Closing the barn door after the horse! (condom related)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a guy who has issues with condoms, I'd probably angle for mutual oral sex instead.

Now before anyone gets on me about "having issues" with condoms, I don't have anything against the use of them per se. For some reason though, as soon as I had one on, I would lose my erection. I don't know if it was an allergy thing or some other issue, but snap, gone. Kind of embarrassing, but thankfully, I had several girlfriends in college who were on the pill, and yes, I got STD tested before new partners to be as safe as possible.

Years later, I'm married, have one kid, and my wife decides that the pills she's on are messing with her hormones too much. We decide to try condoms again. We spent money on all types...thin, ribbed, whatever. Didn't matter, same issue, years later. After 10+ years, my wife and I had had sex thousands of times and were perfectly comfortable with each other, so I wouldn't chalk it up to performance anxiety or anything like that.

Now we have two kids and I got snipped, and we enjoy a ton of condom free, worry free sex.

I realize I just went off on a tangent there, so I suppose to tie it back to the question asked, don't be surprised if he isn't enthused, there could be a reason for it other than the usual. Probably not, but maybe.

You do realize that people can catch things from oral sex too, right?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm disappointed, though not surprised, that this has degenerated into an "is he married?" "who is guiltier?" "pathetic other woman!" conversation. Geez! Can't two people hit it off and want to knock boots without a referendum on their marital status? Why the assumption that this is adultery? I appreciate the responses that have stuck to the topic of how to have open, honest communication after a false start.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've been in your situation before. I don't think it's strange at all to ask to use one on your second time together. I'm sure he'll understand that things were a little unexpected and hot and heavy the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: "angling for oral sex", PP, you realize that unprotected oral sex can also lead to STIs, namely herpes? That HSV-1 can transmit via the oral-genital route and lead to a lifelong infection?

If a guy isn't smart enough to protect himself, much less kind enough to protect you, then he's not worth fooling around with in any capacity.

OP also refuses to answer the married question. We do know someone that died a ways back from HPV throat cancer. I didn't know that much about it until then but it's much more common than people think. A lot of that stuff isn't talked about but it was very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm disappointed, though not surprised, that this has degenerated into an "is he married?" "who is guiltier?" "pathetic other woman!" conversation. Geez! Can't two people hit it off and want to knock boots without a referendum on their marital status? Why the assumption that this is adultery? I appreciate the responses that have stuck to the topic of how to have open, honest communication after a false start.

OP, it's a valid question. For one, if he's married there is no open honest communication with that type of person. Now I am wondering if you're married because you sound very reckless with low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this guy married OP?

What should OP care? That guy is making his own choices. It's not like she's forcing him to hook up.

She should care because that makes her just as guilty, and could invite a lot of trouble.

"Just as guilty"? How so? What relationship/agreement/trust/legal union is she breaking?

But yeah I guess there could be trouble if her hook up is married to some pyscho.

Geese if someone has to spell it out....apparently you need to raise the bar in the morals and ethics dept. lol

With cheaters BOTH are equally to blame. Get divorced then sleep with everyone - or don't get married to begin with.
Watch the fowl talk.

Seriously - "just as guilty"? You sound like you like to blame "the other woman" more than the actual guilty party (cheating spouse).

[Anonymous]

I am guessing OP is married, why the random hook ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a conference I recently met and slept with a man from out of town. In our intoxicated state, we did not use protection. BIG mistake, I know. HUGE!

Now he is coming to my city for another conference and we plan to meet up again. I would like him to wear a condom this time. I do feel a bit stupid requesting this, though, since we already did it without. What do you think is the best way to request this without sounding like a damn fool? I am also interested in hearing what men would think of this--would you be super disappointed, think it sensible, what?

Why would you care if some stranger is "super disappointed"? Isn't your health more important?

Imo you should put yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man here. Very sad. OP, you sound desperate. If you can't ask for what you want, then you're pathetic.

NP. How about it's sad that the man doesn't just have condoms and use them automatically without having to be asked?

Red flag for this is his pattern of behavior. STD alert!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the quick and helpful replies. I plan on bringing my own condoms, and have no interest in a relationship or having a child (!) by this man. I am just looking to enjoy myself, responsibly this time!

Since you don't know him from jack, it's not responsible fyi.

oh, fuck off. people are allowed to have sex.

this shouldn't be a big deal. just bring your own condoms (byoc) and at the right moment, whip one out. if he doesn't want to wear it, there are plenty of still-safe ways to enjoy your evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the quick and helpful replies. I plan on bringing my own condoms, and have no interest in a relationship or having a child (!) by this man. I am just looking to enjoy myself, responsibly this time!

Since you don't know him from jack, it's not responsible fyi.

oh, fuck off. people are allowed to have sex.

this shouldn't be a big deal. just bring your own condoms (byoc) and at the right moment, whip one out. if he doesn't want to wear it, there are plenty of still-safe ways to enjoy your evening.

Says the foolish idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the quick and helpful replies. I plan on bringing my own condoms, and have no interest in a relationship or having a child (!) by this man. I am just looking to enjoy myself, responsibly this time!

Since you don't know him from jack, it's not responsible fyi.

oh, fuck off. people are allowed to have sex.

this shouldn't be a big deal. just bring your own condoms (byoc) and at the right moment, whip one out. if he doesn't want to wear it, there are plenty of still-safe ways to enjoy your evening.

Says the foolish idiot.

Some people are less risk-averse than others.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who became pregnant this way. She was ok with it because she was over 35 and wanted kids. (Didn't have a boyfriend at the time.) She called the guy for another "get together" because she didn't know his last name or address. When he was in the bathroom she looked in his wallet and got all his info. Later when they went out for dinner she gave him the news which he didn't take well at all. In fact, he made an excuse and left shortly after dinner and changed his phone number. He wasn't thrilled months later when he was served the court summons for paternity and child support.
Too many men that won't wear condoms who think birth control is a woman's problem until it's on their doorstep. When someone doesn't use birth control I would assume they want kids...

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sure he's thinking the same thing. He wouldn't want to knock up or get a disease from some random hook up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure he's thinking the same thing. He wouldn't want to knock up or get a disease from some random hook up.

Don't assume, you know what they say about assumptions. Responsible guys always use condoms, this loser didn't.