If your kids have a 10 years plus gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's sister is 13 years younger and my sister is 10 years older. Neither of us feel any connection with our siblings.

This is a function of your personality, not the age gap.

[Anonymous]

Not true. My sister married and left home when I was 8. My husband left home for college when his sister was 5. Not being in the same home for the formative years can really create a gulf between siblings.

[Anonymous]

Nine years between myself and sister. We have never been close between extremely different childhoods/lifestyles (I got to do more because my parents were in a better financial position) and age (she had kids in her way 20s)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you find to me the pros and cons in having such a large gap. This is question is also for the parents on here that have a gap like this amongst their own siblings.

There is 8 1/2 years between me and my youngest brother. He was 9 when I went to college. We aren't close and probably never will be.

[Anonymous]

There can be lots of jealosy if parents have more money at this stage of life and spend more on the younger child. And, the older child can be more like the younger's parent than sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There can be lots of jealosy if parents have more money at this stage of life and spend more on the younger child. And, the older child can be more like the younger's parent than sibling.

I would consider this to be the main drawback. NP here.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the feedback!

[Anonymous]

Mine are 9 and 10 and 1. They worship her! So do their friends. So far, it is fantastic. I appreciate how quickly her babyhood will be over and I love how they love her.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what my parents would say? I am 10 years older than my brother (same parents-- I'm always having to say that). I think it had to have been tough on my parents having a toddler/preschool boy and a teenaged girl at the same time! From my perspective, I was SHOCKED when I heard the news and upset at the total upheaval of my life. I agree it was sometimes tough to find activities for my brother that didn't bore me... but then again, a lot of theme parks and such are still fun for teenagers. Also, BEING a teenager (or older preteen-- basically once I was 12), I could just stay home and hang out when they took him to toddler-appealing things. They never made me change a diaper, though I did very occasionally babysit, which was NBD, even though I didn't and still don't really enjoy hanging out with little kids. They often had to tell me that they were the parents, just because I was a typical bossy know-it-all and so much older.

I started dating my husband (8 years older) in my late teens, and with the 18-year difference between them, DH was more like a fun uncle to my brother (who in fact asked, when we became engaged, if DH was going to become his uncle-- LOL). So we had my brother over a lot as a preteen/teen, but more like that aunt/uncle dynamic. I am not sure I EVER thought it would be like this (mainly because we have a lot of differences in personality), but over the past few years, we have actually become quite close as adults (late 30s and late 20s). He is in grad school overseas for a year and I am counting the days until he gets back!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be more concerned about the fact that they would have different dads. If your older child doesn't have a good relationship with his father or doesn't see his father often, it might be hard to witness the younger child having his father present full-time or growing up with happily married parents. I'm sure your fiance is a great, but a stepfather but it just isn't the same. Your older child is entering the early teen years, a very sensitive time when kids think a lot about their relationships with their parents. I'm not saying don't do it, it could be a great thing in the long run, but be prepared for some difficult feelings to come out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be more concerned about the fact that they would have different dads. If your older child doesn't have a good relationship with his father or doesn't see his father often, it might be hard to witness the younger child having his father present full-time or growing up with happily married parents. I'm sure your fiance is a great, but a stepfather but it just isn't the same. Your older child is entering the early teen years, a very sensitive time when kids think a lot about their relationships with their parents. I'm not saying don't do it, it could be a great thing in the long run, but be prepared for some difficult feelings to come out.

While my child has a great relationship with her dad and stepfather, I'm very concerned about my kids having different fathers. That was part of the reason I didn't want anymore kids. I didn't want to be stereotyped as another single African American mom (even though I'll be married) with two kids with different dads. Now I don't really care as much as I know my situation.

[Anonymous]

You are probably too old anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are probably too old anyway.

I'll be 41 in November, you really think that's too old?

[Anonymous]

I have four boys... 18, 10, 3 and 2. The oldest is not really close with any of his siblings, but that's because he has always been a quiet, serious kid. He was nice to his younger brother growing up (8 year gap) and they never had any problems. The second one is VERY close with his younger brothers (~7.5 year gap), you'd almost think that those were his kids... he plays with them ALL the time, wants to help at bed time, reads them stories, and is very patient with them. The oldest one, however, doesn't pay hardly any attention to the toddlers (~16 year gap), with the exception that he'll occasionally sit in the room with them while they watch a movie if DH and I need to go somewhere. The toddlers think both their older brothers walk on water, obviously.

In my house at least, it seems to depend a lot more on the personality of the kid and less on the age gap.

[Anonymous]

My sister is 17 years older and my brother is 12 years older than my. We are all very close.