my teen daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I have the same issue with my 14 year old DD, but she has been disrespectful for a while now. This morning I had a total meltdown myself, I mean kids,two teens, totally deserved it, but I was so fed up. She will argue about any single thing, so will my son, they are lazy even though I am always asking nicely and then nicely and then nicely and then I go nuts. I feel bad about it, but unless I go nuts nothing is done, socks on the floors and clothes all over the house, like family and living room, and even on kitchen table, towels thrown on the floor after one use, or just shoved, comments like all my friends are even messier and cousins too, comments that I am crazy. DH who is now overseas is no help and in fact laments with kids that I am crazy, and then says I just say that and he would also prefer me never to lose my temper and it is best if I just do everything. I am seriously about to ship both my teens to boarding school! My son yelled at me this morning like nuts for making a "big issue over nothing" and in fact over the last week he has lost over 400 dollars worth of clothing and electronics and refuses to take responsibility for all of this, and again I am crazy. Then DH is asking me what is going on and what I should do about it, and then talks to kids about crazy mom! My DH is non confrontational and a push over to even my kids but the only person he isn't like that with is me. If he wasn't otherwise a great husband, obviously terrible in these issues, I would've ditched him years ago!

THis was a problem in my house, too. We sat down and had a family meeting - DH was on board before hand.
We discussed expectations about how much they need to help around the house and that they - now young teenagers - are responsible for their stuff. Plus their last minute emergency is not mine.

The deal was - they were responsible for picking up their stuff before they went to bed in the downstairs areas and their bathroom. If they left things out, they were mine. I put them in a box somewhere in the house. They could buy back their stuff - ie. pay for for picking it up with either additional chores or $2 item.

They paid me a lot of money at first but now things are much better!

[Anonymous]

DD is 14 and in high school.
I am having the toughest time dealing with her.
she is very preoccupied with her cell phone.
Tells everything last minute (like forms to be filled and signed...)
she had all A's in first and second quarter.
This third quarter interim, there are some B's and A-.
Her insults and disrespect for me is hurting me.
DD does not do a single house chore even upon multiple requests.
I understand that she has lots of homework and project work.
It was easier to converse with her earlier. Just last month or so, her whole attitude changed.

DH is not very helpful.
When DD yells and screams, he is okay with it.
but when I reply back by yelling, DH asks me to keep quiet.
I am feeling miserable.

Any feedback is helpful.

OP:
Freshman year in HS is a very difficult year socially. Is it possible your DD is depressed about something? You may want to sit down and gently ask if she's okay, because you've noticed a change in her. Let her know you love her, and that you hope she knows she can always talk to you. If she opens up, listen--she might just need to vent.

I wouldn't focus on the other stuff--chores, etc.--until you're sure there's nothing bigger going on. However, I agree that phones need to stay in the kitchen overnight....kids get texts at all hours otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. I have the same issue with my 14 year old DD, but she has been disrespectful for a while now. This morning I had a total meltdown myself, I mean kids,two teens, totally deserved it, but I was so fed up. She will argue about any single thing, so will my son, they are lazy even though I am always asking nicely and then nicely and then nicely and then I go nuts. I feel bad about it, but unless I go nuts nothing is done, socks on the floors and clothes all over the house, like family and living room, and even on kitchen table, towels thrown on the floor after one use, or just shoved, comments like all my friends are even messier and cousins too, comments that I am crazy. DH who is now overseas is no help and in fact laments with kids that I am crazy, and then says I just say that and he would also prefer me never to lose my temper and it is best if I just do everything. I am seriously about to ship both my teens to boarding school! My son yelled at me this morning like nuts for making a "big issue over nothing" and in fact over the last week he has lost over 400 dollars worth of clothing and electronics and refuses to take responsibility for all of this, and again I am crazy. Then DH is asking me what is going on and what I should do about it, and then talks to kids about crazy mom! My DH is non confrontational and a push over to even my kids but the only person he isn't like that with is me. If he wasn't otherwise a great husband, obviously terrible in these issues, I would've ditched him years ago!

THis was a problem in my house, too. We sat down and had a family meeting - DH was on board before hand.
We discussed expectations about how much they need to help around the house and that they - now young teenagers - are responsible for their stuff. Plus their last minute emergency is not mine.

The deal was - they were responsible for picking up their stuff before they went to bed in the downstairs areas and their bathroom. If they left things out, they were mine. I put them in a box somewhere in the house. They could buy back their stuff - ie. pay for for picking it up with either additional chores or $2 item.

They paid me a lot of money at first but now things are much better!

That is a very good advice! Thank you. I think I will start to enforce this rule. When they were toddlers 1,2,3 magic worked but I stuck to it like glue. If they fought in a car over a toy and didn't stop after a warning and then 1,2,3 I would pull over to the first dumpster and throw it away. For real and first time they just were so silent and stunned it didn't take long for them to see I was serious. But somehow as time passed by it seems I forgot to be consistent or it was just easier to ignore it and now I have this issue. I will see how this works with my two teens. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

I read about how one mom got so tired of her tweens/teens not cleaning their stuff, she warned them she'd sell their stuff on ebay if they didn't clean it up. And she did.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have 2 most powerful weapons in the world: 1) checkbook and 2) car. Cancel the phone, don't pay for any of the crap she wants, never take her to the mall. Get her where it hurts. Once you got her attention, you can negotiate.

[Anonymous]

Parent of three teens here - it has been posted on this board before but I highly recommend the book, "Yes Your Teen Is Crazy." GET IT TODAY!! Like click right on over to Amazon.