How to politely deal with BF's ex-wife?

[Anonymous]

What is the devious behavior and overstepping of boundaries that you let your BF deal with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see all txt messages and emails she sends to my future husband/BF in regards to me. The behavior is devious towards me and the woman is afraid to meet me. She literally ran off from her child's soccer game, when she found out I was there as well. I think it's kind of childish and just want to set healthy boundaries with the lady.

You are gross.

[Anonymous]

Girl, he ain't your "future husband" til he puts a ring on it. You aren't 17, stop acting like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see all txt messages and emails she sends to my future husband/BF in regards to me. The behavior is devious towards me and the woman is afraid to meet me. She literally ran off from her child's soccer game, when she found out I was there as well. I think it's kind of childish and just want to set healthy boundaries with the lady.

Ya, okay. Go play on Reddit.

They love to play pretend with trolls like you on r/relationships.

I am sorry, but your message is not providing any advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see all txt messages and emails she sends to my future husband/BF in regards to me. The behavior is devious towards me and the woman is afraid to meet me. She literally ran off from her child's soccer game, when she found out I was there as well. I think it's kind of childish and just want to set healthy boundaries with the lady.

Ya, okay. Go play on Reddit.

They love to play pretend with trolls like you on r/relationships.

I am sorry, but your message is not providing any advice.

It absolutely did. I advised you to stop playing or go try reddit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, he ain't your "future husband" til he puts a ring on it. You aren't 17, stop acting like it.

If OP isn't a troll I think she might be 17 or at least that is her emotional maturity level.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are real, you need to be the mature one. This is the mother of your future stepchild. You need to be able to co-parent with her. You need to reach out to her, woman to woman. If you are marrying this man, I would hope that you love his kids as much as you love him. And care about his kids and their welfare. You need to let her know this--she may not like the idea of you, and you may not like the idea of her, but its not about you. Its not about her. Its about a kid who didnt ask for their parents to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are real, you need to be the mature one. This is the mother of your future stepchild. You need to be able to co-parent with her. You need to reach out to her, woman to woman. If you are marrying this man, I would hope that you love his kids as much as you love him. And care about his kids and their welfare. You need to let her know this--she may not like the idea of you, and you may not like the idea of her, but its not about you. Its not about her. Its about a kid who didnt ask for their parents to get divorced.

I actually did propose this to my BF and his ex refused. I offered to meet her for a coffee or maybe for all three of us to meet somewhere on neutral ground. I thought it was rather strange that she refused. I mean she will have to do eventually, because the writing is on the wall. His child and I have a great relationship and I DO NOT talk badly about her mother. My BF and I keep our convo about the ex private and keep the kid out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

[Anonymous]

OP, do you love your husband enough that you are willing to put up with this woman and this behavior forever? She isn't going anywhere. The kid isn't going anywhere. Both will be a part of your life as long as you are married to him.

If you have your own kids, you will still have to treat your bio child and stepchild equally. ESPECIALLY if you have full custody of stepchild.

You do understand that this is your future stepchild, right? Not just your boyfriend's kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful BF with an extreme "golden uterus" ex-wife; Loudoun Co. type. I've never met the woman and I am not the first woman he dated since his divorce 5 years ago. However, I am the first woman he is dating seriously and apparently it is a problem for her. I stay out of the "parenting" issues and pretty much ignore any of her devious behavior towards me. If she oversteps her boundaries in regards to me, I let my BF deal with it. Any advice from DC ladies?

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You are engaged. The kid lives with you. And you "stay out of the parenting issues"? How is that physically possible?

I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm now on board with either a) troll or b) 17 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

You can't actually control someone else's behavior. If you don't like the comments, tell your boyfriend to stop telling you about them. There's no reason you actually need to know she's said it yet again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your boyfriend is dealing with everything, I don't understand what the problem is that you need advice on.

I am just trying to stop devious behavior and comments like: "you're setting a bad example for our child by letting your GF sleep over...." and "why are your GFs stuff is in the house". Hmmm.....the answer is always: "with all do respect this is his/our house and our relationship is none of your business."

You can't actually control someone else's behavior. If you don't like the comments, tell your boyfriend to stop telling you about them. There's no reason you actually need to know she's said it yet again.

Thanks for your advice. I just never dated a man with kids before and all of this is new to me. Our situation is unique I must say with father having full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful BF with an extreme "golden uterus" ex-wife; Loudoun Co. type. I've never met the woman and I am not the first woman he dated since his divorce 5 years ago. However, I am the first woman he is dating seriously and apparently it is a problem for her. I stay out of the "parenting" issues and pretty much ignore any of her devious behavior towards me. If she oversteps her boundaries in regards to me, I let my BF deal with it. Any advice from DC ladies?

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You are engaged. The kid lives with you. And you "stay out of the parenting issues"? How is that physically possible?

I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt, but I'm now on board with either a) troll or b) 17 year old.

It is physically possible as I am not a parent of this child/my future step-daughter/kid. The child has a mother and a father and it's the father's job to be a parent, since she lives with him. I can certainly provide advice and I do.....when solicited.