Moving fast, or not?
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Anonymous
+1 to this. I don't think it's moving too fast. |
Anonymous
Talking is one thing doing is another. Borrowing some advice from my auntie when it came to dating make sure you are looking at his negatives too . Pay close attention to those. Also what else is in your picture? Kids? Exes? |
Anonymous
| Do either of you have a history of getting really serious really fast? I've seen couples where they are just totally right for each other and it makes sense to move fast, and then I have other friends who act like this in every relationship. |
Anonymous
THIS! If you or he has done this multiple times, I'd say clearly it didn't work out the other times, so you/he can't trust that you "just know" this time. If not, there might be something to it. I do think you're able to decide earlier in your 30s/40s if someone is a good match than you can in your 20s, but you also should know the virtue of patience better. Never apologize for how you feel, because you can't control it anyway, but recognize that you can control how you act on it. If it's right now, it will still be right 6 months or a year from now. |
Anonymous
A year? I'm confused. It's been like 3 months! 
OP, why the rush? |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes, we both have 1 child each, 9 & 3. |
Anonymous
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Yes to 21:22. I have friends who jump in with both feet with every single person they meet, and I'll see their relationship status change 4 times in a year as they get "serious" with 4 different people.
I have other friends who knew themselves well and dated enough people to know exactly what they wanted, and were able to say, "yes, this is a good fit for me" relatively early on. (one couple got engaged at 8 months and married 3 months later; the groom's previous relationship had lasted 5 years with no engagement.) Your friends probably know if you're the first type or the second. (I'm personally not a jumper-inner, but I can rule someone out fairly quickly and I can see myself deciding by the 6-month mark if someone is "it.") Make sure you're not blinding yourself to unpleasant stuff just because you're excited/in love. |
Anonymous
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Please don't. I met and married someone within 3 months, and 3 months later found out he had a few other fiancées in other states that were all supporting him, too. You just need more time to make sure someone is who they say and show you they are. And more time to make sure you're both just not swept up in the moment. Time won't kill you. Especially with little ones in the picture...
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Anonymous
| I guess I would ask, why? What's the reason for rushing into a legal commitment? Are you trying to lock it down? Because look at this board. People cheat, people leave their spouses all the time. Why not just enjoy what you have? What will marriage give you that the trust and love you already have won't? |
Anonymous
Lordy. You are CRAZY. Focus on your kids and take your time. Blended families are HARD and really, I don't know which of you had a three-year-old, but that child needs a lot of care and attention and time after a divorce. I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think you sound very immature and selfish. If this blows up, your child will be hurt AGAIN. |
Anonymous
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"I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think you sound very immature and selfish. If this blows up, your child will be hurt AGAIN."
+million. Hugh change OP is a troll, but in the off chance she isn't, WTF are you thinking? |
Anonymous
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I think so.
Perhaps after a year (at least!) of dating, then bring up the topic again once you both have had the opportunity to get to know each other better. |
Anonymous
+1. Date for at least a year and spend a LOT of time talking about your pasts, what kind of maariage you want, how to co-parent, where you would live, how you would handle finances all the way thru college funding and retirements, whether you would have pre-nups and how you would handle things if you broke up, how your ex's and their custody would be managed, etc. then at the end of a year you still feel like marriage is a good fit, intoduce the adults and children and spend another year hetting to know one another in this context. Watch how the adults and children interact. Watch how ghe other adult parents. Then at the end of the second year, if all is still well, plan for a wedding at the end of year 3. |
Anonymous
When there is a child, you need to take your sweet time. Who knows, you can put your kid in danger and its no joke! If no kid(s), I would say go for it if you feel sure. |
Anonymous
I am the pp who said when you're older it's easier to know. Kids change everything, you need to integrate the families slowly and see how that works before getting married. |