If your kids have a 10 years plus gap

[Anonymous]

What do you find to me the pros and cons in having such a large gap. This is question is also for the parents on here that have a gap like this amongst their own siblings.

[Anonymous]

Each kid is getting a stint as "only child".

Both felt fresh and wondrous to me at every stage because I wasn't in a haze of two under three like so many of my friends.

[Anonymous]

Pros: We were definitly through the diaper stage etc.
We were more financially stable.

Cons: For me personally I had forgotten a lot. I had quite a bit less energy too.
Believe it or not, they still fought like crazy.
It was almost like having two single children at times, though.

Now that the oldest is mid-20's and the youngest is mid-teens they get along just fine. It just took quite a while.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I'm getting married in a few months and I have a 13 year old. My fiancé lately has brought up having kids as he doesn't have any. Originally we agreed on no kids, but now we're both getting baby fever. I'm in my early 40's so I'm worried I may be too old and my child will be mid teens and I will essentially be starting all over.

[Anonymous]

My DH was in your position once. We had a baby and it was fine--however, it took a while for his teens (boys, then just about 13 and 15) a while to warm up to the baby. He was really hurt at first about it. But once the baby was about 10 months old they really started bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was in your position once. We had a baby and it was fine--however, it took a while for his teens (boys, then just about 13 and 15) a while to warm up to the baby. He was really hurt at first about it. But once the baby was about 10 months old they really started bonding.

Did the boys live with you full time?

[Anonymous]

My sister is 12 years younger than me. I did have my kids late and she had hers early, so our kids are close-ish in age. My sister and I are so so close. I am so glad I have her and that my parents had her. We are facing the aging of our parents together.

[Anonymous]

There's a nine year age gap between #2 and #3. There are four altogether. So ithey're always referred to as "the big kids" and "the babies". Even though the big kids are technically adults and the babies have been out of diapers for years. Honestly, I found there to be no cons. I was a thousand times more comfortable and confident in handling things. I was so much more educated and decisive in how I wanted to raise the second set of kids.

[Anonymous]

My husband's sister is 13 years younger and my sister is 10 years older. Neither of us feel any connection with our siblings.

[Anonymous]

My oldest was a teen when his younger siblings were born. I think he'd always wanted siblings. I warned him a baby wouldn't be much fun at first, but that he'd worship his big brother as he got bigger. And as it turned out, he really was good with the little ones and helped babysit them. They did look up to him, and he loved that.

[Anonymous]

There's a 5 year difference between me and my middle sister, and a 10 year difference between me and my baby sister. I loved the age difference because I was able to be a lot more hands on with my baby sister in terms of helping my parents and I loved being able to baby sit as we got older. My sisters and I are all very close, and if you ask my sisters, they loved having the age differences we have because I was able to drive them around, take them out to do fun things, or just be the person for them to talk to when they didn't want to talk to my parents about things.

We all talk every day now, we are the best of friends, and have a lot in common - from our love of music and concerts to traveling to cooking. I see my middle sister every day, and my baby sister once a month because she lives in a different state, but we always text, email, and Skype.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the second of four brothers; the three oldest are very close in age and the youngest is 10 years younger than my husband. My husband is closest to his youngest brother -- they have similar interests and temperaments. In recent years, my husband has grown closer to his closest-in-age younger brother (#3 in the lineup) as they've been the two to take primary responsibility for helping their aging parents.

As far as my MIL and FIL's experience with the age gap, I get the sense that they really loved having a bonus baby. They were in a more settled place financially and emotionally and could enjoy his childhood in a way that they couldn't in the whirlwind of raising the three older boys while trying to get established financially and professionally. (My FIL had become a tenured prof by the time the youngest came along, so they no longer had that sword hanging over their heads.)

[Anonymous]

I have a 1 year old and a 13 year old. Besides having an extra set of hands around to help with the baby, because I have to spend so much time with the DD2 I now tend to let the little things go and don't hover as much with DD1. She has responded by becoming more independent and mature. Time alone with DD1 feels like "me" time compared to being with the toddler, and we really enjoy our time together now.

A big minus that I didn't anticipate is that it is very hard to find a family activity that everyone will enjoy. Vacations are spent chasing the toddler around and boring for the teenager. My very active toddler can't handle DD1's concerts and sporting events, so that means one of us always has to stay behind with the baby. And DD1 is too old to enjoy children's museums, gyms, and other places DD2 might enjoy.

Overall I think it is worth it. Our family live far away and I am glad DD1 has a close family member besides her parents. I also considered the burden it would be on an only child to deal with aging parents alone.

[Anonymous]

From a different perspective - I'm 13 and 14 years older than my half brothers. I grew up with otherwise difficult family dynamics, but my one piece of advice would be: don't treat the older child like a built in babysitter/ second parent. While I was happy to help with my brothers (admittedly, grudgingly at first), I became the constant go-to for the entire summer, after school pickups, and it became expected that if baby was crying "ever", I could handle it as easily as the parents. If you're going to have your older child babysit, at least offer babysitting money.

I had a lot of fun with my brothers, but we didn't have much of a real relationship until they became adults themselves.

[Anonymous]

I have a younger brother --12 years. We are very close and always have been. Only negative is please do not force babysitting--my prents did that to me and it caused resentment to them..not my brother as I got that it wasn't his fault.