Dealing with a spouse who wants a $4,000 vacation that is not affordable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our HHI is $400k gross and our vacations this year will be a) week at Disney w in laws (they cover tix so our cost is about $3k) a week at the beach ($2k for the condo) and anniversary weekend to NYC (about $1k). You 10% and 20% people are crazy.

It is easy to keep the percentage small when your HHI is high and other people pay for the tickets.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to know what the 4K vacation is and what the cheap vacation is.

[Anonymous]

Fine. Disney Tix were another $1500 so actual budget was $7500. If we were two FCPS school teachers with hhi of $120k gross that would be 6%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vacation should be about 10% gross

Hahahahaha so we should spend $50K on a vacation? Are you deranged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacation should be about 10% gross

According to who?

The SAH who doesn't get that 10% "gross" actually comes from the NET which means the cost of the vacation is actually 10% gross + the withholding rate for that 10% so.... the vacation can cost way more than the 10% of the husbands income.

Think of it this way.... a friend of mine who owns a book store told me that he has to sell 4 dollars worth of stuff from his store to earn 1 dollar of gross profit (take-home is after he pays taxes etc...). He said that any time his wife or kids wanted something he would tell them to get in the store and sell the equivalent amount. in this case... get in the store and sell 16K work of books.

An another note.... who the heck actually thinks vacations should be 10% of gross income? that is insane! That is like saying amount spend on vacation should be equal to the base amount put into retirement. Vacations are a luxury not a necessity.

I don't think vacation is a luxury. In the end of the day, it is the best memories that you will ever have. Your body does need change from a routine .

[Anonymous]

Is the $2500 budget a "this is literally the max we can spend and even then probably shouldn't" amount or a "I have spent much other money lately and am choosing this area to arbitrarily save $1500" amount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Promise him butt sex if he chooses the cheaper trip

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vacation should be about 10% gross

That's absurd. So you're saying someone with a HHI $100,000 gross ($70,000ish net) should spend $10,000 on vacation? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacation should be about 10% gross

According to who?

The SAH who doesn't get that 10% "gross" actually comes from the NET which means the cost of the vacation is actually 10% gross + the withholding rate for that 10% so.... the vacation can cost way more than the 10% of the husbands income.

Think of it this way.... a friend of mine who owns a book store told me that he has to sell 4 dollars worth of stuff from his store to earn 1 dollar of gross profit (take-home is after he pays taxes etc...). He said that any time his wife or kids wanted something he would tell them to get in the store and sell the equivalent amount. in this case... get in the store and sell 16K work of books.

An another note.... who the heck actually thinks vacations should be 10% of gross income? that is insane! That is like saying amount spend on vacation should be equal to the base amount put into retirement. Vacations are a luxury not a necessity.

We spend about 20 percent of our gross income on vacations. Is that wrong?

Wrong? No. Stupid? Yes.

[Anonymous]

I am having this exact argument with DH. We have 8k in emergency savings/home repair savings (some of which is already earmarked for repairs we can't put off pst the fall) and he would like to spend half of it on vacation. I told him no and he asked his mom for the $$. But there was much whining and accusing me of being a killjoy.

[Anonymous]

Discuss the household budget. Is there a way to defer the home repairs for a few months until you can save the additional $1500? For example, if the repairs are replacing a fridge on its last legs, the answer is no. If the repairs are replacing a 20 year old roof, can that be deferred for the number of months it will take to save an additional $1500 (I have no idea if that is 2 months or 12 months based on what you can afford to save)? If you can defer any repairs until you can save an additional $1500, you might both be able to get what you want, but scheduling/paying for the vacation now and saving up the additional funds to do the home repairs later.

If not, then talk to your husband about how to generate an additional $1500 in order to have the vacation he wants. Whether that is selling something that you currently own, or getting a second job to make the extra money, point out that you are willing to spend the extra money if he can find a plan to generate the additional $1500 to cover the vacation he wants. The point is to go in with the idea of "we can't afford it, but let's figure out how we can afford it," rather than "we can't afford it, we can't go on this vacation."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Between fixing the house and some other things, we have maybe $2,500 available but spouse and child are pushing for a larger vacation. I am very uncomfortable paying anything with credit or dipping into the financial cushion. Any ideas on how to manage this without starting WWIII at home?

What about the benefit (enjoyment) side of the equation? Only a few posters have touched on this aspect.

I strongly suspect this is a simple matter of different preferences in relation to what "goods" you consume (vacations vs. cars or Bali vs. Disneyland, or economic security vs. consumption).

What type of compensation (not just money) and how much of it would you need to accept his vacation choice?

Ask him what type and amount of compensation he would require to forego the vacation, the raison d'etre of the "butt sex" proposal.

Negotiate. You both probably need more of something you're not getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Promise him butt sex if he chooses the cheaper trip

This.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am having this exact argument with DH. We have 8k in emergency savings/home repair savings (some of which is already earmarked for repairs we can't put off pst the fall) and he would like to spend half of it on vacation. I told him no and he asked his mom for the $$. But there was much whining and accusing me of being a killjoy.

Your husband asked his mom for vacation money??? What a loser. Some people have no damn pride.

[Anonymous]

See if there's anywhere to cut.

Cut back from one week to 4 or 5 nights.

Cut out restaurants until the trip.

Skip the mani-pedi and go longer between haircuts.

Cut back your grocery bills. No meat. Eat cheap.

No Starbucks.

No shopping at target, the mall, or online.

People piss away money on useless stuff...stop that, and see if you realize a savings in your checking account.