Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter? Honestly, you are doing no more than engaging in gossip like a 15-year old girl. Tell your stepmother you don't care what the history may or may not be and that it isn't up for discussion. You are sorry if things got out of hand and it won't happen again because the issue will not be discussed again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both need to apologize and move on. Both acted crazy.

I appreciate your feedback and am really trying to understand so I can do the right thing. Please help me with how I acted crazy. I am sincerely interested in understanding your perspective.

You basically called your step mom a liar. They are privy to info that they most likely don't feel comfortable discussing with their kids. My guess is that both of your parents were cheating. Don't out your mom on a pedestal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus are you a child? "Your" summer home?

And talking about your parents marriage?

And "I believe my mom" BS - don't you know by know, that no one is perfect in a marriage?

I feel sorry for your parents and stepparents. You need to grow up - and fast

No, OP is a human being. She should not have taken the bait, but it sounds like it would take a superhuman person to deal with the bullshit of stepmom.

You, on the other hand, don't qualify as a human being; you are an ass.

Please, my father cheated on my mother - but I'm an adult. I don't get involved in my parents marriage and gossip about it.

This isn't TV, you can't get in between another persons marriage and expect in 1 hour for everything to work itself out. This is real life - it's ugly and messy and sometimes things don't work out. Adults get that, children don't.

[Anonymous]

For me, the fact that they escalated this fight and kicked you out in front of your children would seal the deal for me. That's inexcusable.

I'd go radio silent on them for a long while.

[Anonymous]

What a horrible woman. She shouldn't have mentioned anything like that to you, tells volumes about her personality. Your dad is a bigger idiot to come to your house and do all that. He should have left it alone.

I wouldn't have anything to do with the step mother, and if you continue a relationship with your dad I would do it separately. At this point who cares what happened. I probably wouldn't mention it to your mom. If she does find out, then I would ask her the circumstances of the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, the fact that they escalated this fight and kicked you out in front of your children would seal the deal for me. That's inexcusable.

I'd go radio silent on them for a long while.

This. Your dad went are shit on you over this? Sorry, I'd be done with both of them.

[Anonymous]

God, this is obviously when Cheaters Get Dementia. I would dial back the contact. Waaaay back.

[Anonymous]

Hate how all the advice is "shouldn't have talked about it." Bunch of anal retentive WASPs dishing out advice on how nothing in the family should be talked about? How about instead of having certain subjects be off limits, instead the rule should be All adults should act like adults, and not throw fits. It's about a 30 year divorce. There should be no tantrums. If Op is telling the whole truth, then Stepmom is crazy pants. No reasoning or apologizing to crazy pant people unless you need to continue brown nosing for an inheritance or access to the vacay home. If it is the latter then you need to ask yourself is it worth it? As far as divorce goes who cares - OP didn't seem affected. It's Stepmom and Dad who went off the deep end. Issues much? Why did they care so much what Op thinks on this issue? OP sometimes you're just stuck with relatives that stink; consider whether it is worth your time pursuing a relationship (and forcing yourself to apologize when you aren't at fault) with nuts like them. I wouldn't but many would.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't the place or time to have that discussion. Yes why did they go all ape shit? That's make them more guilty imo. Honestly their behavior shows their character, not much more you can do. As you said you always believed you mom based on her behavior in life, I'd stick with that.

[Anonymous]

OP if you want them back, you are going to have to grovel/apologize/mea culpa. They were right, you were wrong, etc. etc.

Personally they don't sound worth it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hate how all the advice is "shouldn't have talked about it." Bunch of anal retentive WASPs dishing out advice on how nothing in the family should be talked about? How about instead of having certain subjects be off limits, instead the rule should be All adults should act like adults, and not throw fits. It's about a 30 year divorce. There should be no tantrums. If Op is telling the whole truth, then Stepmom is crazy pants. No reasoning or apologizing to crazy pant people unless you need to continue brown nosing for an inheritance or access to the vacay home. If it is the latter then you need to ask yourself is it worth it? As far as divorce goes who cares - OP didn't seem affected. It's Stepmom and Dad who went off the deep end. Issues much? Why did they care so much what Op thinks on this issue? OP sometimes you're just stuck with relatives that stink; consider whether it is worth your time pursuing a relationship (and forcing yourself to apologize when you aren't at fault) with nuts like them. I wouldn't but many would.

It was THIRTY years ago. The truth is probably between both parties in the divorce. People are saying not to discuss it because at this point, IT ISN'T WORTH IT. What did anyone gain from the conversation? I'll wait.

And don't give me any bullshit like OP gained knowledge of her dad and stepmom's true colors. What was positive about this?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to agree with your stepmother that it is the business of neither of you. It's ancient history and between your mom and your dad. Review that this should be a topic never again to be discussed. Apologize for discussing it. If they get into specifics around who did what again just keep repeating I don't want to discuss it I'm sorry it was discussed.

But I have to say I'm a little annoyed that the stepmother booted you out of your dads home. I wouldn't have left, myself I would've kept the conversation going and trying to de-escalate it by acknowledging none of it was my business and none of it was the stepmother's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate how all the advice is "shouldn't have talked about it." Bunch of anal retentive WASPs dishing out advice on how nothing in the family should be talked about? How about instead of having certain subjects be off limits, instead the rule should be All adults should act like adults, and not throw fits. It's about a 30 year divorce. There should be no tantrums. If Op is telling the whole truth, then Stepmom is crazy pants. No reasoning or apologizing to crazy pant people unless you need to continue brown nosing for an inheritance or access to the vacay home. If it is the latter then you need to ask yourself is it worth it? As far as divorce goes who cares - OP didn't seem affected. It's Stepmom and Dad who went off the deep end. Issues much? Why did they care so much what Op thinks on this issue? OP sometimes you're just stuck with relatives that stink; consider whether it is worth your time pursuing a relationship (and forcing yourself to apologize when you aren't at fault) with nuts like them. I wouldn't but many would.

It was THIRTY years ago. The truth is probably between both parties in the divorce. People are saying not to discuss it because at this point, IT ISN'T WORTH IT. What did anyone gain from the conversation? I'll wait.

And don't give me any bullshit like OP gained knowledge of her dad and stepmom's true colors. What was positive about this?

Who says someone has to gain something? Do you require all your conversations produce a net positive return on your life? Cut the sunshine bullshit. People have conversations about stupid shit all the time. So they talked about the divorce - so what? Adults have these conversations. OP went home having contributed her opinion only to have wacko SM and Dad go nuclear. Even if OP was factually incorrect, SM and dad are still showing their crazy colors. People are blaming The conversation having happened in the first place and not where it belongs - with the people immature and insane enough to lose their shit over something that happened thirty years ago. Her relatives are nuts. She should limit contact with crazy people. There it is.

[Anonymous]

My husbands ex cheated and took the kids away. She makes all kinds of statements including he was a deadbeat. He never missed a child support payment and paid far over. She makes it sound as if he cheated. The kids sincerely believe he broke up the marriage when she did.

[Anonymous]

OP, just because your mom "scooped" you first doesn't necessarily mean she's the honest one. She never should
Have gotten you involved in the first place. Could be that your stepmother is frustrated with you putting mom on a pedestal when you don't know or refuse to know the truth.