Moving fast, or not?

[Anonymous]

We are both over 40, met in January, officially started dating in March. Marriage is already on the mind of both of us. Too soon, or not?

[Anonymous]

I met my now DH when I was 30. We were officially dating by the first week. Said our "I love you"s at the 2 month mark. Were discussing long term plans, including marriage, by month 4.

Sometimes, when you know you know. Other times, you could be rushing in prematurely. You know yourself better than any of us posting, you'll have to take a hard look at whether you're normally the type to rush in or not and whether there are circumstances leading you to rush in when you normally wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

I think when you're older you can tell if something is worthwhile much more quickly. You know what you want, they know what they want.

25 year olds getting married in a year? I would think its crazy.

40 year olds? If they WEREN'T talking marriage by at least 1 year I'd be thinking it probably wasn't going to last.

[Anonymous]

My dad decided he was going to marry my mom on their first date. They dated for 4 months total before getting married in their early 20s.

My DH decided he was going to marry me after a week of dating. We really both "knew" on our first date, but tempered our behavior due to our respective friends telling us both to slow down so we wouldn't scare the other off.

If you're talking marriage because you both "know" it is not too soon. If you're talking marriage because you're lonely or think you should be, then it is too soon. Like 15:40 said, though, you know yourself better than we do. Personally, I've always known when I was rushing headlong into a stupid decision. I'm happy that in my 30s I can listen to my common sense instead of continuing down a path I know will lead to ruin. What does your gut say about this, OP?

[Anonymous]

depends - have both of you been truly in love before? had serious previous relationships? have you both learned and grown from those past experiences? despite being on the highs of the new relationship, have you really had the chance(s) to talk about serious aspects of a long-term relationship and what that means? the other thing, and it's important for most healthy relationships - how is the sex? is it great for both of you?

if yes to the above, then certainly I think you would be on the right track.

[Anonymous]

16:15, just want to add that my parents are still married and recently celebrated 40 years together.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I still wouldn't get married before a year. There is a big infatuation period at the beginning. And a lot of issues take a year to realize (money problems, family problems, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad decided he was going to marry my mom on their first date. They dated for 4 months total before getting married in their early 20s.

My DH decided he was going to marry me after a week of dating. We really both "knew" on our first date, but tempered our behavior due to our respective friends telling us both to slow down so we wouldn't scare the other off.

If you're talking marriage because you both "know" it is not too soon. If you're talking marriage because you're lonely or think you should be, then it is too soon. Like 15:40 said, though, you know yourself better than we do. Personally, I've always known when I was rushing headlong into a stupid decision. I'm happy that in my 30s I can listen to my common sense instead of continuing down a path I know will lead to ruin. What does your gut say about this, OP?

My gut says this is the person for me. Our core values, what we want long-term, everything syncs up. Our thinking is that we'll be married by the end of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:15, just want to add that my parents are still married and recently celebrated 40 years together.

OP here. That's awesome! Exactly what I'm looking for

[Anonymous]

Yes, too early. You can't possibly know the other person well yet.

For every sweet story, there are dozens of divorce stories. Even worse, the experts would tell you to be very wary of people who come on strong and move too fast. It could be a sign of a LOT of problems. It's widely considered a red flag.

Why the rush anyhow? Slow down and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Way too early. I would see this as a huge red flag. You can certainly have those feelings, but I would wait at least a year before committing to a life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Way too early. I would see this as a huge red flag. You can certainly have those feelings, but I would wait at least a year before committing to a life together.

Agree. Impossible to know each other well enough at this stage. In this day and age, I would also be very cautious and learn as much as you can about the other person's finances and legal issues if any.

[Anonymous]

Do either of you have kids? That's a huge factor.

[Anonymous]

Honestly we go married after 6 months in early 20s and have a really successful marriage. Some people know and at decisive. Others need time. Nothing wrong with either.

[Anonymous]

That is really early.