My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Obviously better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP I am sorry that you are going through this tough period. I was married to someone similar. At first I felt like I had to stick by him through all the craziness - but I was far more committed to his treatment (bipolar) than he was, and he took terrible advantage of me. I finally saw a lawyer during one of his manic highs when he was off doing something "for his soul."

The divorce took awhile, but being a single mom has been a million times more stable and rewarding than I would every have guessed. The first year or two was financially really, really tough - but I am so proud of the life that I've built for my child and myself. It would never, ever have been possible with the amount of energy that I was putting into placating my ex-husband and all his self-absorbed whims. Now, I know what I'm responsible for - everything - and don't have to deal with all the unpredictable crazy that my husband brought into our lives.

Seriously, it is SO much better on this side of it all. Im glad to hear that you are meeting with a lawyer, and I hope you find a good path forward with your kiddos.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a trainwreck. You and the kids are for sure better off without him. Let him go and don't look back, OP.

[Anonymous]

You won't feel this way now, but down the road you will realize you are much better off without him. You will find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated, and you will find someone who loves your kids and can be a good father to them and think about their well-being.

If he's really saying he won't try to take the kids, see a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and get a settlement signed asap, while he's still feeling a little guilty and feeling flushed with freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flame aeay, but bipolar people should not have children or get married. They are THE WORST. Your are much better off. He has done you an enormous favor. You don't realize it now, but you will eventually.

God only knows the crap he has done that you are not aware of. Probably would be blood curdling. Beware, he will come crawling back, but have the will to resist. These maniacs have no idea what they want and rarely stay on medication.

You, PP, are the worst. Bipolar disorder is not a character flaw or a moral failing. It is a brain illness. Plenty of people who have bipolar disorder would never hurt their loved ones or cheat on their spouses. There is nothing inherent in the symptoms that means that a person who has bipolar disorder will do bad things. What an awful, ignorant thing to say.

That said, OP, your husband *does* have major character flaws in addition to his disease. And those at what would make me happy that he's gone.

On top of that, I want to echo the PP's who are warning you to take his threat of suicide very seriously. Not so that you would cave in to his demands, but to know with certainty that a man who is rapid cycling between despair and mania and has already threatened suicide and has now lost his family and support system is in an acutely lethal phase of his disease. If you know of any other source of help for him, like his parents or siblings, maybe you can reach out to warn them that his life may be at risk. But protect yourself and your children at all costs.

It sounds likely that his rapid cycling will be followed with a breakup again from his unstable AP and an attempt to return home to you. Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for this --- maybe you and the kids can go stay somewhere else for a while, if your lawyer advises that you can't change the locks.

NAMI has support groups for people with loved ones with mental illness. Even if you divorce him, you will have to co-parent with him and your kids will have a dad with bipolar disorder, so it may be a helpful resource for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flame aeay, but bipolar people should not have children or get married. They are THE WORST. Your are much better off. He has done you an enormous favor. You don't realize it now, but you will eventually.

God only knows the crap he has done that you are not aware of. Probably would be blood curdling. Beware, he will come crawling back, but have the will to resist. These maniacs have no idea what they want and rarely stay on medication.

You, PP, are the worst. Bipolar disorder is not a character flaw or a moral failing. It is a brain illness. Plenty of people who have bipolar disorder would never hurt their loved ones or cheat on their spouses. There is nothing inherent in the symptoms that means that a person who has bipolar disorder will do bad things. What an awful, ignorant thing to say.

That said, OP, your husband *does* have major character flaws in addition to his disease. And those at what would make me happy that he's gone.

On top of that, I want to echo the PP's who are warning you to take his threat of suicide very seriously. Not so that you would cave in to his demands, but to know with certainty that a man who is rapid cycling between despair and mania and has already threatened suicide and has now lost his family and support system is in an acutely lethal phase of his disease. If you know of any other source of help for him, like his parents or siblings, maybe you can reach out to warn them that his life may be at risk. But protect yourself and your children at all costs.

It sounds likely that his rapid cycling will be followed with a breakup again from his unstable AP and an attempt to return home to you. Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for this --- maybe you and the kids can go stay somewhere else for a while, if your lawyer advises that you can't change the locks.

NAMI has support groups for people with loved ones with mental illness. Even if you divorce him, you will have to co-parent with him and your kids will have a dad with bipolar disorder, so it may be a helpful resource for you.

Yiu are right, it is not a character flaw, but has the same result in the end. They ruin everything they touch.

Carry on with the PC nonsense.

[Anonymous]

I'm goI got to pray for you OP. You're doing what's best for you and the kids. Protect them and yourself. Unfortunately we can't "fix" people unless they want to fix themselves. I hope for your kids sake that their dad does go back in his meds so he can still be a good father to them. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

He sounds awful and unstable. You and your kids are better off without him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry you are in this mess. I have a bipolar relative and divorced a man with addictions and other issues. It is not uncommon for people with bipolar to go off their meds. The meds tend to have bad side effects, and the highs (mania) are actually quite enjoyable, so it can be hard to take a pill that causes bad effects and takes away the good times.

My bipolar relative is a train wreck. He was diagnosed over 20 years ago and has never been stable for more than a year or so. He has advanced degrees and is brilliant, but cannot maintain a steady job and has had brushes with the law and serious injury/death because of his illness. It is heartbreaking. It is very hard to maintain a relationship with him. He is so volatile and can be cruel.

My ex was not bipolar but has his own issues. I did not learn of the addiction until just before we split, and it was not until later that I realized how much time and energy his issues had taken away from our child and from taking care of myself. When we first split it was devastating, but over time a weight lifted and life is so much simpler and happier now.

You and your kids are about to go through a painful adjustment. But you will come out of it stronger. Right now, gather all the love and support you can.

It is great that you are meeting with a lawyer. I recommend getting a custody and property settlement agreement in place ASAP. Right now he says he will agree to you having custody, but that could easily change anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flame aeay, but bipolar people should not have children or get married. They are THE WORST. Your are much better off. He has done you an enormous favor. You don't realize it now, but you will eventually.

God only knows the crap he has done that you are not aware of. Probably would be blood curdling. Beware, he will come crawling back, but have the will to resist. These maniacs have no idea what they want and rarely stay on medication.

You, PP, are the worst. Bipolar disorder is not a character flaw or a moral failing. It is a brain illness. Plenty of people who have bipolar disorder would never hurt their loved ones or cheat on their spouses. There is nothing inherent in the symptoms that means that a person who has bipolar disorder will do bad things. What an awful, ignorant thing to say.

That said, OP, your husband *does* have major character flaws in addition to his disease. And those at what would make me happy that he's gone.

On top of that, I want to echo the PP's who are warning you to take his threat of suicide very seriously. Not so that you would cave in to his demands, but to know with certainty that a man who is rapid cycling between despair and mania and has already threatened suicide and has now lost his family and support system is in an acutely lethal phase of his disease. If you know of any other source of help for him, like his parents or siblings, maybe you can reach out to warn them that his life may be at risk. But protect yourself and your children at all costs.

It sounds likely that his rapid cycling will be followed with a breakup again from his unstable AP and an attempt to return home to you. Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for this --- maybe you and the kids can go stay somewhere else for a while, if your lawyer advises that you can't change the locks.

NAMI has support groups for people with loved ones with mental illness. Even if you divorce him, you will have to co-parent with him and your kids will have a dad with bipolar disorder, so it may be a helpful resource for you.

It's hereditary. That alone supports PP. I'd say the same thing to someone who knew they had Huntington's disease. The reality is that if you had the unfortunate luck to have a serious mental or genetic illness then having children (at least biologically) is exceptionally selfish. I can feel very bad for them and know it isn't their fault and still think that that is a very unfair position to put children in.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I do think your life will be better without him as a constant presence. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

You are better off without him, and frankly, if he does commit suicide, you and the children are better off. Sure, it's a disease. A disease that fucks over everyone in its path.

[Anonymous]

PPs, debating mental illness and its consequences in general is not helpful to OP. Take it to another thread and allow OP to get the advice she needs here.

OP, to echoe what others have said, you ARE better off as a family of 3. It may not feel like it now, and you should absolutely mourn the loss of the man you thought you knew. In a way, it is as if he has died, he appears so different from what he was. So sadness and devastation are to be expected.

But. Also draw deep on that steel inside yourself. What you are doing is the best, and you are protecting your children and yourself. You will remake this family and come out the other side. You can do this, and you have already made a great start.

Peace be to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are better off without him, and frankly, if he does commit suicide, you and the children are better off. Sure, it's a disease. A disease that fucks over everyone in its path.

I'm the one who thinks bipolar people are THE WORST and should never get married or reproduce, but I think this is too harsh.

The kids are not better off with a parent who commits suicide. They are screwed either way, but suicide compounds the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, op. He's a very broken person, and you can't fix him. I'm sorry you are facing and dealing with this. Big, big hugs.

^^^ THIS.

You can do this. I wish I could help you. Are you in DC or CC or Bethesda by any chance?