I was "ghosted" by my boyfriend of almost a year....

[Anonymous]

Long distance romances rarely work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an absolutely horrible thing to do to someone. He is an asshole. Or totally screwed up from a massively dysfunctional family, like the previous poster. Or both. I am sorry you wasted a year on him, but be glad you're rid of him. You don't want to date someone who has such cowardly and callous communication skills.

Op here- oh he definitely has a very dysfunctional family. No relationship with his mom and his father has a drug and alcohol problem and they barely talk.

A lot of children of alcoholics are conflict adverse, as learned, self-protective behavior.

A primer: http://www.searidgealcoholrehab.com/article-adult-children-of-alcoholics.php

Don't take it personally. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I also got ghosted on recently by a guy I dated for 7 months. He dumped on Valentine's Day via text. No real reason except "I'm going through some stuff."

Absolutely no contact for two weeks, then a couple of I miss you's. Nothing else. Very sad and hurtful.

Can't believe I'm saying this cause it makes me feel so old, but is this a generational thing? I'm 45 and can't imagine this sort of thing.

He's 43 and I'm 40. So I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I also got ghosted on recently by a guy I dated for 7 months. He dumped on Valentine's Day via text. No real reason except "I'm going through some stuff."

Absolutely no contact for two weeks, then a couple of I miss you's. Nothing else. Very sad and hurtful.

Can't believe I'm saying this cause it makes me feel so old, but is this a generational thing? I'm 45 and can't imagine this sort of thing.

He's 43 and I'm 40. So I don't think so.

Not PP but my goodness this makes it so much worse to me! No excuses for him. You dodged more than just a bullet OP, you dodged a hail of semi-automatic gunfire! Seriously, don't even look back on this one.

[Anonymous]

op here- thanks for all the nice comments.

Regarding our "rough patch", it honestly had nothing to do with me really. Around Christmas time, we started arguing a lot and then I found out hr was talking to a married woman 10 years older then him that lives across the country, through some stupid game he plays on his phone. He claimed it was innocent but I didn't see it that way. He cut all communication with her but I was having issues trusting him and told him he'd have to understand that. He claimed he did and would try his hardest to get me to trust him again but I'm assuming he got sick of me having trust issues and just chose to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here- thanks for all the nice comments.

Regarding our "rough patch", it honestly had nothing to do with me really. Around Christmas time, we started arguing a lot and then I found out hr was talking to a married woman 10 years older then him that lives across the country, through some stupid game he plays on his phone. He claimed it was innocent but I didn't see it that way. He cut all communication with her but I was having issues trusting him and told him he'd have to understand that. He claimed he did and would try his hardest to get me to trust him again but I'm assuming he got sick of me having trust issues and just chose to do this.

Have you posted before? This story sounds familiar.
I'm sorry but he was lying to you, I'm sure he never stopped communicating with that woman. He wasn't ready to end your relationship yet so he didn't. There is nothing you could've done to make him stay, you shouldn't have worked out your "trust issues" faster or anything like that. The only thing you did that you should consider changing in the future is not listening to your gut or heeding warning signs. He was not the one for you!

[Anonymous]

He didn't change his number, he blocked your number.

[Anonymous]

My BF of 6 years did this to me (dated end of HS and all through college). I was hurt and devastated beyond belief but in the long run it was a blessing. There was no "what did he really mean when he said x," or "is there a chance he may want to reconcile."

He did it because he was a p***y but it enabled me to get myself back out on the dating scene with no "what ifs". I dated a ton and after a year met DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here- thanks for all the nice comments.

Regarding our "rough patch", it honestly had nothing to do with me really. Around Christmas time, we started arguing a lot and then I found out hr was talking to a married woman 10 years older then him that lives across the country, through some stupid game he plays on his phone. He claimed it was innocent but I didn't see it that way. He cut all communication with her but I was having issues trusting him and told him he'd have to understand that. He claimed he did and would try his hardest to get me to trust him again but I'm assuming he got sick of me having trust issues and just chose to do this.

Have you posted before? This story sounds familiar.
I'm sorry but he was lying to you, I'm sure he never stopped communicating with that woman. He wasn't ready to end your relationship yet so he didn't. There is nothing you could've done to make him stay, you shouldn't have worked out your "trust issues" faster or anything like that. The only thing you did that you should consider changing in the future is not listening to your gut or heeding warning signs. He was not the one for you!

YES! sounds like the post from the other day where the woman was play phone games and wanted to know if her husband should be concerned about her texting with those online gaming friends privately without her husband knowing. Everyone said that it is not a problem. So, I guess that in this case OP over reacted because DCUMs has spoken with regard to texting with cross country online friends without the S.O knowing.

OP. he got tired of your drama over this non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he happen to mention going hunting for bobcats?

My first thought as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is an absolutely horrible thing to do to someone. He is an asshole. Or totally screwed up from a massively dysfunctional family, like the previous poster. Or both. I am sorry you wasted a year on him, but be glad you're rid of him. You don't want to date someone who has such cowardly and callous communication skills.

Op here- oh he definitely has a very dysfunctional family. No relationship with his mom and his father has a drug and alcohol problem and they barely talk.

A lot of children of alcoholics are conflict adverse, as learned, self-protective behavior.

A primer: http://www.searidgealcoholrehab.com/article-adult-children-of-alcoholics.php

Don't take it personally. Move on.

Indeed. +1

I was "ghosted" by a woman I was in an LDR with for ~20 months - same MO: just packed up her stuff and disappeared without so much as a note while I was at work. I had to go collect my things from her front porch that weekend. Yes, you dodged a bullet; these people are the walking wounded and she came from a pretty dysfunctional family (father was a big alcoholic). It most definitely is not just "men" who pull this kind of stunt.

It is cowardly and you did dodge a bullet, because can you imagine trying to handle difficult life situations and challenges with someone who is like this? In hindsight I realized how much of the "rough patch" that ex and I were having was a function of some of her commitment issues (yes, I have my own issues too). I still haven't decided if she was pushing me away trying to get me to dump her because things were getting too close...though honestly, I don't think much about it any more. You'll get to this place too with time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda did this to a GF back in the day. I hate confrontation and arguments (alcoholic parents ...), so I just bugged out. I didn't want the drama of a breakup. Was it the mature, upfront, manly way of doing it? No. Am I proud of it? No. Did I take the easy way out? Yes. Guilty as charged.

My husband is like this - alcoholic parents too. Hmmmm.
It's difficult for him to do things like parent teenagers now I have found and also instead of discussing things in our relationship he would just shut down. Sometimes for a long time.
So - it's easier to not be in love/marry someone like this. Thank your lucky stars for the heads up and find a better fish in the sea. This one stinks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I also got ghosted on recently by a guy I dated for 7 months. He dumped on Valentine's Day via text. No real reason except "I'm going through some stuff."

Absolutely no contact for two weeks, then a couple of I miss you's. Nothing else. Very sad and hurtful.

Can't believe I'm saying this cause it makes me feel so old, but is this a generational thing? I'm 45 and can't imagine this sort of thing.

I am a PP, they guy who did this to me was 60. SIXTY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He didn't change his number, he blocked your number.

Op here- no, he changed it. I tried calling him from a friends number who he doesn't know and it was the same message.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to check your credit report to make sure that he hasn't taken a credit card out in your name or something like that. Such a hasty cut off of all communication would raise red flags with me that something could be up.