Would you tell the parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are friends with this girl's mom why don't you say something to HER? If this were your daughter would you want another parent (a *friend*) telling the school guidance counselor about this?

Unless you think there might be some troubling family dynamics that require professional intervention I would say something to your friend ASAP. And I would try my best to keep the identity of who told you about this a secret - this is hard because you certainly don't want there to be any backlash on this young friend for speaking up and telling you about it. I think so much has to do with how you think your friend might react to all of this....

Oh, just realized you are friends with a friend of the mom. You don't know the mom personally. That is a tough one.

I think if I were that mom I would be grateful for someone telling me about it. It would be really weird to hear it from a stranger though. But I think it would be worse to hear it from the school.

I'm kind of leaning towards maybe going to our mutual friend (who knows us both) and asking her to come with me to tell this mom about it. If the friend that knows this mom will not take the news well, I might opt to go to the counselor at the school instead. It's a tough one.

[Anonymous]

OP,

If you have not already done so, you should verify this information with the child who told you. Is she being truthful? Is she worried about her friend? Only you can get a gut feeling about this - we don't know her.

Once you are sure, tell the parents, and tell the school counselor. Both, because sex at 13 is not the norm, and the parents might have something to do with it.

If for some reason you are not sure, at least tell the school counselor. Someone should be able to reach this girl and this boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friends with this girl's mom why don't you say something to HER? If this were your daughter would you want another parent (a *friend*) telling the school guidance counselor about this?

Unless you think there might be some troubling family dynamics that require professional intervention I would say something to your friend ASAP. And I would try my best to keep the identity of who told you about this a secret - this is hard because you certainly don't want there to be any backlash on this young friend for speaking up and telling you about it. I think so much has to do with how you think your friend might react to all of this....

Oh, just realized you are friends with a friend of the mom. You don't know the mom personally. That is a tough one.

I think if I were that mom I would be grateful for someone telling me about it. It would be really weird to hear it from a stranger though. But I think it would be worse to hear it from the school.

I'm kind of leaning towards maybe going to our mutual friend (who knows us both) and asking her to come with me to tell this mom about it. If the friend that knows this mom will not take the news well, I might opt to go to the counselor at the school instead. It's a tough one.

Are you sock-puppeting, OP?

[Anonymous]

I would tell but also tell the mom - "I just want to let you know I'm not judging you and won't discuss this with anyone else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friends with this girl's mom why don't you say something to HER? If this were your daughter would you want another parent (a *friend*) telling the school guidance counselor about this?

Unless you think there might be some troubling family dynamics that require professional intervention I would say something to your friend ASAP. And I would try my best to keep the identity of who told you about this a secret - this is hard because you certainly don't want there to be any backlash on this young friend for speaking up and telling you about it. I think so much has to do with how you think your friend might react to all of this....

Oh, just realized you are friends with a friend of the mom. You don't know the mom personally. That is a tough one.

I think if I were that mom I would be grateful for someone telling me about it. It would be really weird to hear it from a stranger though. But I think it would be worse to hear it from the school.

I'm kind of leaning towards maybe going to our mutual friend (who knows us both) and asking her to come with me to tell this mom about it. If the friend that knows this mom will not take the news well, I might opt to go to the counselor at the school instead. It's a tough one.

I wouldn't go to the mutual friend -- that's too much like gossiping about something very intimate.

And don't send an anonymous email -- that's just creepy.

My children are much younger, but I think I'd want to hear this, even if it came from a friend of a friend/former elementary school parent. You're clearly in the same social circle, since the girl's friend confided in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friends with this girl's mom why don't you say something to HER? If this were your daughter would you want another parent (a *friend*) telling the school guidance counselor about this?

Unless you think there might be some troubling family dynamics that require professional intervention I would say something to your friend ASAP. And I would try my best to keep the identity of who told you about this a secret - this is hard because you certainly don't want there to be any backlash on this young friend for speaking up and telling you about it. I think so much has to do with how you think your friend might react to all of this....

Oh, just realized you are friends with a friend of the mom. You don't know the mom personally. That is a tough one.

I think if I were that mom I would be grateful for someone telling me about it. It would be really weird to hear it from a stranger though. But I think it would be worse to hear it from the school.

I'm kind of leaning towards maybe going to our mutual friend (who knows us both) and asking her to come with me to tell this mom about it. If the friend that knows this mom will not take the news well, I might opt to go to the counselor at the school instead. It's a tough one.

Are you sock-puppeting, OP?

No, not the Op. Not sock puppeting although I can see how it kind of looks like that from the way I worded that post. I meant if it were *me* in Op's shoes, I would lean towards telling my mutual friend and asking her to come with me to break the news to this mom. If the mutual friend thought that wasn't a good idea, then I would call the counselor at the school.

At first I thought that Op was friends with the girl's mom. Then I realized that Op is friends with a friend who knows the mom....I was confused. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are friends with this girl's mom why don't you say something to HER? If this were your daughter would you want another parent (a *friend*) telling the school guidance counselor about this?

Unless you think there might be some troubling family dynamics that require professional intervention I would say something to your friend ASAP. And I would try my best to keep the identity of who told you about this a secret - this is hard because you certainly don't want there to be any backlash on this young friend for speaking up and telling you about it. I think so much has to do with how you think your friend might react to all of this....

Oh, just realized you are friends with a friend of the mom. You don't know the mom personally. That is a tough one.

I think if I were that mom I would be grateful for someone telling me about it. It would be really weird to hear it from a stranger though. But I think it would be worse to hear it from the school.

I'm kind of leaning towards maybe going to our mutual friend (who knows us both) and asking her to come with me to tell this mom about it. If the friend that knows this mom will not take the news well, I might opt to go to the counselor at the school instead. It's a tough one.

I wouldn't go to the mutual friend -- that's too much like gossiping about something very intimate.

And don't send an anonymous email -- that's just creepy.

My children are much younger, but I think I'd want to hear this, even if it came from a friend of a friend/former elementary school parent. You're clearly in the same social circle, since the girl's friend confided in you.

Yeah, I don't like the idea of involving the mutual friend either because it does seem like gossip. I guess it would depend on the sort of person that the mutual friend is - level headed type or gossipy hen type? Obviously you don't go to a gossipy hen with news like this. But if the mutual friend is a level headed type it might be easier to confide in her and ask for opinion at least on whether or not to tell the girl's mom. I think I would be worried about some sort of angry blow back on the young friend who had told me about it.

[Anonymous]

First off, I would NEVER tell anyone who told me.
Secondly, I just found out that girls family is moving to a different school.
Thirdly, my hesitation is multi-faceted. I do not known the mother, i don't want to spread gossip, maybe the family already knows
Finally, I believe the child who told me.

I'm going to tell my friend who knows her-she's not a hen, and suggest she tell her without me present to save an awkwardness for the mom of the girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell but also tell the mom - "I just want to let you know I'm not judging you and won't discuss this with anyone else."

Yeah - that's the rub. I have a friend who is pretty much hysterical over the untrue 'gossip' that one mom has been spreading around . Sounds like this could be THIS. Any chance all of this is not at all accurate?
Friend says this is not the first time 'gossipy mom' has spread this kind of rumor 'ALL AROUND'.
Hmmmmmmmmm

[Anonymous]

No. This came from the girls good friend. I have told no one as I don't spread anything. My sons friends trust me and they tell me A LOT of stuff. I swear I know more about what's happening in some people's homes that they do.

Now, if the girl had told me directly, and asked me to tell her mom, I would tell. But honestly, after reading all the replies I feel that I'm going to be scapegoated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's come to my attention that one of my sons female friends is having unprotected sex with her boyfriend. They are both 13. I don't know the boy, but the girl went to sons elementary school. I'm friends with one of the moms friends. What would you do?

1. You don't know if it is true for 100% certain
2. It will get your daughter in a shit load of drama and a loss of a best friend
3. Not worth it - if is was suicidal or life threatening yes, sex is no.

[Anonymous]

My daughter? Please read my post. No one gets into any trouble. I already replied in the post before yours my decision,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter? Please read my post. No one gets into any trouble. I already replied in the post before yours my decision,

Do you know the parents of the girl who told you about this? Is there any reason that she didn't go to them and came to you instead? This girl is best friends with the girl who is having unprotected sex and she has now told a trusted adult about it - YOU. I assume that you know this girl's mom? Maybe you could let this girl's mom know how worried her daughter is about her best friend?

Can you maybe encourage the girl to tell her own mom about it? And then the girl and her mother can talk to the mom in question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter? Please read my post. No one gets into any trouble. I already replied in the post before yours my decision,

What is your deal OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This came from the girls good friend. I have told no one as I don't spread anything. My sons friends trust me and they tell me A LOT of stuff. I swear I know more about what's happening in some people's homes that they do.

Now, if the girl had told me directly, and asked me to tell her mom, I would tell. But honestly, after reading all the replies I feel that I'm going to be scapegoated.

I think your concerns as a grown woman of being "scapegoated" should really be on the back burner. If you present this as "a middle schooler told me xxx, could be unfounded MS gossip, but she seemed truly concerned so I pass it along to you and no one else, to investigate as you see fit--I don't see how you can be blamed for anything. And even if you, can't you take the heat to do the right thing? Sometimes doing the right thing is hard. It just is.