How to politely deal with BF's ex-wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful BF with an extreme "golden uterus" ex-wife; Loudoun Co. type. I've never met the woman and I am not the first woman he dated since his divorce 5 years ago. However, I am the first woman he is dating seriously and apparently it is a problem for her. I stay out of the "parenting" issues and pretty much ignore any of her devious behavior towards me. If she oversteps her boundaries in regards to me, I let my BF deal with it. Any advice from DC ladies?

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You are engaged. The kid lives with you. And you "stay out of the parenting issues"? How is that physically possible?

I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm now on board with either a) troll or b) 17 year old.

It is physically possible as I am not a parent of this child/my future step-daughter/kid. The child has a mother and a father and it's the father's job to be a parent, since she lives with him. I can certainly provide advice and I do.....when solicited.

What is your relationship like w/the child? Do you do *any* parenting-type stuff, like making dinner, homework, getting ready for bed, getting ready for school in the AM? Or do you just hang out and play on your phone until she goes to bed and then you get alone time w/your bf?

[Anonymous]

OP is probably 24. I think the title of the book you want is "No one's the Bitch."

BTW, I'm a custodial mom. The vast majority of us don't give girlfriends, fiancées, subsequent wives, thots, Tinder swipes, or crushes of the week any thought beyond "Is my child safe around this person?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful BF with an extreme "golden uterus" ex-wife; Loudoun Co. type. I've never met the woman and I am not the first woman he dated since his divorce 5 years ago. However, I am the first woman he is dating seriously and apparently it is a problem for her. I stay out of the "parenting" issues and pretty much ignore any of her devious behavior towards me. If she oversteps her boundaries in regards to me, I let my BF deal with it. Any advice from DC ladies?

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You are engaged. The kid lives with you. And you "stay out of the parenting issues"? How is that physically possible?

I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm now on board with either a) troll or b) 17 year old.

It is physically possible as I am not a parent of this child/my future step-daughter/kid. The child has a mother and a father and it's the father's job to be a parent, since she lives with him. I can certainly provide advice and I do.....when solicited.

What is your relationship like w/the child? Do you do *any* parenting-type stuff, like making dinner, homework, getting ready for bed, getting ready for school in the AM? Or do you just hang out and play on your phone until she goes to bed and then you get alone time w/your bf?

I do make dinner most of the nights unless I am working late, which is rare. Lots of after school activities going on, so it's easier if I get the dinner going, while father drives to/from activities. I help with homework when asked and provide advice on friends, what to wear, world opinions, and such. Father works from home, so he usually makes b-fast for everyone to get us out of the door. We're talking about a teenager which makes own lunch and father puts to bed. But the issue is the ex really, we're good in terms of our interactions....father/child/me.

[Anonymous]

What the heck is a "golden uterus" and how does it relate to a mom without custody?

My only advice to you OP is just to always take the high road. Be polite and maintain appropriate boundaries. And continue to let your BF deal with her.

It's good you have a strong relationship with your BF's daughter. Never say an unkind word to her about her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

op, it's all "due" respect.
And you are helping the child with "world opinions"??? Oh dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck is a "golden uterus" and how does it relate to a mom without custody?

My only advice to you OP is just to always take the high road. Be polite and maintain appropriate boundaries. And continue to let your BF deal with her.

It's good you have a strong relationship with your BF's daughter. Never say an unkind word to her about her mother.

http://shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-your-wife-or-ex-wife-have-a-golden-uterus-complex-15-characteristics-of-the-golden-uterus/

This is a very good article in regards to "golden uterus"....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

op, it's all "due" respect.
And you are helping the child with "world opinions"??? Oh dear.

LMAO! You sound like an angry ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Are you guys engaged or not? I'm married but if I was divorced I may also have issues with exH's "girlfriend" sleeping over. It's not necessarily personal against you. It could be ANY girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably 24. I think the title of the book you want is "No one's the Bitch."

BTW, I'm a custodial mom. The vast majority of us don't give girlfriends, fiancées, subsequent wives, thots, Tinder swipes, or crushes of the week any thought beyond "Is my child safe around this person?"

For most stepmoms, especially those of us who are married to men with primary custody, it's the same. As long as the kids are safe, I could care less what she thinks, does, or says. It would be wonderful if we could all have a great relationship. It is possible - I get along great with my ex and his wife. I think she is a wonderful stepmother and my kids are very, very lucky to have her in their lives. My DH and my ex get along. We feel that kids can't have too many people to love and support them. However, my DH's ex-wife doesn't agree. She made it very clear from the beginning that she didn't want any relationship at all with me. That's her right. I let it go. I focus on my DH and our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

OP, I'm a stepmom. Usually sympathetic to crazy ex complaints. But these comments by the ex seem pretty normal and also totally her business since you are a stranger sleeping over at her daughter's house. How long have you been dating him? Why do you sleep over? Or do you live there? Why would you sleep over at a child's house when you are not married? If you have child with this man and he divorces you, are you gonna automatically be okay with the next woman who sleeps over at his house while your child is there?

[Anonymous]

I would be much more sympathetic to your question if you didn't use the term "golden uterus." What a shitty, anti-feminist phrase. If you want any sympathy or advice from other women, I'd advise you to purge that term and attitude from your vocabulary.

[Anonymous]

I think you have no empathy and don't know what devious means. Why would you complain that she ran off? Poor woman, if she doesn't want to meet you then she doesn't want to meet you, period. Why force her? I'm sensing terrible territoriality on your part and a need to have her accept you. The only way you'll be successful is my being your kindest, most generous self to her and her kids.

[Anonymous]

Read you next updates - it IS a matter of concern for every non-custodial parent when the custodial parent has a date over with kids in the house. I totally agree with the ex on that point and she deserves an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

OP, I'm a stepmom. Usually sympathetic to crazy ex complaints. But these comments by the ex seem pretty normal and also totally her business since you are a stranger sleeping over at her daughter's house. How long have you been dating him? Why do you sleep over? Or do you live there? Why would you sleep over at a child's house when you are not married? If you have child with this man and he divorces you, are you gonna automatically be okay with the next woman who sleeps over at his house while your child is there?

Another stepmom and ex-wife - I would NOT have been ok with a girlfriend sleeping over with my young kids in the house. My parenting agreement had a no-cohabitation clause. My DH's had the same. (Our kids are grown now) No members of the opposite sex were allowed to spend the night when the children were present unless they were family members. I would have been LIVID had my ex-husband had girlfriends spending the night when he had the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, OP, you sound a bit nuts to me, mostly for the pure fact that you keep referring to this man as your "BF" yet you say he's you're soon-to-be-husband? What is your relationship? If he has proposed and you are getting married, that makes him your fiance, not your "BF", and if he hasn't proposed, then I don't know how you consider him your soon-to-be-husband. I am usually on the side of people whose SO's are difficult, but in this case I almost don't blame the ex for being wary of you.