My husband and my teen son what to do?

[Anonymous]

A dad here. I gave up golf when our first child was born. I haven't touched a club since, other than trying to get a ball in the clown's nose.

The dad travels for work and then wants to golf on weekends? Total absent and douchey move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone think it is fun to watch someone else play golf?

The husband just watched the kid play lacrosse or whatever. What is the difference?
People do watch golf.

Because life isn't equal when you have kids. If the point of the weekend was bonding, then in between games you bond. You do together go off with teen mates and their families.

And wtf? Dead actually cared about his score so much he couldn't let his kid have a bit of activity?

My take is that this dad doesn't understand that you don't fit kids around the margins of your life. You make them central. That is called parenting. My son and husband go to some sports stuff together (club sport, adults). Sometimes there are funteam activities after games that my kid can't join because of age. Do you think my husband leaves him back at the hotel room like a lost puppy? No. They do something else, together. Again, parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He called me to talk about it

You and your son should not be discussing the father behind his back. It is divisive. Do not use the excuse of the two of you trying to "figurie-it-out". Unless your husband is abusive and it doesn't sound like so, they need to work through this transition themselves. This is probably about seeing your son as a man and less of a boy.

I disagree with this. When my child's having an issue with her dad, she will sometimes come talk it over with me. I can then give my husband a heads up that she'll be discussing it with him, and pass along anything important. He does the same thing when she's having an issue with me. I would only be concerned if the child only ever confided in one parent, and didn't make use of the conversation with the preferred-parent to go back and address the issue with the parent they're having a conflict with.

They're kids. They're learning how to deal with people. Just like they might talk through an issue about how to deal with a friend, teacher, or coach, they might need to talk through how to deal with something with their other parent. We've also told our daughter she can call her grandparents or family friends if she thinks both of her parents have lost their marbles and she's looking for more input. A call the grandma to rat out how terrible her mom is being can often be the necessary thing to defuse a frustrated and emotionally intense teen.

But I agree if it's secret or furtive and the child and family aren't growing better at communication then it can become dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

OP, what about the "it takes a village" approach?

Does he have any uncles he can bond with? Or an adult friend of yours who can take a mentor/god-fatherly role in your son's life?

Though of course I guess psychologically another father figure can't totally make up for damage done by his dad, but it can still have a good influence.

[Anonymous]

I had a father like this growing up. Cut him off permanently when I got married at 25 and realized that I didn't have to put up with the BS just because my mom did.

[Anonymous]

I have a father like this, too. All the way down to the golf. He never even feigned interest in my interests - never came to any of my recitals. I have ZERO affection for him whatsoever. It is like he is just some random person. When you have kids, it is up to the parent to nurture the relationship.

I'm with the dad on this one - he travels the whole fucking week and then comes home to play golf. Really? That is so shitty and selfish.

I would ask your DH to look into the future 20 years. What does he see his relationship with his kids being like?

[Anonymous]

I would get myself and my husband into family counseling ASAP before i let this situation harm my son any further than it already has.

I agree. Your husband is a dick.

[Anonymous]

He golfs while at your son's sports tournament. What an ass? I would hate him if he were my dad.

[Anonymous]

Golf needs to turn into putt putt

Young kids in my hood ride around in golf cats. Some are 7.

You baby your kid.

Your kid irritates his father.

Father is being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a father like this, too. All the way down to the golf. He never even feigned interest in my interests - never came to any of my recitals. I have ZERO affection for him whatsoever. It is like he is just some random person. When you have kids, it is up to the parent to nurture the relationship.

I'm with the dad on this one - he travels the whole fucking week and then comes home to play golf. Really? That is so shitty and selfish.

I would ask your DH to look into the future 20 years. What does he see his relationship with his kids being like?

You're with the dad on this one? Confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men who golf (particularly married men with kids who should be spending time with their families) are d-bags for investing so much time in a stupid game.

+1. The rule to never date someone who plays golf, video games, or poker has served me well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A dad here. I gave up golf when our first child was born. I haven't touched a club since, other than trying to get a ball in the clown's nose.

The dad travels for work and then wants to golf on weekends? Total absent and douchey move.

You're awesome.

[Anonymous]

Thx some food for thought and good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a father like this growing up. Cut him off permanently when I got married at 25 and realized that I didn't have to put up with the BS just because my mom did.

+1

OP - play this song for you DH, maybe he'll get a clue

[Anonymous]

This song always makes me cry