My brother is obese and I want to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:liberals always want to help when it's none of their business.

Get a hobby.

You know nothing about the fat acceptence movement but thanks for the D minus trolling

[Anonymous]

Say nothing. It's his body, his life.

My brother and SIL tried to "help" me and it was just insulting. The only thing that helped was medical intervention and an extremely strict eating plan that I have to follow for the rest of my life. When I go off it, the weight comes back on. Not so simple as exercise more and cut back calories.

This was years ago, but I still resent it when they mention my weight even in positive terms. I am not on earth to make them look good.

[Anonymous]

Is there a physical activity that you could both enjoy doing? Hiking? Biking? Maybe invite him to do these things with you but hide the fact that it's for him to exercise.

He's fat, not stupid. He's going to see right through these fake invitations and start avoiding you. The best thing you can do is to love and accept him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

Curious what you "leave him alone" advocates would think if we were talking about drug or alcohol addiction. Would you still say it's none of her business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Is there a physical activity that you could both enjoy doing? Hiking? Biking? Maybe invite him to do these things with you but hide the fact that it's for him to exercise.

He's fat, not stupid. He's going to see right through these fake invitations and start avoiding you. The best thing you can do is to love and accept him for who he is.

Absolutely, but when his behavior is incredibly disordered and unhealthy, should you really absolve yourself of any responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is there a physical activity that you could both enjoy doing? Hiking? Biking? Maybe invite him to do these things with you but hide the fact that it's for him to exercise.

He's fat, not stupid. He's going to see right through these fake invitations and start avoiding you. The best thing you can do is to love and accept him for who he is.

Absolutely, but when his behavior is incredibly disordered and unhealthy, should you really absolve yourself of any responsibility?

Would you say the same thing if he were anorexic?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, but when his behavior is incredibly disordered and unhealthy, should you really absolve yourself of any responsibility?

YES. You are not responsible for his eating or exercise habits. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Would you say the same thing if he were anorexic?

Red herring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious what you "leave him alone" advocates would think if we were talking about drug or alcohol addiction. Would you still say it's none of her business?

Yes. Would only be their business if the brother was living with them. If the brother asks for help, then help him.

I have a friend who is heavily into tattooing . I think it has completely messed up her appearance and hurt her job prospects, but it is her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My sister is not terribly well read and she's not up on current events and I feel like she would be so much happier and more marketable in this area if she would devote two hours every day to the news. I'm thinking of coming over to her house every day and reading the newspaper to her for two hours but I'm afraid she might be offended. What do you think?"

"My brother's wife doesn't spend enough time doing housework and it's a HEALTH HAZARD. I'm afraid they're shortening their lives by not washing the dishes thoroughly and i really resent the fact that my tax dollars are probably paying for antibiotics and things that are all caused by their poor habits. I'm thinking of taking up a collection at work to send her away to a two week dishwashing camp but I"m afraid she'll take it the wrong way. What do you think?"

"My husband's neighbor's friend drives a car that's a gas guzzler. I feel so bad for him. And it's so bad for the environment. His car impacts all of us! I've taken to dropping subtle hints, and dropping off magazines about the environment. Whenever I"m going for a bike ride I call him up and ask him if he wants to go, but he doesn't seem committed to getting a new car. What else can I do?"

Yep. +100

My SIL does this crap. The same SIL who gives me helpful weight loss publications while serving dessert at every meal we have with them. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious what you "leave him alone" advocates would think if we were talking about drug or alcohol addiction. Would you still say it's none of her business?

Hi - formerly obese person here.

I think similarly of a drug or alcohol addict. They know they have problems. Do you think they're stupid and unaware? A drug or alcohol addict will only change because THEY want to - not because someone tells them "hey, do you really think snorting coke is good for you?"

But also, food is different. You can live without alcohol and drugs. You cannot live without food. Food will always be a part of your life, and you will always need to have it.

Also, food doesn't alter your personality and choices like drugs and alcohol can do. I mean sure, we all get happy with some cake (you know what I mean), but it's not going to impair your judgment or cause dangerous decision making.

I lost weight, I did it completely on my own without telling a soul. The weightloss was MINE - that's the only way to successfully lose weight. Not because your busybody self tells them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is there a physical activity that you could both enjoy doing? Hiking? Biking? Maybe invite him to do these things with you but hide the fact that it's for him to exercise.

He's fat, not stupid. He's going to see right through these fake invitations and start avoiding you. The best thing you can do is to love and accept him for who he is.

Absolutely, but when his behavior is incredibly disordered and unhealthy, should you really absolve yourself of any responsibility?

Uhghh... this statement just reeks of arrogance.

Please, busybodies of the world, learn to mind your own business. Your "help" not helpful.

[Anonymous]

My sister is morbidly obese. She has always been heavy, but once she got out of high school she became obese and has never really made any effort to lose the weight. She is one of those obese people that DOES NOT get the health issues related to early onset obesity, so she is NOT pre diabetic, does NOT have high cholesterol, does NOT have high blood pressure, etc. She has PCOS which the doctors told her meant she could only get pregnant via fertility treatments, but she has been able to easily get pregnant twice. Basically, all the statistics about what happens to you if you become obese are NOT happening to her. She works in the medical field in a hospital for the last 15 years, so she's around sick people and knows what can happen if you are in poor health and she is on her feet all day.

This has resulted in her thinking that she is somewhat immune to obsesity related issues. She seems very happy with her life, she has a fantastic husband and two great kids, a nice house, good job, etc. But it's like the rest of the family is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Over decades I have tried approaching the subject with her, about exercise, cleaner eating, portion control, reducing sugar, etc., in a very non confrontational way. If I lived closer to her, maybe we could do exercise classes together or cook more together, but she lives out of state. I've recommended as interesting reads or movies things on good nutrition (like the Weight of the Nation, that Sugar Film, etc.) when she has asked me about them. But she isn't going to change for me. It looks like she won't change for her kids. Something inside of her just must ignite and she has to want it. I hate that she is over 300 pounds, that she can never find any clothes to buy, that people stare at her when we go places, that she can't keep up with her toddlers, that she eats such large portions and drinks too many sugary drinks, but there is nothing I can say or do that will make her change. Same for OPs brother. Best thing is to be supportive and offer help if asked, otherwise it's their life. I honestly feel it is going to take my sister having a major health scare to change her attitude about her weight. But I keep that opinion to myself. She's a great person regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically, all the statistics about what happens to you if you become obese are NOT happening to her. She works in the medical field in a hospital for the last 15 years, so she's around sick people and knows what can happen if you are in poor health and she is on her feet all day.

I honestly feel it is going to take my sister having a major health scare to change her attitude about her weight.

If she never develops any of the health problems associated with obesity, are you going to look back and wish you'd spent less time obsessing over someone else's business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically, all the statistics about what happens to you if you become obese are NOT happening to her. She works in the medical field in a hospital for the last 15 years, so she's around sick people and knows what can happen if you are in poor health and she is on her feet all day.

I honestly feel it is going to take my sister having a major health scare to change her attitude about her weight.

If she never develops any of the health problems associated with obesity, are you going to look back and wish you'd spent less time obsessing over someone else's business?

I agree that being a busybody and obsessing over someone else's business (like weight) is wrong and will not accomplish anything.

That said, everyone who is obese will eventually develop related health problems. Maybe not Type 2 diabetes, but at the very least issues with joints, bones, ligaments, etc. The human body was not designed to carry that much excess weight on it, especially long term, and the the human frame will experience physical stress on it.

But yes, bothering someone about their weight will not do jack shit. It has to come from within.