Teacher blabbed to older sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are mad because your kid acted poorly and the teacher told other kids who in turn will tell their parents and you know those parents are now embarrassed. It's a you problem not a teacher problem.

No, not at all. I don't know the other parents and couldn't care less what they think (if they even care) about my kids. I'm mad because an teacher tattling to a 10 y/o about his younger brother's behavior is an inappropriate and unprofessional crossing of boundaries.

[Anonymous]

It's somewhat unprofessional, but I would definitely let it go. Your child engaged in the inappropriate behavior openly, it is not a secret. You have bigger issues to address


Indeed, it's just gossip.

What amazes me is the OP's apparent disregard for the kid who was punched and, perhaps, kicked. Imagine the OP's outrage if her little darling had been the one punched. Deal with your child and stop blaming others.

jesus people -- the OP never said that their kid did anything wrong, but that she felt that the teacher's behavior with her older child was inappropriate and crossed professional boundaries.

OP -- I agree with you completely. There was a situation where a teacher got very angry at my son for what he perceived as disrespect. My kid was goofing around and mimicking the teacher. My kid was in first grade. The teacher punished my child in a way that was very shaming to him. This particular teacher would give out tickets for good behavior that could be saved and exchanged for trinkets. This teacher told my son that he would be given no tickets for the remainder of the year. He then told my daughter that she would not be allowed to use her tickets to buy trinkets for her brother. My kids have a healthy amount of sibling rivalry, and the last thing I need is a teacher providing ammunition to my older child to use against my younger. Strangely, instead of lording this over her brother, my daughter felt uncomfortable having been drawn into this punishment by this teacher, and shared it with me. I addressed it with the teacher, who denied the whole thing, realizing that he had crossed a boundary.

I agree that you should address this with the administration OP -- adults don't need to be interfering with the family unit in this way.

[Anonymous]

pp here -- I meant to say -- didn't say that her kid didn't do something wrong

[Anonymous]

I am trying to find out what instigated the behavior because it IS out of character for him and I think a good parent should try to find out why her child suddenly starts lashing out at people.

Then ask him, for God sakes! He is at least six, probably 7 at this point. Don't you speak with your own kid? And you are minimizing what he did - you said that the "mud-throwing is more believable," implying that you don't believe he engaged in the other actions. I don't know why you find it so hard to believe things occurred as the teacher told you. My son is in 1st grade (still 6) and generally a laid back, well behaved kid, but he got into some random argument with our neighbor's child and threw a bike at him. DS was overtired and cranky and the kid was teasing him by saying that DS's female friend was a "girlfriend," so there are REASONS for DS's behavior, but in my view, there is no EXCUSE for DS's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, your kid punched another kid in the stomach and then kicked him on the ground, and you feel that the teacher's email reporting the incident was of a..."rather dramatic tone"?

Forget whatever the teacher did. You need to address the behavior with your kid. Your ire is misdirected.

+1 yes

[Anonymous]

OP, while I agree that it isn't appropriate for the teacher to have talked about your younger child's behavior, there is no good way for you to bring this up now without it seeming like you are trying to deflect blame from your son for his behavior. You can try to bring it up to the teacher or the administration now but I don't anticipate you having much luck since it's so closely associated with some really bad behavior by your child. It's pretty much guaranteed to seem like you're trying to pass the blame to someone else.

Also, each of your posts come off as trying to minimize what DS did and cast doubt on whether it was as severe as the teacher stated. That isn't going to help you make your case against the teacher, it's going to get you dismissed as a "not my precious child" parent. Long story short, I think you missed your chance to address the teacher's behavior with the administration and now you just have to focus on your son's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am trying to find out what instigated the behavior because it IS out of character for him and I think a good parent should try to find out why her child suddenly starts lashing out at people.

Then ask him, for God sakes! He is at least six, probably 7 at this point. Don't you speak with your own kid? And you are minimizing what he did - you said that the "mud-throwing is more believable," implying that you don't believe he engaged in the other actions. I don't know why you find it so hard to believe things occurred as the teacher told you. My son is in 1st grade (still 6) and generally a laid back, well behaved kid, but he got into some random argument with our neighbor's child and threw a bike at him. DS was overtired and cranky and the kid was teasing him by saying that DS's female friend was a "girlfriend," so there are REASONS for DS's behavior, but in my view, there is no EXCUSE for DS's behavior.

Do you seriously think I didn't ask my son what precipitated the behavior? Of course I did. And as you accuse me of minimizing what my son did, which I am not and have said that it is unacceptable and that he has had consequences for it, you did exactly the same thing about what your kid did. Kids do things that are out of character sometimes. While we will not tolerate this sort of behavior from our kids, if they suddenly start doing something unexpected in this way we are certainly going to try to figure out why.

[Anonymous]

And as you accuse me of minimizing what my son did, which I am not and have said that it is unacceptable and that he has had consequences for it, you did exactly the same thing about what your kid did.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Read your own posts. You are totally minimizing it, you either just (1) don't realize it, or (2) don't like getting called out on it so you are backtracking. Look, do whatever you want bout this teacher and your kid, it is your life, and fortunately, the school is stuck dealing with all of you, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And as you accuse me of minimizing what my son did, which I am not and have said that it is unacceptable and that he has had consequences for it, you did exactly the same thing about what your kid did.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Read your own posts. You are totally minimizing it, you either just (1) don't realize it, or (2) don't like getting called out on it so you are backtracking. Look, do whatever you want bout this teacher and your kid, it is your life, and fortunately, the school is stuck dealing with all of you, not me.

Don't like getting called out on your hypocrisy, do you PP?

[Anonymous]

Leave OP alone. I think she handled it just fine, all around.

[Anonymous]

Well the problem with your laundry list of teacher complaints is you haven't let administration in on that all year so if you bring it up, it looks like deflection, not actual concern. If you've had such misgivings about the teacher all year to the point where you do not believe his version of these events, it's hard to imagine why you haven't mentioned it to anyone higher up yet.

[Anonymous]

Another thing I don't get is why you say the story he told your 4th grader was an exaggerated version of the real events. You weren't there, so it seems like you couldn't possibly know if he exaggerated them, but furthermore, why would he do that? He's going to lie to some 4th grader he doesn't know? That just doesn't make sense. Could it be more likely that in the game of telephone, by the time he got home and told you about the interaction, your 4th grader exaggerated what the teacher told him? I'm not saying teachers are perfect but I think in instances of misbehavior a kid who got in trouble is a much less reliable source than the teacher who doesn't really have a reason to lie or exaggerate or be dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's somewhat unprofessional, but I would definitely let it go. Your child engaged in the inappropriate behavior openly, it is not a secret. You have bigger issues to address


Indeed, it's just gossip.

What amazes me is the OP's apparent disregard for the kid who was punched and, perhaps, kicked. Imagine the OP's outrage if her little darling had been the one punched. Deal with your child and stop blaming others.

jesus people -- the OP never said that their kid did anything wrong, but that she felt that the teacher's behavior with her older child was inappropriate and crossed professional boundaries.

OP -- I agree with you completely. There was a situation where a teacher got very angry at my son for what he perceived as disrespect. My kid was goofing around and mimicking the teacher. My kid was in first grade. The teacher punished my child in a way that was very shaming to him. This particular teacher would give out tickets for good behavior that could be saved and exchanged for trinkets. This teacher told my son that he would be given no tickets for the remainder of the year. He then told my daughter that she would not be allowed to use her tickets to buy trinkets for her brother. My kids have a healthy amount of sibling rivalry, and the last thing I need is a teacher providing ammunition to my older child to use against my younger. Strangely, instead of lording this over her brother, my daughter felt uncomfortable having been drawn into this punishment by this teacher, and shared it with me. I addressed it with the teacher, who denied the whole thing, realizing that he had crossed a boundary.

I agree that you should address this with the administration OP -- adults don't need to be interfering with the family unit in this way.

It sounds like the teacher overreacted but if your son was mimicking him he was being disrespectful. I hope you acknowledged his ill behavior and handled it so he doesn't continue to be disrespectful in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In an ideal and perfect world, you would be right.

In the real world, let it go.

I volunteer at my children's schools extensively, and I can see first hand how much administrators and teachers have to worry about, manage and deal with. Don't waste their time over piddling little details like that.

There are many more things that bother me about schools: for example, that parent volunteers in MCPS, stuffing Friday folders, can see all the grades earned by all the students in the class. That some teachers yell at their students way too harshly. That some schools punish the whole class for the misbehavior of a few students. That some schools punish students by taking their recess time without allowing them other means to get their energy out, which aggravates their misbehavior. The list goes on...

PP, you're being generous. I don't think it's cool that the teacher discussed this with the sibling, or in front of other kids. (Assuming for the sake of discussion) that the older child's account is 100% true.) And just for kicks:

It is NOT cool that parents can see grades. Report cards should be put in an envelope, or at least folded/stapled, to prevent this. Not OK at all and a serious breach of privacy regulations. Also not cool that recess is taken away -- that's not allowed in APS. I sincerely hope it's not allowed in other districts.

--Teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
In an ideal and perfect world, you would be right.

In the real world, let it go.

I volunteer at my children's schools extensively, and I can see first hand how much administrators and teachers have to worry about, manage and deal with. Don't waste their time over piddling little details like that.

There are many more things that bother me about schools: for example, that parent volunteers in MCPS, stuffing Friday folders, can see all the grades earned by all the students in the class. That some teachers yell at their students way too harshly. That some schools punish the whole class for the misbehavior of a few students. That some schools punish students by taking their recess time without allowing them other means to get their energy out, which aggravates their misbehavior. The list goes on...

I think OP is taking about graded assignment, not the report card.

PP, you're being generous. I don't think it's cool that the teacher discussed this with the sibling, or in front of other kids. (Assuming for the sake of discussion) that the older child's account is 100% true.) And just for kicks:

It is NOT cool that parents can see grades. Report cards should be put in an envelope, or at least folded/stapled, to prevent this. Not OK at all and a serious breach of privacy regulations. Also not cool that recess is taken away -- that's not allowed in APS. I sincerely hope it's not allowed in other districts.

--Teacher