My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him.
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Anonymous
| Protect yourself and your children. Personal experience w/bipolars who refuse to take meds and threaten to hurt themselves is that this can easily turn violent. |
Anonymous
| Oh man, I have been through all of this (except I'm not a sweet person)! Spouse and I were always all in, until she left to be with the AP (serial cheater, bankrupt, tried to make spouse feel bad about spending time with our kid). It was horrible and terrifying. I have a job but I didn't know how I would support my kid on my own, I was terrified to be alone. But 2 years later, life is so much easier than when were together. During the worst part of it all, I would just tell myself that I had to be okay for my kid, and I was. It will get better and you and your kids will be okay. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like he has several addictions and untreated mental illness. The best thing you can do is focus on you - take care of yourself, your kids, get a clear understanding of your finances. Are you a SAHM? your husband has issues which put him at a huge risk for job loss so a plan to get back in the workforce is a must. You can do this OP. Just take it one day at a time. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry, OP. My FIL is bipolar - it has been extremely hard on my MIL, even without any infidelity or divorce. Your husband has serious and chronic mental health issues. Don't think you can fix him. Don't excuse him either. You are obviously better off without him, *with the caveat* that his diagnosis and refusal to medicate MUST be used by you to oversee as much of his interaction with his children as possible. You never know what danger he might put them in if he is not fully in control of his faculties. Good luck to you, OP. |
Anonymous
| He isn't taking care of himself. You need to take care of you and your family now. If he is bipolar and not taking his meds ... I think you are far better off letting him deal with that alone, since clearly that is what he wants. Believe him. Take care of yourself. This is the right thing. |
Anonymous
| Change the locks tomorrow ASAP. Call a lawyer, draft the separation agreement giving him minimal time with the kids (per his request). Do not pick up his calls, ask that he only contact you regarding the children via text or email to have written documentation of everything. Good luck to you OP. |
Anonymous
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Find a lawyer. Tomorrow. If you need to, take the day off and send the kids to daycare, find a lawyer that can see you tomorrow afternoon and get moving. This man is off his rocker and you need the kids with you. Alternatively, you can head to the courthouse and find out what steps you need to take, and may be able to file for emergency custody without a lawyer, and then find and retain a lawyer to help with everything that comes next.
Let daycare/school know that if he shows up they are to call you immediately and stall him so the kids don't leave the premises. If he is threatening suicide, that may be enough for a no contact order until he is stable - that's not an acceptable threat and could put you and your kids in danger. Take it seriously. You and your children are better off without him. I promise. Life will be so much better once this is behind you - but this next part is going to be hard and stressful. Rally your support base - if you have family who can come stay with you and help now is the time to ask. Or if you have friends that can help with daycare pick-up/drop off while you run around finding a lawyer and getting emergency court orders, call in the troops. Just make sure that once you get those court orders that you provide them to the necessary people. Daycare needs to know that he's not allowed to pick up, and they need to know what to do about it. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you for your kind and supportive replies. Yes, I am a SAHM. A lawyer I spoke to echoed what a PP said, I'm way, way better off making my own good income than relying on this bipolar guy who will always make excuses. I'm so lucky I have my mom to help, as I never imagined not being with my younger one at this age... but I have to do what I have to do.
Meeting with a well-respected lawyer in person tomorrow. I'm just destroyed emotionally but I know I have to be strong for my kids. One day at a time. Thanks again. |
Anonymous
| Yes, you can't stay with a spouse who has untreated mental illness. Be strong, feel fortunate that you have two beautiful kids and a loving family to support you at this awful time. It's not clear whether your husband will be fine (it doesn't look good), but you and your children will be. Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. This is on him, completely beyond your control. Whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He'll only put you through the wringer again. It must stop now. |
Anonymous
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Flame aeay, but bipolar people should not have children or get married. They are THE WORST. Your are much better off. He has done you an enormous favor. You don't realize it now, but you will eventually.
God only knows the crap he has done that you are not aware of. Probably would be blood curdling. Beware, he will come crawling back, but have the will to resist. These maniacs have no idea what they want and rarely stay on medication. |
Anonymous
This is what I was going to say. You don't need US to tell you that you are better off. Just read your own post and pretend it is a dear friend of relative of yours writing about his or her spouse. I feel ever so slightly for your DH because I bet much of this is the result of mental illness, but if he won't stay on the meds, YOU DON'T WANT HIM! Hugs, OP. |
Anonymous
Smart advice. MAKE YOUR OWN INCOME. Even of you make a horrible mistake and take his begging ass back ( and he will beg when his AP realizes what hell a bipolar is) still get a job. It is very very unlikely he will have stable income in the years to come. He will engage in risky spending and wreck less behavior. You will need to provide for yourself and your kids. I have a bipolar father and I too loved him as a small child. I now haven't talked to him in years. The shine wears off and he will not be the same father he once was. |
Anonymous
| OP, yes! You are so much better off without him! And you have your wonderful family! Stay strong!!! |
Anonymous
| Bipolar off his meds is a nightmare. He sounds deeply troubled and there is nothing more you can do for him - you tried, the doctors tried, but his life is in his own hands. You will have so much more time and energy not having him to worry about all the time although I know this must be devastatingly difficult. Tell your daughter daddy's not home but he loves her very much. No need for more information until you know what's going on more firmly. Do you have a therapist? An appointment with an attorney soon too. I am so sorry for you all, but this is decidedly for the best for you and your children. |
Anonymous
Yes, BTDT with a relative. Also, I think since mental illness is a factor, it's okay to keep telling your 4 y.o. that dad is the greatest dad ever when he is healthy, but that he's experiencing some health problems (just like the baby was in the hospital). No need to trash talk the piece of shit to his son. Save that for us and your trusted friends or a therapist. You're doing what is best for your kids. Honestly, it might even be best for your husband as well. He needs space to hit rock bottom or have a come to Jesus/reality moment. Bipolar people should not be off meds. If possible, eventually it would be wise to see his psychiatrist with him from time to time. Also, go to couples counseling (someone who specializes in whatever it is that he has, bipolar, whatever) to help you make a mature transition into someday co-parenting. Good luck, sincere hugs, and be strong!!!! Come back often for more hugs and support! |