Moving fast, or not?

[Anonymous]

PP again.

Knowing there are kids involved.

Young kids at that. At 9 and 3 these kids will be in the home for years it's not like 17 year olds that will be off to college.

You need to slow it way down.

Make sure each of you have done the work to know why things didn't work with your last relationships.

Figure out how to blend families, slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do either of you have kids? That's a huge factor.

OP here. Yes, we both have 1 child each, 9 & 3.

Lordy. You are CRAZY.

Focus on your kids and take your time. Blended families are HARD and really, I don't know which of you had a three-year-old, but that child needs a lot of care and attention and time after a divorce.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think you sound very immature and selfish. If this blows up, your child will be hurt AGAIN.

When there is a child, you need to take your sweet time. Who knows, you can put your kid in danger and its no joke!
If no kid(s), I would say go for it if you feel sure.

Funny how OP didn't mention the important detail of children in the OP. Kids are a huge factor.
There is no way I would be thinking of trying to be married by the end of the year to a guy I've known under a year when I have a kid. No way.

[Anonymous]

OP - It seems that your first question on your new relationship was phrased as you might dream it could be - "two newly singled adults without any kids meeting the perfect mate."
However, the reality as you noted is that one of you has a nine year old DC who probably witnessed some of the drama of the divorce of his/her parents and will have a lot to say about any new step mom or step dad entering the scene. Now if time is taken to make the introduction over time, it might work out very well, but not if just dropped on DC. The 9 year old is also apt to be reporting to the EX also about the new relationship so the new step parent of this child has a double reason to make sure the introduction is done at the right time and over time. PLUS the new step parent is bringing along a toddler in many respects which is also certainly to rock this older child's world, too. You both need to take time especially for this child.

The three year old could most likely be much more adaptable to a new step parent if again done at the right time and over time. However, I think it most important not to rush into anything due to this younger child as it will take time to see if the new potential step parent to this young child is really into "doing it all over again." Parenting one a little more than a toddler is quite different than a 9 year old who is fairly self-sufficient, has one's own interests on which a relationship might develop over time and has a life of one's own. Overall, at least a good year needs to be taken with a focus on the needs of both of your children as well as each other as individuals. You both might benefit from a couple's therapist who can help you objectively understand why the relationship clock might need to be slowed down. Finally, it would seem to be that the unpredictable reactions of the ex's and how custody is handled between the two sets of parents again means that you both need to go slowly because for many different reasons either ex could have rel concerns on the well being of their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do either of you have kids? That's a huge factor.

OP here. Yes, we both have 1 child each, 9 & 3.

Lordy. You are CRAZY.

Focus on your kids and take your time. Blended families are HARD and really, I don't know which of you had a three-year-old, but that child needs a lot of care and attention and time after a divorce.

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think you sound very immature and selfish. If this blows up, your child will be hurt AGAIN.

When there is a child, you need to take your sweet time. Who knows, you can put your kid in danger and its no joke!
If no kid(s), I would say go for it if you feel sure.

Funny how OP didn't mention the important detail of children in the OP. Kids are a huge factor.
There is no way I would be thinking of trying to be married by the end of the year to a guy I've known under a year when I have a kid. No way.

OP, maybe you are lonely, and we all are at some point, but you have to think of your child first. How will your child react to a stepparent? Stepsibling?