yet she has never told me if I've done anything wrong. I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't invest my emotional energy in people that don't care about me. I need to think of people as how they really are and not how I wish they were.

You are a bunny boiler, just with a family relationship. Seriously, your posts creep me out. I'd cut you off too. Take your medication and get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to what she says? I really don't know how people can cut off a blood relative. My sister doesn't seem to give me much thought. She always has an excuse for why she has to get off the phone or why she can't visit. Yet she has never told me if I've done anything wrong. I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't invest my emotional energy in people that don't care about me. I need to think of people as how they really are and not how I wish they were.

You are a bunny boiler, just with a family relationship. Seriously, your posts creep me out. I'd cut you off too. Take your medication and get over yourself.

What!!!??? NP here. This response seems way out of line. I think the PP has a good, healthy take on things. You, however, seem illiterate, mean, and untethered from reality. Whoa.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, maybe they can help you.
You believe that you never cut off family but she believes differently. And she's allowed to because she is a completely different person than you and you don't get to control her!
And her congrats text when you told her you were pregnant? That's not cold, that's civil and polite. And if that's all she wants to be towards you, that's her right. The way you post in here about her, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who blames her for feeling and acting as she does.
You messed up your relationship with your sister, it's like you couldn't help yourself. Hopefully your therapist will give you some much needed insight. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, maybe they can help you.
You believe that you never cut off family but she believes differently. And she's allowed to because she is a completely different person than you and you don't get to control her!
And her congrats text when you told her you were pregnant? That's not cold, that's civil and polite. And if that's all she wants to be towards you, that's her right. The way you post in here about her, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who blames her for feeling and acting as she does.
You messed up your relationship with your sister, it's like you couldn't help yourself. Hopefully your therapist will give you some much needed insight. Good luck.

I did NOT force her to do anything or control her in anyway. I expressed an opinion expecting her to value my thoughts and insight. As her only family member in the country I thought it only natural that she get a sense of how I feel when making a huge life altering decision. I did not lock her up or run over her cat or something horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, maybe they can help you.
You believe that you never cut off family but she believes differently. And she's allowed to because she is a completely different person than you and you don't get to control her!
And her congrats text when you told her you were pregnant? That's not cold, that's civil and polite. And if that's all she wants to be towards you, that's her right. The way you post in here about her, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who blames her for feeling and acting as she does.
You messed up your relationship with your sister, it's like you couldn't help yourself. Hopefully your therapist will give you some much needed insight. Good luck.

I did NOT force her to do anything or control her in anyway. I expressed an opinion expecting her to value my thoughts and insight. As her only family member in the country I thought it only natural that she get a sense of how I feel when making a huge life altering decision. I did not lock her up or run over her cat or something horrible.

You are trying to force her to maintain a relationship with you now when she clearly doesn't want to. That's controlling. But I'll leave that to your therapist to delve in to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, maybe they can help you.
You believe that you never cut off family but she believes differently. And she's allowed to because she is a completely different person than you and you don't get to control her!
And her congrats text when you told her you were pregnant? That's not cold, that's civil and polite. And if that's all she wants to be towards you, that's her right. The way you post in here about her, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who blames her for feeling and acting as she does.
You messed up your relationship with your sister, it's like you couldn't help yourself. Hopefully your therapist will give you some much needed insight. Good luck.

I did NOT force her to do anything or control her in anyway. I expressed an opinion expecting her to value my thoughts and insight. As her only family member in the country I thought it only natural that she get a sense of how I feel when making a huge life altering decision. I did not lock her up or run over her cat or something horrible.

You are trying to force her to maintain a relationship with you now when she clearly doesn't want to. That's controlling. But I'll leave that to your therapist to delve in to.

I have not tried to force a relationship with her. I have seen her probably 3 times over the past year so that she knows that my door is open. Each time she has expressed no interest in re-building our relationship.

I am not doing anything except dealing with this and coming to terms with it. Part of the reason why I posted here. To gather my thoughts and see what others thought.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem to have taken advantage of your sister being "family" - testing and pushing her with your constant unsolicited "opinion," thinking she will always come back. She grew tired of this pattern.

Let your sister go.

Your said yourself that your sister has no interest in re-building your relationship. If you continue to disrespect her decision, it's certainly not going to help. Leave her alone and let her go. I'm glad you're going to see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you insist on having a relationship your sister is not interested in? Enjoy relationships with people who care about you. Crying yourself to sleep? My goodness, DH may be right, and therapy may help.

Relationships of sisters are rarely easy or pleasant. It's just a fact of life.

Because she's my sister and you do not cut off family?

I am going to therapy tomorrow. I feel like I am losing my mind.

Says who? Family strife is more common than you think. Shared genetics is not enough to build a relationship.

If she was anyone other than my blood relative I would never have felt so hurt by what has happened. She even snubbed me and sent me a cold "congrats!" text when I told her I was pregnant.

I feel like I cannot let go because she is my sister and you do not do that to your family. You fight you makeup.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, maybe they can help you.
You believe that you never cut off family but she believes differently. And she's allowed to because she is a completely different person than you and you don't get to control her!
And her congrats text when you told her you were pregnant? That's not cold, that's civil and polite. And if that's all she wants to be towards you, that's her right. The way you post in here about her, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who blames her for feeling and acting as she does.
You messed up your relationship with your sister, it's like you couldn't help yourself. Hopefully your therapist will give you some much needed insight. Good luck.

I did NOT force her to do anything or control her in anyway. I expressed an opinion expecting her to value my thoughts and insight. As her only family member in the country I thought it only natural that she get a sense of how I feel when making a huge life altering decision. I did not lock her up or run over her cat or something horrible.

You are trying to force her to maintain a relationship with you now when she clearly doesn't want to. That's controlling. But I'll leave that to your therapist to delve in to.

I have not tried to force a relationship with her. I have seen her probably 3 times over the past year so that she knows that my door is open. Each time she has expressed no interest in re-building our relationship.

I am not doing anything except dealing with this and coming to terms with it. Part of the reason why I posted here. To gather my thoughts and see what others thought.

Op, you clearly love your sister and you are grieving your relationship with her. I actually think that's pretty normal in your situation. But there is not a thing you can do about it now. She has cut you off and she wants minimal contact with you - that is her right. You can not force someone to be a part of your life.

That said, it is understandable that you feel upset and blindsided by this. You may feel as though you have done nothing so bad to warrant such a harsh judgement from your sister. You may feel profoundly hurt that someone who was so important to you has such little regard for you. Again, understandable.

It's good that you are going to therapy. You can work through these feelings of rejection, grief, loss. But maybe you can also gain some insight as to why your sister may have made this choice. It could be that she is going through a difficult stage in her own life and simply does not have the energy to deal with anyone who might question the way she is handling things. She needs time to work on herself and do what is right for her w/o being questioned about it. And it sounds as though you might need some time like that yourself...

Keep the door open. And maybe one day you two will be back on the same page together.