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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - It seems that your first question on your new relationship was phrased as you might dream it could be - "two newly singled adults without any kids meeting the perfect mate."
However, the reality as you noted is that one of you has a nine year old DC who probably witnessed some of the drama of the divorce of his/her parents and will have a lot to say about any new step mom or step dad entering the scene.  Now if time is taken to make the introduction over time, it might work out very well, but not if just dropped on DC.  The 9 year old is also apt to be reporting to the EX also about the new relationship so the new step parent of this child has a double reason to make sure the introduction is done at the right time and over time.  PLUS the new step parent is bringing along a toddler in many respects which is also certainly to rock this older child's world, too.  You both need to take time especially for this child.

The three year old could most likely be much more adaptable to a new step parent if again done at the right time and over time.  However, I think it most important not to rush into anything due to this younger child as it will take time to see if the new potential step parent to this young child is really into "doing it all over again."  Parenting one a little more than a toddler is quite different than a 9 year old who is fairly self-sufficient, has one's own interests on which a relationship might develop over time and has a life of one's own.   Overall, at least a good year needs to be taken with a focus on the needs of both of your children as well as each other as individuals.  You both might benefit from a couple's therapist who can help you objectively understand why the relationship clock might need to be slowed down.  Finally, it would seem to be that the unpredictable reactions of the ex's and how custody is handled between the two sets of parents again means that you both need to go slowly because for many different reasons either ex could have rel concerns on the well being of their child.

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