15 year old cousin ran away to my place amidst family drama... what NOW???

[Anonymous]

OP, you are doing great! I like the way you handled things on the phone with your aunt, and I think you did the right thing by calling the other aunt. I am glad you took the day off work tomorrow.
This situation calls for ice cream. If you don't have any, then tomorrow you need to make an emergency run to the store for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23 years old, no kids yet but a lurker on DCUM because my fiance and I intend to try to have kids soon after our wedding, which is also soon, and I want to know roughly what I'm in for.

DONT DO IT

[Anonymous]

OP here with another update.

The "good": Temporary stability. Cousin is staying with me at least through Monday with her mother's permission.

The bad: Everything else. My mom sent her sister, Aunt Cousin's Mom, an email last night. Not sure what it said. But she subsequently agreed to actually talk to her other sister, my aunt who's sort of local. Aunt Older Sister went over to talk to her this morning.

End result - cousin's mom said flat out that she doesn't want cousin coming home. At all. She'd rather not have a daughter than a gay daughter. She also Skyped her husband, cousin's father, and told him what's up/read him cousin's journal entries. He refuses to let cousin back in "his" house unless he first "knocks some sense into her like they used to have to for other bad behavior and she gives up this perversion". This conversation took place in front of our visiting aunt,  who thought it sounded like a threat to physically abuse my cousin.

So, unless things change substantially over the weekend, on Monday we're going to start figuring out legal options for an alternative guardianship/living situation for my cousin... likely with her parents' cooperation, as in they might voluntarily sign some sort of paperwork my mom knows about (she emailed details to Aunt Older Sister as something to consider) allowing someone else to have cousin live with them. Nobody is quite sure who would be best, but we have a few days to work on that.

The ugly: My cousin's parents both called her and left really ugly messages. With her permission I screened them, and told her I didn't think she wanted to hear them. She agreed but asked for the gist. I put it as gently as I could while still being honest. (I did NOT tell her her mother said she wished she hadn't worked so hard to save a pregnancy that just have her a [slur] for a daughter.)

No 15 year old should be saying "My mother never liked me and now she hates me. Dad's basically never around and is always angry anyway. They don't want me so why should I want to go home? I wish I could live with you or Aunt [my mother]."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idea: Call the emergency line at child,welfare services and ask them what to do.

+1. Sounds like child abuse to me, social services should get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She did not take the niece and she did not hide the niece, so no one would consider this a kidnapping.

But they could call it custodial interference

With a 15 year old who voluntarily left?

I would think that would make her a runaway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please immediately call your local police non-emergency number. Briefly outline the situation, and ask if you could be charged with kidnapping. Ask what your legal options are.

Step out to make this call so your niece can not possibly hear you.

This. If anything, it will put what is happening "on record". Do it immediately.

She is a teenager fighting with her mom.

Not a six year old.

Totally different things.

[Anonymous]

OP I know some parents react like that but how sad.

I'm glad you are there for your cousin.

[Anonymous]

OP, where are you? We can probably help find her and you some support groups.

http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm

[Anonymous]

Save the threatening emails and voicemails. They are evidence of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she could be legally emancipated from her parents.

If another family member would put her up for a few years, it's just a little while until she is legally an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you should cross post some questions here on the LGBT Relationship Forum, I'm sure people might have some experiences (unfortunately) that they could share and what helped them. And links to possible resources.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to say that I think you are doing an amazing job, handling it well and your cousin is very lucky to have you!

If you do have kids, you are going to be a great mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23 years old, no kids yet but a lurker on DCUM because my fiance and I intend to try to have kids soon after our wedding, which is also soon, and I want to know roughly what I'm in for.

DONT DO IT

Yeah. We both love kids, but this incident is giving me plenty of reasons to reconsider whether I'm ready to raise a child. I have spent most of the past day feeling totally in over my head and needing advice from (very kind and helpful!) strangers on a message board, while wanting to call my mother. Not the most promising signs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She did not take the niece and she did not hide the niece, so no one would consider this a kidnapping.

But they could call it custodial interference

With a 15 year old who voluntarily left?

I would think that would make her a runaway.

Luckily her mother has now given permission for her to be here over the weekend, and the extended family is going to look into legal options starting Monday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23 years old, no kids yet but a lurker on DCUM because my fiance and I intend to try to have kids soon after our wedding, which is also soon, and I want to know roughly what I'm in for.

DONT DO IT

Yeah. We both love kids, but this incident is giving me plenty of reasons to reconsider whether I'm ready to raise a child. I have spent most of the past day feeling totally in over my head and needing advice from (very kind and helpful!) strangers on a message board, while wanting to call my mother. Not the most promising signs.

Lots of 30+ parents are here doing the same!

It sounds like you're doing a great job. I'm so sorry your aunt and uncle are such terrible people. Your poor cousin. Wishing you the best, OP.