How far do you let your 1st to 3rd grader walk w/o adult to a friend's house?

[Anonymous]

I let my 8yo go around the block to a friend's house, but only if the playdate was already arranged (sometimes only a few minutes prior) and I ask the parents to call as all as my child arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Oh give me a fucking break. I love how helicopter parents think some kids are just roaming the neighborhood because their parents don't want to spend time with them. That is how you rationalize your paranoia of letting your kids possibly go off and play. A child taking initiative to go find friends to play with is a GOOD thing and I won't be the Mommy who has to call/text another Mommy to allow it. The initiative, determination, courage to walk, be aware of their surroundings, knocking on doors and asking permission for a friend to come outside and play ARE LEARNING SKILLS that kids should have years before coddling parents allow them to. If you think your child can not do it is because you have held their hand, worried them with fear or have done so much for them they are oblivious as to how to actually do anything themselves.

If all the kids are playing outside, fine, but kids should not be knocking on doors asking anything as kids. You contact parent first.

At what age, in your mind, can a child initiate something eg, knock on doors or set up a get together, without mom or dad calling the other parent first? 10? 15? 20?

Old enough that they don't need supervision. And even then a quick heads up text would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

Are you real or a troll? I kind of hope the former; it's thrilling to imagine there are people this unpleasant out there in the world, living normal lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

Are you real or a troll? I kind of hope the former; it's thrilling to imagine there are people this unpleasant out there in the world, living normal lives.

LOL. I wonder if their house has a "no solicitors" sign AND a "kids keep away" sign on his/her front door. In my day there were signs on people's doors that were identified as safe houses for kids to go if the kid encountered a dangerous problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

I don't understand why people like this live in a city. Why not move to the middle of nowhere so you can be alone and not have to scream at the kids to get off your lawn?

My DD's BFF lives a few houses down. She comes and knocks on our door all the time. Sometimes it's to invite DD over, sometimes it's to see if they can play in our yard. I love that she has a good friend nearby and honestly half the time don't even notice she's there. We have curfews set in place to make sure there is time for homework and dinner and family time. And if if's a bad time or I need for the friend to go home, I just say, "Larla, I have to ask you to go home because we need to do (whatever)." and she goes home. If she knocks and it's a bad time DD or I will tell her so. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

What do you need to "deal" with my unsupervised kid roaming the neighborhood? If you don't want them to come in, just say "not today, please call next time". If you don't like kids playing in your yard, you really should live in an apt or as a PP stated, a rural area where the houses are miles apart. Get a big sign that says "keep off my yard, you Brats!" I'm sure you'll be a big hit in the neighborhood.

Thankfully, my kids aren't going to your house because the parent doesn't send my kids away every time. The mom I spoke to was happy that kids were going over to each other's houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Oh give me a fucking break. I love how helicopter parents think some kids are just roaming the neighborhood because their parents don't want to spend time with them. That is how you rationalize your paranoia of letting your kids possibly go off and play. A child taking initiative to go find friends to play with is a GOOD thing and I won't be the Mommy who has to call/text another Mommy to allow it. The initiative, determination, courage to walk, be aware of their surroundings, knocking on doors and asking permission for a friend to come outside and play ARE LEARNING SKILLS that kids should have years before coddling parents allow them to. If you think your child can not do it is because you have held their hand, worried them with fear or have done so much for them they are oblivious as to how to actually do anything themselves.

If all the kids are playing outside, fine, but kids should not be knocking on doors asking anything as kids. You contact parent first.

At what age, in your mind, can a child initiate something eg, knock on doors or set up a get together, without mom or dad calling the other parent first? 10? 15? 20?

Old enough that they don't need supervision. And even then a quick heads up text would be appreciated.

My child is 6 and she doesn't need supervision. She plays outside with friends all the time and I don't stare at them or hold their hands. They also walk home from the bus stop alone. Some of you parents are complete freaks with so much fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Oh give me a fucking break. I love how helicopter parents think some kids are just roaming the neighborhood because their parents don't want to spend time with them. That is how you rationalize your paranoia of letting your kids possibly go off and play. A child taking initiative to go find friends to play with is a GOOD thing and I won't be the Mommy who has to call/text another Mommy to allow it. The initiative, determination, courage to walk, be aware of their surroundings, knocking on doors and asking permission for a friend to come outside and play ARE LEARNING SKILLS that kids should have years before coddling parents allow them to. If you think your child can not do it is because you have held their hand, worried them with fear or have done so much for them they are oblivious as to how to actually do anything themselves.

If all the kids are playing outside, fine, but kids should not be knocking on doors asking anything as kids. You contact parent first.

At what age, in your mind, can a child initiate something eg, knock on doors or set up a get together, without mom or dad calling the other parent first? 10? 15? 20?

Old enough that they don't need supervision. And even then a quick heads up text would be appreciated.

And what age is no supervision for you? Because obviously you make all the rules up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

This. I can't imagine living in a neighborhood where I have to coordinate/text with a parent living three doors down just so our kids can play together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Why does this bother you? When they come knocking, just let your kid out to go play together. Ride bikes, sidewalk chalk, basketball, even "gasp" use their imagination and wander outside. No one is asking you to babysit the child but my guess is you can't let go of watching YOUR child's every move and you are judging the other mom for doing so.

I wouldn't allow my 1st grader to play outside alone so I would have to drop everything and go with him or have the child in my home. I do not allow my 1st grader to wander alone. I am not that poster but I agree its rude. Parent should call or text the other parent and ask if it is ok. Or, better, if they want the kids to play offer to host and supervise. And, if you do send the child, teach them the parent has a right to say no without explanation and next time follow up with the parent to make sure they can invite themselves over. If you are sending your child to another house without having a standing agreement, yes, you are looking for free babysitting. I've had parents get really annoyed at me for saying no. We are usually doing homework, eating or something else and I am not wanting to entertain your kid while mine does what they need to do.

Why would it be free babysitting? My 1st grader is absolutely old enough to play in the yard or in the house with a friend without me having to entertain or really even supervise anyone.

I feel SO bad for kids whose parents are constantly hovering over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming you let your 1st to 3rd grader walk to a friend's house in the neighborhood, a) how far can they walk without an adult, b) do they only walk without an adult in certain situations (eg, to/from school, only if a sibling/friend walks along, and c) what kind of area do you live in (eg, exburb, suburb, town/neighborhood within the beltway, DC, etc).

a. If they're doing the traditional "go wander our street and see who can play" type deal or just hanging out in our yard, they must stay on our (quiet, non-cut through) street. If it's an arranged thing, where the other parent knows they're coming and can text me as a heads up once they've arrived/are heading home, they can go a few streets over as long as they stay within our neighborhood itself.
b. They walk to and from school without an adult (5 min walk, no busy streets) but always together or with a friend.
c. Residential area of Bethesda

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8 yo knocks regularly on the door on one friend, unannounced. This kid comes to our house unannounced just as much. If either are busy they return home. Sometimes they play for 10 minutes. Yesterday it was 3 hours. I think it's wonderful to have a friend so close and I love not having to coordinate play dates anymore.

+1. If you don't want the kid there, just say "we can't right now". NBD. I've done this once or twice. I also love that we don't have to "schedule" a playdate, and kids can just be kids, roaming the neighborhood, looking for someone to play with. Everything else in their lives are so scheduled. I'm happy to have this one thing not be scheduled so much. It gives the kids skills to seek out playmates, things to do, without parents scheduling it for them.

That is your family value. You are missing not everyone feels like dealing with your unsupervised roaming kids. Tell your brats to keep off others property too. I get so sick of kids playing in our yard uninvited. It is not a playground. You may be ok with kids knocking on your door, but not everyone wants the disruption. Someone may be sick/sleeping or something else going on. Call first. Every time your kid knocks, I will send them away telling them to call first. At some point, they do it enough, I assume something is wrong with that kid and family and they are not welcome in our home.

Are you real or a troll? I kind of hope the former; it's thrilling to imagine there are people this unpleasant out there in the world, living normal lives.

LOL. I wonder if their house has a "no solicitors" sign AND a "kids keep away" sign on his/her front door. In my day there were signs on people's doors that were identified as safe houses for kids to go if the kid encountered a dangerous problem.

There is a difference from a kid coming over because they have a problem and just to play at odd hours as the parents want free child care/break from their kids. One neighbor kid comes over if he doesn't want to be alone or forgets his key (we usually have one but he will forget to give it back). That's fine but no, I don't want your kid knocking at dinner/homework time saying mom said it was ok to come over when mom never asked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Why does this bother you? When they come knocking, just let your kid out to go play together. Ride bikes, sidewalk chalk, basketball, even "gasp" use their imagination and wander outside. No one is asking you to babysit the child but my guess is you can't let go of watching YOUR child's every move and you are judging the other mom for doing so.

I wouldn't allow my 1st grader to play outside alone so I would have to drop everything and go with him or have the child in my home. I do not allow my 1st grader to wander alone. I am not that poster but I agree its rude. Parent should call or text the other parent and ask if it is ok. Or, better, if they want the kids to play offer to host and supervise. And, if you do send the child, teach them the parent has a right to say no without explanation and next time follow up with the parent to make sure they can invite themselves over. If you are sending your child to another house without having a standing agreement, yes, you are looking for free babysitting. I've had parents get really annoyed at me for saying no. We are usually doing homework, eating or something else and I am not wanting to entertain your kid while mine does what they need to do.

Why would it be free babysitting? My 1st grader is absolutely old enough to play in the yard or in the house with a friend without me having to entertain or really even supervise anyone.

I feel SO bad for kids whose parents are constantly hovering over them.

Its not hovering to supervise a 6 year old. Its neglectful not to. Bad things do happen, though you may want to pretend they do not. It is free babysitting. You are not asking the kids to your house, you are sending your kid over to someone else house to play there and be fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PSA: please don't send your 1st-3rd graders to neighbors' houses without asking the neighbors first. A family is doing this in my neighborhood and it drives me nuts. I think the parent just wants some free time and tells the kids to walk to a friend's house. At first I thought some parents were okay with it but now I realize all the parents in our area are annoyed with them for it.

Oh give me a fucking break. I love how helicopter parents think some kids are just roaming the neighborhood because their parents don't want to spend time with them. That is how you rationalize your paranoia of letting your kids possibly go off and play. A child taking initiative to go find friends to play with is a GOOD thing and I won't be the Mommy who has to call/text another Mommy to allow it. The initiative, determination, courage to walk, be aware of their surroundings, knocking on doors and asking permission for a friend to come outside and play ARE LEARNING SKILLS that kids should have years before coddling parents allow them to. If you think your child can not do it is because you have held their hand, worried them with fear or have done so much for them they are oblivious as to how to actually do anything themselves.

If all the kids are playing outside, fine, but kids should not be knocking on doors asking anything as kids. You contact parent first.

At what age, in your mind, can a child initiate something eg, knock on doors or set up a get together, without mom or dad calling the other parent first? 10? 15? 20?

Old enough that they don't need supervision. And even then a quick heads up text would be appreciated.

For my kids and pretty much all of the kids in the neighborhood, that age is 6 or 7.