My 9 year old daughter gained 9lbs in the past six months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No big deal. I don't even understand why you are freaking out.

Because according to her doctor, she is officially overweight. I shouldn't be concerned about having an overweight child?

I think this depends. Is this the first time she has measured as overweight? If yes, then watch and wait. She could be gaining weight for a big growth spurt. I did at that age. Not to mention, BMI isn't very accurate for children.

If she continues a trend of
being overweight for several years then you have a problem. But, does she LOOK overweight? She dances a lot - could that weight be muscle?

Yes, she looks chubby.

[Anonymous]

Portion control

[Anonymous]

She is 9 years old. It is her mom's job and duty to do everything she can to make her healthy. My niece is now very overweight at 16, her parents did nothing for years and she was overweight since 6 years old. She spent months in a hospital, is on medication and harming herself. She switches schools non stop due to self esteem issues and maybe it all could've been prevented if parents got involved earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yet she eats healthy and takes dance class 4 nights a week. I've noticed the weight gain, but she had a doctor's appointment today, and this is how I found out. Her BMI is 87th percentile, so she is technically overweight. I am beating myself up over having let her gain this much weight, but the truth is, she really doesn't eat badly at all. I don't keep chips or sweets in the house, we don't do juice, rarely eat fast food and when we do always get the fruit cup instead of fries. No one in our family is overweight. I just don't understand how this happened.

You don't control her weight. Please repeat that to yourself. You don't control her weight.

You do have some control over her physical activity. You do have some control over the food she has access to. (If you try to control how much she eats, you're putting her at risk of disordered eating.) You do not control her weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she's not eating at school? Charts show that girls that age usually need about 1700 calories a day to maintain weight. If she's dancing a lot (4 nights a week seems like she's competitive), she probably needs at least 2,000. What you are showing is...

Oatmeal + skim milk + fruit = approx. 300 calories
Sandwich + granola bar + yogurt = approximately 400 calories (These estimations are generous)

So .. basically, that's 700 calories. I can't imagine dinner that you say is healthy is over 1,000 calories, plus that isn't including the activity she's getting.

Bottom line, either something is up with what you say you give her, or she's eating elsewhere. Let this be a tale of caution... I was your daughter. At around 9, I got chubby. My Mom noticed and instead of just rolling with it, she monitored everything that went into my mouth. No chips or sweets either (heaven forbid). By the time I was 13, she enrolled me in weight watchers. I lost 20 pounds (also got my period and shot up a few inches) and have had an incredibly awful time with food, weight, and my body image and self worth for the last 20 years. Therapy is just now starting to make a difference in how I view myself (I'm a size 6, so fairly average but always view myself as a COW). PLEASE, I'm begging you - roll with it. Let the doctor's figure it out if it continues to happen with no apparent cause. She will grow out of it. What she will never grow out of is how you make her feel, if you handle it wrong. And bring some chips and sweets into the house occasionally. Moderation is key. Good luck.

As someone who grew up in the opposite scenario, I politely differ. I gained the same amount of weight at the same age, and my parents didn't get on my case (although I know they noticed), and just waved it away as baby fat. They thought it would go away with a growth spurt. It did not, and I struggle to this day. And yes, all the extra weight came form surreptitious snacking and buying junk food at school. Honestly, this is just a tricky problem where there's no right move. PP's mom monitored her, mine backed off, and we both ended up in the same place.

OP, I agree that the extra calories are happening at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do this to her. If she is eating well and exercising just let nature take it's course. She is going to grow up and out several times in the next few years. She could also be developing more muscle mass at this age - especially if she is dancing rigorously. Just continue help her develop good lifetime habits and eating choices and don't push your body image concerns ("I don't understand how this happened") onto her.

This!!! My daughter got a little pudgy at around age 9, then she thinned out and grew taller. She's now almost 11 and is getting pudgy again, so I think she's hitting another growth spurt. You are doing all the right things!

[Anonymous]

What do you mean when you say pudgy? How pudgy? Most of these kids aren't starving and needing to gain weight to grown, what happened to being skinny as kids? It used to be the norm and now it is the exception. Somehow, non pudgy kids grew too. I think there is some kind of collective avoidance issue with weight problems in the US. I mean if parents are very pudgy, then it is ok for kids to be a little pudgy? Being heavy is no a status symbol like in some other countries. Here is a woman who is trying to do right by her DD and people are telling her that it is ok for her daughter to be overweight at 9 years old! What does pudgy means? Are we afraid to say overweight? And why is it ok for heavy people to judge skinny people but not vice versa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean when you say pudgy? How pudgy? Most of these kids aren't starving and needing to gain weight to grown, what happened to being skinny as kids? It used to be the norm and now it is the exception. Somehow, non pudgy kids grew too. I think there is some kind of collective avoidance issue with weight problems in the US. I mean if parents are very pudgy, then it is ok for kids to be a little pudgy? Being heavy is no a status symbol like in some other countries. Here is a woman who is trying to do right by her DD and people are telling her that it is ok for her daughter to be overweight at 9 years old! What does pudgy means? Are we afraid to say overweight? And why is it ok for heavy people to judge skinny people but not vice versa?

Kids got pudgy before puberty back then too.

You have rose colored glasses and a distorted memory if you think that kids back then didn't have this happen to their bodies before puberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean when you say pudgy? How pudgy? Most of these kids aren't starving and needing to gain weight to grown, what happened to being skinny as kids? It used to be the norm and now it is the exception. Somehow, non pudgy kids grew too. I think there is some kind of collective avoidance issue with weight problems in the US. I mean if parents are very pudgy, then it is ok for kids to be a little pudgy? Being heavy is no a status symbol like in some other countries. Here is a woman who is trying to do right by her DD and people are telling her that it is ok for her daughter to be overweight at 9 years old! What does pudgy means? Are we afraid to say overweight? And why is it ok for heavy people to judge skinny people but not vice versa?

Thank you. It's incredibly frustrating to come here and voice my concerns and be attacked for actually caring that my child is overweight. I agree that she's getting extra calories elsewhere. Teachers at school frequently give out candy as rewards, her dance studio gives out candy, her Girl Scout troop that meets immediately after school gives out a snack, and of course when she goes to friends houses there's no telling what she's eating. But that just seems to be a part of the culture that we live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal. I don't even understand why you are freaking out.

I do. She said the child's BMI is 87th percentile. We have an obesity problem with youth in this country and her BMI is higher than 87% of other children.

Granted BMI is an imperfect measure. But I understand why she is alarmed.

[Anonymous]

I should also mention that I don't think she's really getting a lot of exercise in her dance classes. With the exception of hip hop which is only once a week, the other classes are definitely not cardio, although they probably are somewhat strength building.

[Anonymous]

She is eating almost all carbs. Switch out the cereal and get rid of the granola bar. Also I'm thinking your statement that she always gets the fruit cup instead of fries is a bit of a red flag. Where does she do this? What else is she eating there. Don't deprive her of the occasional fry, but realize that when it is becoming habitual. What does she drink? What does she have for dinner? What are the portion sizes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is eating almost all carbs. Switch out the cereal and get rid of the granola bar. Also I'm thinking your statement that she always gets the fruit cup instead of fries is a bit of a red flag. Where does she do this? What else is she eating there. Don't deprive her of the occasional fry, but realize that when it is becoming habitual. What does she drink? What does she have for dinner? What are the portion sizes?

She eats meat at dinner. I'd like to give her more protein at breakfast but she doesn't like eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. It's incredibly frustrating to come here and voice my concerns and be attacked for actually caring that my child is overweight. I agree that she's getting extra calories elsewhere. Teachers at school frequently give out candy as rewards, her dance studio gives out candy, her Girl Scout troop that meets immediately after school gives out a snack, and of course when she goes to friends houses there's no telling what she's eating. But that just seems to be a part of the culture that we live in.

That's not what people are saying, though. Why do you perceive that you are being attacked? Maybe think about that.

If you think that she's eating too much candy, talk to her about that. But if I were you, I would not frame it as, "Don't eat candy, it will make you fat." I would frame it as, "Candy is a very occasional treat, not a regular part of a healthy diet." Because the issue is health, right?

Also, keep in mind that you cannot control what she eats. Only she can control that. And the more you try to control what she eats, the more you'll drive her to eat things you don't want her to eat.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty normal. I was rail thin up until age 10-11 where I became pudgy. I was in the swim team so was swimming 4-5 evenings a week, ate healthy (my parents were health nuts) but it made no difference. Right around 13, I got my period, shot up in height (but not weight) and was rail thin again - 5'6" and 95lbs until college where I gained 10 lbs ?

If her doctor is not concerned, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just make sure you don't make a big deal about her weight. I had terribly low self esteem because my dad constantly commented on my chubbiness, so much so that I thought I was still fat and ugly at 95lbs. I still have a hard time with weight and feel fat and disgusting even when other people think I'm thin and look good. what you do and say will have a lasting impact and can be very damaging.