Feel gut-punched by SIL's comment I overheard

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses.

To answer some questions, she definitely wasn't joking. I didn't see friend's reaction because I looked away, pretending I hadn't heard.

Friend had been doing most of the talking, with me asking appropriate questions. SIL is the one who usually dominates a conversation, so I don't think I have a reputation for talking too much.

This is probably TMI, but the friend's sister is also friends with my SIL and has always had a crush on my husband and begrudged me, so maybe that played into this. But still..."rescue"? Ack. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

She's not jealous of you. it's far more likely that she likes you a little less than she likes her friends. Not unreasonable. You chose your friends, not your I laws. Which is okay. Assuming you have friends of your own...

[Anonymous]

Seeing your subject, I thought you were going to say something like "I overheard SIL telling someone that she hates me." That I'd worry about.

But your example? While someone might interpret SIL as being rude, it seems like she was just being rude in general and not necessarily specifically rude to you.

Who knows what was behind her comment. Maybe she wasn't sure you and friend would get along. Maybe she was worried you and friend would get along so well that you'd steal her friend! Maybe she just wanted a chance to talk to friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is probably TMI, but the friend's sister is also friends with my SIL and has always had a crush on my husband and begrudged me, so maybe that played into this. But still..."rescue"? Ack. Oh well.

Just posted and missed this. Of course this is relevant! She assumed friend wouldn't want to spend much time chatting with the wife of the one that got away! Again, more about her and her friend than about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses.

To answer some questions, she definitely wasn't joking. I didn't see friend's reaction because I looked away, pretending I hadn't heard.

Friend had been doing most of the talking, with me asking appropriate questions. SIL is the one who usually dominates a conversation, so I don't think I have a reputation for talking too much.

This is probably TMI, but the friend's sister is also friends with my SIL and has always had a crush on my husband and begrudged me, so maybe that played into this. But still..."rescue"? Ack. Oh well.

In this case I would get cheeky, smile and say 'hey, F U!' Ha haha, so funny.
But that's just me.

[Anonymous]

This would hurt my feelings as well. I would probably avoid social settings with her going forward.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's necessarily about you, in a personal sense. It's between your SIL and her friend. She knows her friend wants her brother, which would make the friend feel less than thrilled about your existence, so she was addressing that. Your SIL may like you just fine and never feel like anyone would need rescuing from you, but she has a certain loyalty to her friend, so her position is a bit awkward, in a way.

I have in-laws who like me fine as a person, but who would have preferred that their relative had chosen someone else. It's not your problem, and not really personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That'd gut punch me too. Once, my SIL was drinking (though not drunk) and at a dinner with lots of people while talking about the possibility of having a baby with my brother she said, "If I could just clone myself to have a baby, I would." And I was thinking, "Wow, if you think our genes are that awful why'd you even marry Brother?"

Cut to now - she has a baby (not cloned, but with my brother's genes in there too) and we are polite but not at all friendly or close.

Are you for real?
some people are super sensitive
I can see my husband saying this and I would crack up laughing
just like he laughs when I say his mother likes me more than she likes him
it's called A JOKE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. 16 years ago my SIL was quite drunk when over at our house. While I was holding her hair as she got sick she told me if I wasn't so damn nice she would hate my guts. She went on to say she would hate me because she was jealous of me in a bunch of different ways.

I don't think she remembers saying it. I don't bring it up. But I can see that it is true. And I will never forget it.

That was a compliment to you
GEEZUS CHRISTMAS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. 16 years ago my SIL was quite drunk when over at our house. While I was holding her hair as she got sick she told me if I wasn't so damn nice she would hate my guts. She went on to say she would hate me because she was jealous of me in a bunch of different ways.

I don't think she remembers saying it. I don't bring it up. But I can see that it is true. And I will never forget it.

That was a compliment to you
GEEZUS CHRISTMAS!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. 16 years ago my SIL was quite drunk when over at our house. While I was holding her hair as she got sick she told me if I wasn't so damn nice she would hate my guts. She went on to say she would hate me because she was jealous of me in a bunch of different ways.

I don't think she remembers saying it. I don't bring it up. But I can see that it is true. And I will never forget it.

That was a compliment to you
GEEZUS CHRISTMAS!

+1

+2! My mom says this about her SIL all the time, to her face, because it's a compliment! Mom's SIL (my aunt) is beautiful, and talented (artist/painter), and a great mother, plus fun and funny to boot. When my mom says that she should hate her but can't, it's a cheeky compliment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses.

To answer some questions, she definitely wasn't joking. I didn't see friend's reaction because I looked away, pretending I hadn't heard.

Friend had been doing most of the talking, with me asking appropriate questions. SIL is the one who usually dominates a conversation, so I don't think I have a reputation for talking too much.

This is probably TMI, but the friend's sister is also friends with my SIL and has always had a crush on my husband and begrudged me, so maybe that played into this. But still..."rescue"? Ack. Oh well.

i think its shitty OP, and i'm sorry. it reminds me of my mom's experience, who grew up without siblings, and was so excited to marry into a big family, but her in-laws always treated her like an outsider even if they were nice to her face. i saw they did this with any of the in-laws, frankly they always looked down upon anyone who married their siblings (noone was good enough for their siblings.) but my mom always had way more grace and class to sink to their level. i'm sorry its not the family you had hoped to get, and i hope you start sending your energy towards people who deserve/appreciate it more.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say she usually dominates conversations. Maybe she rationalizes that by telling herself that other people are too boring to listen to. Maybe that's what she meant by her comment. To the loudmouthed extrovert, everyone else is a bore and a wallflower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel bad too.

I would too. And I know that I would not feel the same again. I'm sorry, OP.

This would hurt my feelings. I don't think you're being over-sensitive. I understand why you don't want to say anything, though I probably would, especially if this is a person I've been close to and a relationship I value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. 16 years ago my SIL was quite drunk when over at our house. While I was holding her hair as she got sick she told me if I wasn't so damn nice she would hate my guts. She went on to say she would hate me because she was jealous of me in a bunch of different ways.

I don't think she remembers saying it. I don't bring it up. But I can see that it is true. And I will never forget it.

That was a compliment to you
GEEZUS CHRISTMAS!

+1

+2! My mom says this about her SIL all the time, to her face, because it's a compliment! Mom's SIL (my aunt) is beautiful, and talented (artist/painter), and a great mother, plus fun and funny to boot. When my mom says that she should hate her but can't, it's a cheeky compliment!

This would have made me feel more tender toward your SIL, not less. She was being honest with you in a moment of vulnerability, and yes - it was a compliment to you. It reflects that she wishes she were more like you. My goodness, PP!