10-yo DS asked me if i regret marrying DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1. PP said her husband was sick, not a menace to her and the kids. Why would mental illness be any different than cancer?

Because mentally unhealthy parents frequently really mess up their kids - kids who might've otherwise developed normally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, make sure your son gets the message that while marriage isn't always fun or easy, you are glad you married your wife because without her, there'd be no HIM.

Even if you don't mean it.

Well, and epic fail at nurturing your marriage apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. PP said her husband was sick, not a menace to her and the kids. Why would mental illness be any different than cancer?

Because mentally unhealthy parents frequently really mess up their kids - kids who might've otherwise developed normally.

Please provide one actual study supporting your point. Go ahead, I'll wait.

In the interim, pause to consider how many people who'd pass the 'mentally healthy' standard really mess(ed) up their kids. Or how many kids had their lives messed up by chronically or terminally ill parents, or financial problems, or...

Mental health issues, particularly when diagnosed and treated, are no more a liability than any other variable. Facts or STFU, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Do you seriously think the bolded speaks to YOUR intelligence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Do you seriously think the bolded speaks to YOUR intelligence?

NP here. I thought the bolded part was funny. And rather accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Do you seriously think the bolded speaks to YOUR intelligence?

Humor denotes intelligence, yes. That's probably why you're not laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

LOL, I am now though... WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Do you seriously think the bolded speaks to YOUR intelligence?

Humor denotes intelligence, yes. That's probably why you're not laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Do you seriously think the bolded speaks to YOUR intelligence?

Humor denotes intelligence, yes. That's probably why you're not laughing.

Nope, just sounds like millennial-speak to me, which I don't find all that amusing. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

I like that using intuit and brain as a verb...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

Omg PP, I want to be your friend IRL. Your posts are hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, make sure your son gets the message that while marriage isn't always fun or easy, you are glad you married your wife because without her, there'd be no HIM.

Even if you don't mean it.

+1 and sit down with your wife to discuss how you all can move forward in a way that will protect your son. If he just asked you, he's been agonizing over it a long time. Don't let your kid be another kid who thinks of their childhood as one long stressful fight they are in the middle of.

And take something from his observation that the two of you are apparently not that nice to each other. Some mutual complimenting might go a long way

Presumptive on your part. Could just as easily been an epiphany moment based on some recent events. It could also have been a question toward understanding how his parents are happy but so different based on what he has seen on t.v. and in movies.

[Anonymous]

Kids often know there is a problem before the parents. They are very intuitive and have no reason to be in denial. Also, they usually experience real love from each parent and they can observe that each parent treats the other parent with much less affection. If the gap is fairly large, they put two and two together. They also notice snippy, sarcastic little comments that a parent might make that parents don't think kids hear or understand.

I presume the reason you are raising this issue is because you are wondering if your efforts to "stay together for the kids" is worth the effort if the kids see right through it? Or am I just projecting?! Because that is what happened to me. My husband was cheating, alcoholic, and drug addicted and I was trying to hold things together for the child. Then the child started asking me pretty pointed questions about whether I loved DH and whether we were going to get divorced. I had trouble white-washing the answers ...

We are now separated and in the middle of the divorce process. We made that move independently of the child ... husbands cheating was too intolerable. But I think losing the illusion that the child was unaware of our problems probably accelerated the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids often know there is a problem before the parents. They are very intuitive and have no reason to be in denial. Also, they usually experience real love from each parent and they can observe that each parent treats the other parent with much less affection. If the gap is fairly large, they put two and two together. They also notice snippy, sarcastic little comments that a parent might make that parents don't think kids hear or understand.

I presume the reason you are raising this issue is because you are wondering if your efforts to "stay together for the kids" is worth the effort if the kids see right through it? Or am I just projecting?! Because that is what happened to me. My husband was cheating, alcoholic, and drug addicted and I was trying to hold things together for the child. Then the child started asking me pretty pointed questions about whether I loved DH and whether we were going to get divorced. I had trouble white-washing the answers ...

We are now separated and in the middle of the divorce process. We made that move independently of the child ... husbands cheating was too intolerable. But I think losing the illusion that the child was unaware of our problems probably accelerated the process.

+1. Also now an ex-spouse from a partner who cheated and drank. My kids are too young to remember that phase of our life. But, I do remember my daughter asking me why I was so sad one day when I took her to nursery school. I wasn't crying. I wasn't saying anything sad. But, at that moment I knew that my face was reflecting the utter devastation and pain that I was feeling every day. And, I also knew that if assured her I wasn't sad at that moment (i.e. lied) that I would be teaching her something wrong about humans -- that it's normal for us to lie or hide our feelings or what looked like sadness wasn't actually that. I knew at that moment that to stay would be to actively teach my kids all the crazy I had been living with in my husband.

I ended my marriage. I wish my ex-husband was different, but he's not and lying about it doesn't help. I'm actually glad when my kids recognize how fucked up something is. My only role is to help them understand that his problems are his and are not a reflection of whether he loves them or not and that other people in life can give them the attention and love and care that he is not capable of.

All I can say to OP, is try to answer honestly but without all the dirty details. If your differences are leading to real troubles in your marriage, and your child sees that and you lie and say everything is fine, you are not helping your child. A kid doesn't need to hear that everything is fine when it actually is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

+1

I bet it was you, trash talking her. He can obviously tell that things are bad on YOUR end