hiding all sorts of mental illness from my DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, the problem isn't with you, you know that, right? Your husband sounds like a real piece of work. If knowing yourself better (including getting treatment for commonplace, treatment - amenable conditions) makes your husband lose respect for you, then you should think hard about whether you need him in your life.

+1. OP, I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this alone. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Having to hide such huge things from your spouse has to be excruciating. It is great that you have a therapist for support. Do you have any other support? Friends? Family?

[Anonymous]

Everyone asking why it's necessary to have a label/diagnosis seems like they're not familiar with the distinct challenges that come with appearing high-functioning but having to work 5x as much and as hard to do things----I'm a woman who really struggled with self esteem because I was labeled gifted as a child and felt that since everyone was always telling me how smart I was, that there was something wrong with me/I was just not trying hard enough/I was a failure because I had the executive functioning skills of a gym sock. Getting a diagnosis when I was 14 helped me break that cycle of depression/anxiety-self-loathing and low self-esteem, not only because I understood that my brain working differently was not my fault, but because I had way more resources to help me figure out coping strategies.

OP, I'm in my mid 20s with ADD and depression/anxiety and I have several female friends who are on the spectrum and also deal with ADD/depression/anxiety. Please know you're not alone, and that life can be so much better with treatment and the support of people who care about you. Things aren't always awesome, but being able to say "Can you do xyz so I can focus on ___ bc ADD" to my husband is really helpful----For example I was getting ready to leave for work on MLK day, which he had off, and I was a total mess and said to him "You being here when you're usually not here when I get ready for work is throwing off my whole routine to the point where I'm having trouble remembering how to get dressed. Can you hang in the living room while I get ready? I'm feeling really anxious because of the change in routine."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything you posted above is pretty common. Your title makes it sounds very serious like serious mental illness-- it's not. People w/ ADHD very often have co-morbidity with depression and anxiety, which all can be managed through heathy choices, therapy and/or meds. . You can get therapy to help manage your aspergers symptoms. Maybe your anxiety issues are inflating this to be a much bigger deal than it is. You'll be Ok. Sounds like you're pretty fabulous with all those fancy degrees. ?

I don't think I'm inflating it. When the last shooting attributed to AS happened (can't remember specifically), DH went on a rant about people "like that" needing to be locked up in mental institutions. What would he say if he knew his wife was one of them?

And in case anyone's wondering, women tend to hide AS a lot better than boys and men can, so I'm not stereotypical and not surprised he hasn't caught on.

But you're not 'like that' - you're functioning and out in the world, you're not hiding your basement obsessively playing violent video games, completely unable to have any relationships, go to school or get any kind of job and you would never shoot elementary school students. No one likes or sympathizes with Adam Lanza - this has nothing to do with you at all. He was in his own category.

You can talk about receiving treatment for some mental health issues without chatting too much about the specifics and diagnoses all at once maybe?
Just talk about what you're working on?

[Anonymous]

OP - I reread your first post and I'm not quite sure what you want (and I don't mean this flippantly). Do you want your husband to truly understand and respect what you struggle with? This will take frank conversations and even possibly a "mediator" (what you might have to call a marriage counselor to get him to go to one!). You deserve his respect for whoever you are in this moment because he is your partner.

Or do you want to courage to take care of your mental health in light of how your husband may react to that process? This is fodder for your own therapy and learning the courage to continue caring for yourself (which you are already doing!) a priority, and let the marriage chips fall where they may.

I'm sorry your husband is not yet supportive of you - hugs and here's hoping it gets better soon for you

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you are, but if not, I'd definitely be sorting through the relational issue with your therapist as well as the diagnoses. The therapist will have a much better awareness and understanding of the relationship and you as a whole and able to guide you better than any of we can. It's a tough situation, and so great that you are getting treatment and tools you need to be okay.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband a scientologist?

[Anonymous]

Maybe being married to someone with those conditions will make your DH less of an asshole.