Did I Screw Up? Said Some Things To Her While Drunk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would let it go. If you want to take a 'next step' as a couple like being exclusive or changing your relationship status on fb, have that conversation with her.

Three months into my relationship with my now-husband, I got white girl wasted and gave him a whole speech about how great he was as a person, and how well we work as a couple, and that I kinda was falling in love with him right before I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and didn't remember it until he mentioned it.

Talking about feelings is hard---when we were dating and saying "I love you" was embarrassing I would say "Ewww gross I'm having feelings please be less cute" or something and he would laugh and make a silly face. Being able to laugh about things that make you uncomfortable is important.

Yea you're right. I know I should have a conversation with her and hopefully get a laugh or two out of it. Curious to know, when you got "white girl wasted" and said all of those things, did you mean it?

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like you drunk posted on DCUMs. The whole interaction and the way you described it just sounds very odd.

[Anonymous]

it sounds sweet overall and I think you are fine, OP. Please never say "white girl wasted" again though!

[Anonymous]

Are you still in middle school?
Is this simply a case of puppy love??!

Ahh...How adorable.

[Anonymous]

If I were her, I'd be concerned that you only wanted to be exclusive out of jealousy; that you didn't really want her for her -- you wanted her so other guys couldn't have her.

We've seen enough abusive relationships around here that apparently started because the woman thought the guy was sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would let it go. If you want to take a 'next step' as a couple like being exclusive or changing your relationship status on fb, have that conversation with her.

Three months into my relationship with my now-husband, I got white girl wasted and gave him a whole speech about how great he was as a person, and how well we work as a couple, and that I kinda was falling in love with him right before I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and didn't remember it until he mentioned it.

Talking about feelings is hard---when we were dating and saying "I love you" was embarrassing I would say "Ewww gross I'm having feelings please be less cute" or something and he would laugh and make a silly face. Being able to laugh about things that make you uncomfortable is important.

Yea you're right. I know I should have a conversation with her and hopefully get a laugh or two out of it. Curious to know, when you got "white girl wasted" and said all of those things, did you mean it?

I did.

[Anonymous]

RedheadinVA wrote:I have a feeling somewhere on Favebook this girl is going over and over this conversation the same way we are.

So Op, my input. First, I would not necessarily believe anything my drunk boyfriend says. Yeah, sometimes people mean it, but sometimes people are in love because they're drunk, you know?

And the next day when you made a joke and she asked if you remembered, that was the perfect opening to say "Yeah I remember and I meant it."

You're waiting for her to give you a signal that she wants to be exclusive with you. So far it's kind of mixed. So, if you really like this girl you're going to have to just put it out there and see what happens. Be brave. Obviously her other guys aren't so that will you one up on them.

Also, you did have all these feelings *before* you saw another guy was calling her, right?

Yeah I did. As I was telling another PP, we had just spent 3 days together, were talking about a trip that we were going to take together, and asked for her and her girlfriends to come swing by my job just so I could see her, moved around my plans the next day just so I could see her. It's clear that I was pretty interested in her before I got drunk. At least to me it seemed clear.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused, are you exclusive and this is your girlfriend? Because if you have been dating but not explicitly exclusive if I were her I wouldn't nessarily bring up the drunk talking. I'm not going to try to desperately hang on to drunk words that you may want to date exclusively. If you can't have the conversation sober and without the threat of some other guy possibly texting me, what is there to discuss? She may have sort of laughed it off because if bringing it up drunk and joking/half joking was a way for you to not put your feelings on the line but at the same time try to get her to do so, I wouldN't want to play that game and tried to deflect.

As for whether you are really her number 1 or not, here is the deal. She could be texted some other guy and you could still be her number 1 but she has no commitment to you so she may not be closing the door on at least talking to other guys. If you man up and have the exclusive conversation while sober, if she isn't ready to commit, she will let you know. It may hurt, but better you know now if she isn't that into you. If she brings up the drunken rankings at that point, just own it that you were thinking exclusivity for awhile and just wished yiu had mentioned it sober.

[Anonymous]

Was it a nervous laugh or a genuine laugh. Makes all the difference in whether she was uncomfortable or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it a nervous laugh or a genuine laugh. Makes all the difference in whether she was uncomfortable or not.

I don't know. She had previously said I was #55 (clearly a joke).

I told her she was my number 1 and only one that I'm seeing. In my drunken state I turned to her and said, "Am I really 55? I'm not number one" and that's when she turned away from me and I asked her to be serious and look at me and that's when she laughed and said "you're my number one". I can't really remember if she rolled her eyes or not. Either way after that is when I said I thought she was lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused, are you exclusive and this is your girlfriend? Because if you have been dating but not explicitly exclusive if I were her I wouldn't nessarily bring up the drunk talking. I'm not going to try to desperately hang on to drunk words that you may want to date exclusively. If you can't have the conversation sober and without the threat of some other guy possibly texting me, what is there to discuss? She may have sort of laughed it off because if bringing it up drunk and joking/half joking was a way for you to not put your feelings on the line but at the same time try to get her to do so, I wouldN't want to play that game and tried to deflect.

As for whether you are really her number 1 or not, here is the deal. She could be texted some other guy and you could still be her number 1 but she has no commitment to you so she may not be closing the door on at least talking to other guys. If you man up and have the exclusive conversation while sober, if she isn't ready to commit, she will let you know. It may hurt, but better you know now if she isn't that into you. If she brings up the drunken rankings at that point, just own it that you were thinking exclusivity for awhile and just wished yiu had mentioned it sober.

No she isn't my girlfriend. I wasn't expecting her to hang on to my words of wanting to be exclusive but I was expecting her to bring up the elephant in the room since I was the drunk idiot who spilled all his feelings the night before lol. Maybe a "so what was that last night?". I don't know just something, but nope not a peep from her.

[Anonymous]

But she did bring it up! Well okay, technically you brought up the conversation with your joke. Then she asks if you remember. That was your moment! She's not going to say "Oh good, so we're exclusive now" based on your drunken ramblings. And she's not going to make the first move and say "I'm so glad you drunkenly begged me not to see other guys because I really want exclusivity with you."

Dude, reread the man up poster above. You have to bring it up yourself like a man. If you don't your relationship is going nowhere. And she's always going to think of you as a guy who can only talk about his feelings when he's drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No she isn't my girlfriend. I wasn't expecting her to hang on to my words of wanting to be exclusive but I was expecting her to bring up the elephant in the room since I was the drunk idiot who spilled all his feelings the night before lol. Maybe a "so what was that last night?". I don't know just something, but nope not a peep from her.

PP here. The subject line is "did I screw up" but you seem to be more concerned that she hasn't followed up on your drunk ramblings. If you did something crazy that was a clear red flag while drunk, then I would hope she would mention it. If she was fairly confident of your feelings and felt comfortable enough to tease you about it, I could see her mentioning it. I'm afraid you are awkward land of neither being sure of the other person's feelings and you are hoping she will blink first and bring up the other night. I still stand by the fact she could be interested and not going to blink first.

From her standpoint here are the options
-If she doesn't want feel the same way, it would be cruel to say "so what was that last night" just to say she has no interest in dating exclusively
-If she does feel the same way, you would know she does if she brings it up (see above point) so then at that point you could feign ignorance/say you were drunk, or you could say yes, you really meant it but it wasn't how you wanted to say it etc. But she doesn't know which way it will go so she is the one putting it out there by bringing it up. Also, if a person can only tell me while drunk that he is interested, I honestly don't think that counts if you can't bring it up sober.

[Anonymous]

OP - what you said while drunk is showing the insecurities you have with this girl.

You need to relax and step back. Don't stress about what happened - it's done and water under the bridge. What matters is how you handle this moving forward. And if you're a confident guy, you will either acknowledge it and admit your attraction or hang back a bit and let her come to you (depending on your courting style).

Obsessing about this is very very unattractive and women can sense when a guy is insecure.