Stupid mommy! Mommy is stupid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I can control my behavior but not his" is effective tool for dealing with alcoholics, pushy in laws and asshole coworkers. Not a 6 year old you're raising to be a competent, hopefully helpful member of society.

+1 and I work with special needs children every day

[Anonymous]

OP, can I ask (gently) why you start out with "I know you are frustrated/angry/disappointed, but..."

This behavior has nothing to do with frustration, anger, disappointment and the like. This is him getting your goat. This is your child acting out because it's fun.

This is misbehavior. It gets punished. Take away a privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

Your excuses for why you "can't" discipline explain why your son is acting like this. You refuse to be the parent. Deal with it then.

Do you have an ADHD kid, PP?

Oh please! She literally can't even figure out how to exert her authority to get him out of the pool when he misbehaves, this is not all due to the ADHD and had a good deal to do with the fact she lets her son control her. Making him leave the pool is absolutely a valid consequence for calling your mom stupid at the pool. ADHD or not, that is a reasonable and logical punishment and she says she can't do it.

You didn't answer the question.

Do you yourself parent an ADHD child, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

Your excuses for why you "can't" discipline explain why your son is acting like this. You refuse to be the parent. Deal with it then.

Do you have an ADHD kid, PP?

Oh please! She literally can't even figure out how to exert her authority to get him out of the pool when he misbehaves, this is not all due to the ADHD and had a good deal to do with the fact she lets her son control her. Making him leave the pool is absolutely a valid consequence for calling your mom stupid at the pool. ADHD or not, that is a reasonable and logical punishment and she says she can't do it.

You didn't answer the question.

Do you yourself parent an ADHD child, PP?

I do not. My child has other special needs. The ADHD is not relevant to my advice anyway since it correlates with what she was told to use as punishment for ADHD anyway. It's valid advice. I somewhat doubt he even has ADHD since she inky through it out when she got advice she didn't like. If I have a parenting question that is informed by my child's special needs, I mention them up front. Op's kid is probably just poorly behaved and doesn't listen to her since she has no authority so she's decided he's ADHD.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with ADHD. She's also six. She calls me stupid, I haul her out of whatever situation she's in or she experiences some other logical consequence. She's not stupid - she knows what she's doing and that it's not acceptable. The adhd has nothing to do with that particular example of bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should say that he has ADHD and traditional punishments like taking things away aren't a good strategy. As for the pool situation, I'm not sure how you woul envision removing a 6 year old boy from a swimming pool in a way that is t violent or at least physically domineering and aggressive. I'm not going to physically drag him from the pool. I left. I can control my behavior not his. But I would like a positive discipline method to help get rid of what has become a habit.

Your excuses for why you "can't" discipline explain why your son is acting like this. You refuse to be the parent. Deal with it then.

Do you have an ADHD kid, PP?

Oh please! She literally can't even figure out how to exert her authority to get him out of the pool when he misbehaves, this is not all due to the ADHD and had a good deal to do with the fact she lets her son control her. Making him leave the pool is absolutely a valid consequence for calling your mom stupid at the pool. ADHD or not, that is a reasonable and logical punishment and she says she can't do it.

You didn't answer the question.

Do you yourself parent an ADHD child, PP?

I do not. My child has other special needs. The ADHD is not relevant to my advice anyway since it correlates with what she was told to use as punishment for ADHD anyway. It's valid advice. I somewhat doubt he even has ADHD since she inky through it out when she got advice she didn't like. If I have a parenting question that is informed by my child's special needs, I mention them up front. Op's kid is probably just poorly behaved and doesn't listen to her since she has no authority so she's decided he's ADHD.

A mind reader and a jerk, all in one ugly package!

[Anonymous]

Seven days of veggies; morning, noon, and night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with ADHD. She's also six. She calls me stupid, I haul her out of whatever situation she's in or she experiences some other logical consequence. She's not stupid - she knows what she's doing and that it's not acceptable. The adhd has nothing to do with that particular example of bad behavior.

What if you physically cannot pick up and remove your child? What if your child is too big or gets aggressive/fights back/doesn't cooperate, like in OP's case of leaving the pool? I am petite person and both of my elementary age children are way too heavy for me to carry anywhere. I have tried to take them to their room or have them leave a place when they misbehaved, and I have myself gotten hurt. So if you cannot pick them up and they won't come, what do you do (I ask in all seriousness, because I really have this issue)?

[Anonymous]

"I can control my behavior but not his" is effective tool for dealing with alcoholics, pushy in laws and asshole coworkers. Not a 6 year old you're raising to be a competent, hopefully helpful member of society."
+2.

[Anonymous]

ADHD is not an excuse to be a little jerk. He is not mentally challenged, he is not below average intelligence. DS knows what he is doing and knows he can get away with it. Get serious and start disciplining. "That's not nice" isn't discipline. He'll get the message when he doesn't have a favorite toy or can't go so something fun.

[Anonymous]

What would you do if he taunted another person that way? Ask them to ignore and move away from him? Hell no and neither should you! I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that he is rude and you won't stand for it. At the pool we'd be out the gate so fast his head would spin - at home he'd be marched off away from me since he can't be trusted to behave appropriately.

Why are so many parents so afraid to correct children with any degree of firmness?! You're job is not to coddle him; your job is to train him to be a civil human being!

[Anonymous]

OP, this sound slike a reason not to go to the pool. Next time you are at the pool tell your son to stop and it's hurtful. If he does not stop, don't drag him out of the water, just tell him it will be his last time at the pool for x number of weeks. And, then, don't take him back for x number of weeks.

[Anonymous]

My child had horrible behaviors through 1st grade. They increasingly got less explosive when he got older but he would sometimes say terrible things to us. Taking things away would have no effect. I read an article that really helped with a behavior management technique. I can't find the original but will keep looking and post if I do.

Basically you calmly go close but not too close and repeat the same command over and over to them to redirect, 15-18 seconds apart. Never yelling or raising your voice. A direct request with as few words as possible. It sometimes took a long time and took a lot of patience but always worked. Like if he was saying stupid mommy at the pool I'd go close and say "sit quietly on the bench now" over and over again. You can't stop until he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with ADHD. She's also six. She calls me stupid, I haul her out of whatever situation she's in or she experiences some other logical consequence. She's not stupid - she knows what she's doing and that it's not acceptable. The adhd has nothing to do with that particular example of bad behavior.

What if you physically cannot pick up and remove your child? What if your child is too big or gets aggressive/fights back/doesn't cooperate, like in OP's case of leaving the pool? I am petite person and both of my elementary age children are way too heavy for me to carry anywhere. I have tried to take them to their room or have them leave a place when they misbehaved, and I have myself gotten hurt. So if you cannot pick them up and they won't come, what do you do (I ask in all seriousness, because I really have this issue)?

I'm still waiting for the know-it-alls on this thread to address your very good question.

Signed, someone who has also been injured in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting this continue, OP?

I would threaten consequences so dire my kids would never dare to do this.

I'm the above poster and yes, I have a child with ADHD! I know other children with ADHD, and the ones who are reasonably behaved are the ones with TOUGH parents.

OP, stop reading hippy-dippy parenting books and parent the child you have. You need to get tough with your little guy before he grows stronger than you.
Believe me, I have witnessed horrible behavior from tweens with ADHD - and once they're that age and can run faster than you and weigh nearly as much as you... you're in trouble if you haven't figured out who's boss in the family.