10-yo DS asked me if i regret marrying DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:his reasons? that we're so different and we like different things and do different things. i said true but we complement each other..., and he goes "um no you don't!"

you know your marriage is in trouble when a kid who doesn't know complement from compliment can see right through it...

Then he probably thought you meant "compliment" and if you don't compliment each other, that is telling, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... do you?

I do... my kids know it but they also know that I am trying to help my mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person. Life is not perfect, you don't just bail out of a marriage because parts of it suck.

You can't explain to your son, you know nothing is perfect.

What is going on?

Why did you take it upon yourself to help your mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person?

Because I love him.
Because I want my kids to have a stable father, somebody who is not a burden to the in their adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... do you?

I do... my kids know it but they also know that I am trying to help my mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person. Life is not perfect, you don't just bail out of a marriage because parts of it suck.

You can't explain to your son, you know nothing is perfect.

What is going on?

Why did you take it upon yourself to help your mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person?

Not PP, but this is the whole "sickness and health" bit. You don't leave someone because they get cancer, or have a heart attack, or have mental health issues that need treatment. You swore a vow, and if you're not a mouth-breathing troglodyte, you honor it, even if, and perhaps especially when it's difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... do you?

I do... my kids know it but they also know that I am trying to help my mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person. Life is not perfect, you don't just bail out of a marriage because parts of it suck.

You can't explain to your son, you know nothing is perfect.

What is going on?

Why did you take it upon yourself to help your mentally ill husband become a stable healthy person?

Not PP, but this is the whole "sickness and health" bit. You don't leave someone because they get cancer, or have a heart attack, or have mental health issues that need treatment. You swore a vow, and if you're not a mouth-breathing troglodyte, you honor it, even if, and perhaps especially when it's difficult.

+1. PP said her husband was sick, not a menace to her and the kids. Why would mental illness be any different than cancer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Some people are crazy. However, a lot of times when I hear a woman is that unhinged I suspect there's a lot more going on at home. What comes across in this post is the writer's hostility and contempt towards his wife. I suspect that is part of this dynamic. He hates her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Some people are crazy. However, a lot of times when I hear a woman is that unhinged I suspect there's a lot more going on at home. What comes across in this post is the writer's hostility and contempt towards his wife. I suspect that is part of this dynamic. He hates her.

There is no circumstance that justifies being chronically unhinged. It is a contemptible trait.

[Anonymous]

I'm disturbed at the hint of triangulation going on here. The hint of disrespect, that marriage isn't the result of a partnership but of one partner being defective, or that somehow you regret this decision because magically there's a more perfect DW somewhere out there.

[Anonymous]

Kids often ask off-the-wall questions. Don't project marital problems onto a question like this. His mind might have been in an entirely different place. Your mind goes to marital problems. His mind might go to do you regret getting married vs. becoming an international spy, or she likes pizza and you like chinese food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Wow, you were able to intuit a whole lot of information about PP from . . . literally nothing at all.

I'll copypasta this back for your ass, since you seem to have missed it the first time through: "...mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it."

100% "she's crazy", zero acknowledgement of his own responsibility. Now re-read my comment, and try to brain. I know it's hard when you have the dumb, but I believe in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm disturbed at the hint of triangulation going on here. The hint of disrespect, that marriage isn't the result of a partnership but of one partner being defective, or that somehow you regret this decision because magically there's a more perfect DW somewhere out there.

Savior complex, perhaps? Wouldn't be the first guy to be drawn to a woman he can "save", only to later reject and rebuke said woman for the same traits.

[Anonymous]

So, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm disturbed at the hint of triangulation going on here. The hint of disrespect, that marriage isn't the result of a partnership but of one partner being defective, or that somehow you regret this decision because magically there's a more perfect DW somewhere out there.

Regret: feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over

I don't think regret means there is a more perfect DW (or DH) out there somewhere. I think it is the realization that 2 adults are not handling things well and that they wish they had handled it better before it got to this.

I regret not getting my H into therapy (or making it mandatory to stay married) in our 30's instead of his 50's. Except he was misdiagnosed 15 years ago so even though I have regret, I also give myself/and him a break for not being perfect.... and maybe someday, my kids will realize life is not perfect and they need to give themselves a break for not being perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not normal - you or your wife have contributed to this. He would not say these things otherwise. Not good.

Good thing you weighed in. Previously OP thought what happened was awesome.

+1. What an ass.

As for OP, so sorry. This hits very close to home, and I'll be right there with you One day. My kids are younger, but there are only so many years of mom's constant hostility, screaming, crying, and threatening to harm herself before they realize these are not normal "arguments". Regret doesn't even describe it.

Oh, and I'm sure you're a peach, PP. Yet another tired retelling of the saintly man and crazy woman. You're probably the worst thing that ever happened to her, and she and the kids will be better off without your pathetic trope of fragile masculinity dicking up the place.

Some people are crazy. However, a lot of times when I hear a woman is that unhinged I suspect there's a lot more going on at home. What comes across in this post is the writer's hostility and contempt towards his wife. I suspect that is part of this dynamic. He hates her.

There is no circumstance that justifies being chronically unhinged. It is a contemptible trait.

You hate her. Your reaction to her unpleasant behavior is to withdraw and hate. Her reaction to being hated by her intimate partner is to increase her bids for attention, classic symptom of a bid for attention is a threat for self harm. When you hate more, this escalates her becoming upset. You interpret this as further evidence that she is randomly unhinged and withdraw and hate even more. I don't think either one of you is great, because both parties feed this. You clearly hate her. The lack of empathy and hate shines through in your post.