If your kids have a 10 years plus gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be more concerned about the fact that they would have different dads. If your older child doesn't have a good relationship with his father or doesn't see his father often, it might be hard to witness the younger child having his father present full-time or growing up with happily married parents. I'm sure your fiance is a great, but a stepfather but it just isn't the same. Your older child is entering the early teen years, a very sensitive time when kids think a lot about their relationships with their parents. I'm not saying don't do it, it could be a great thing in the long run, but be prepared for some difficult feelings to come out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be more concerned about the fact that they would have different dads. If your older child doesn't have a good relationship with his father or doesn't see his father often, it might be hard to witness the younger child having his father present full-time or growing up with happily married parents. I'm sure your fiance is a great, but a stepfather but it just isn't the same. Your older child is entering the early teen years, a very sensitive time when kids think a lot about their relationships with their parents. I'm not saying don't do it, it could be a great thing in the long run, but be prepared for some difficult feelings to come out.

+1

+2

This happened to my college roommate. She felt like she wasn't a part of their new family. She was pregnant at 14, which was a year after the baby was born. Be very, very careful. Be very honest about your oldest child's personality, as well as their mental and emotional state.

Also as an anecdote, my cousin got married when her oldest son was 3-4. It was fine - he calls her 1st ex-husband Dad to this day and it is 20+ years later. She married again when he was a teenager and it was an epic disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not true. My sister married and left home when I was 8. My husband left home for college when his sister was 5. Not being in the same home for the formative years can really create a gulf between siblings.

DH left home for college when his younger sister was 5 and they are really close. They talk all the time and while she was sad that he wasn't at home as she was growing up they've always had a strong bond. I think it really is more a matter of family dynamics and personality than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably too old anyway.

I'll be 41 in November, you really think that's too old?

Depends on your fertility. I'm 41, and it would be too old for me. I have a 2 year old, and now I fear that I'll be dead before he's married.

[Anonymous]

My husband is 9.5 years older than his sister. I joke that they are sort of like two only children but they still have a loving relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably too old anyway.

I'll be 41 in November, you really think that's too old?

Depends on your fertility. I'm 41, and it would be too old for me. I have a 2 year old, and now I fear that I'll be dead before he's married.

That could happen no matter how old you are when you have kids.